On language learning: a heretical Sunday sermon
A cynical mood front has been gathering in my teacher brain of late. Perhaps it's because, when I ask my friends who speak good English what their strategies were for learning, they shrug their shoulders. "Study? I guess," they say. "I just kind of stuck at it."
Or perhaps it's because my dentist speaks better English from listening to BBC Radio 4 than many do after years spent in classrooms, or even living in English-speaking countries. In any case, I'm starting to lose faith in theory.
There's no shortage of theoretical moths batting about the EFL flame, that's for sure...
* It's all about exposure to the target language without the pressure to respond: "Put the banana in the box Taro. Well done. Now put the melon on the floor, behind Shohei. Excellent! That'll be 30 quid please."
* It's all about using the target language in a relaxed environment: "Take a seat in the big brown massage chair. Let's read dialogue number 4. Oh Mavis, what lovely shoes. Are they new? ... There now, wasn't that easy? You're very clever. That'll be 30 quid please."
* Negotiation of meaning should take place in pursuit of the completion of a mutually interesting task: "OK, so there are poster paper and pens at the front of the classroom, so let's all wast-, er spend ninety minutes drawing a map of your hometown. When you're finished, present in pairs. Make a list of the similarities and differences. I'll be in my office. Don't forget to pay on your way out!"
* Linguistic responses can be automaticised through a series of questions and responses that were written in 1900: "Name six things besides cigars which should be kept in a dry place... Describe all that you could procure from an ideal penny-slot machine... OK great, you can pay at the reception desk."
* The teacher should say as little as possible, so the students are in control of the target language: ". . . . . . Teacher, what we should do now? Ah... Monkey? No... Pray? Ahhhh...?"
What's the one unifying feature of these methods? Why, their democracy of course! Their promise to all that if they only show up each week and... What's that? Money, you say...?
Ah yes. Money.
English language teaching is an industry, and a rather successful one. In fact EFL teachers are the UK's sole remaining export industry. As a result, rival theories spring up all the time, selling to bright-eyed future globetrotters and world-changers and sunken-eyed hunchback EFLers alike. Siren-like, they shimmy, beckon and seduce, yet all offer hope that, at the end of that road, however long and winding it may be, all will be able to master English, to talk with poise and confidence at embassy receptions and bring up bilingual babies who will spell the end to war and discrimination forever more, ushering mankind into a new post-Babel golden age in which no Taro will be unable to effectively box a banana on receiving said instruction from his teacher.
This, in my experience, is a lie.
Successful language learners are those who care, and those who can. Motivation and aptitude. I wanted to learn, I kind of stuck at it, it sort of made sense, and now here I am.
It's either that or Radio 4. Which gives me an idea...
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