Perplexed
What I thought was going to be an eventful and joyous night turned out to be both disappointing and relieving. To start, I went home and fell asleep watching Oprah. I then got up to go to the gym and then go hang out with someone, but I forgot I promised my brother's gf I would go shopping with her.... so as always... true to my word, I went shopping. I bought an outfit for the wedding, it looks banging but it was wayyyyyyyyyy to expensive!
Then I went home, although I was dreading stepping foot in my house, lately it feels like I don't belong there, I mean I love my parents, but from a distance sometimes. I always feel like I am letting them down, or that they are disappointed in me, no matter how hard I try or what I do, I feel as though I will never make them truly happy. I feel like they had this image of a daughter when I was born, and everyday I fail to fulfill it. I told them all of this in a note I wrote last night.... my mom apologized for what she has done to me, although I am not sure I can ever truly forgive her.
I put my trust in someone I thought was incapable of breaking it, only to have everything I ever believed come crashing down around me... maybe thats why I cried myself to sleep. I feel like I can never have back with her what we once had, I can never have back my best friend.
Fredericton, you can't come soon enough.