Angst - Emo... crap
Bad news heaping on top of bad news it seems.
My landline is cut off -- why I do not know. I haven't received -any- bills from Bell yet -AT ALL- so I have NO CLUE what is going on. Thank God work finally gave me the ability to have a line over the Internet.
The CIA Local Phone service is shit. The voice terminal cannot deal with any P2P downloading including Limewire, and Bittorrent stuff which means the Internet drops, dial-tone drops until you reboot the voice terminal and do "ipconfig /release" and "ipconfig /renew." I am not impressed. Thank God I am not paying for it. However the Internet with 3web/CIA has been perfectly stable other for the glitches with the voice terminal.
Calling cell phones in England is apparently expensive. Yay for phone plans not making it very very very very clear that cell phones are not covered. Yay for more debt. *le sigh* I don't want to go further into this one. Kel is on my ass about it enough :P and is determined to pay the entire bill or most of it for me.
My stomach, anxiety and depression problems are back. It started with taking a day at home, which has now turned into 5 days. I am feeling the fear of going back, same as I had at bell. *sighs* This is a problem particularly since they were just discussing upping me to regular agent status. I think I busted this but *sighs*... Maybe tomorrow I'll see about going to the CLSC and see if I can get a note, help, something... -.-
I am looking into ways to get a loan to consolidate all my debts. Slight problem -- I'm looking at a "huge" loan to cover it all and my credit is shit. I need a cosignor but my parents won't sign. -.- I'm checking to see if someone I know with solid credit will be willing to sign with me so I can at least get this shirt sorted out and at aleast I can be back on the ball with it all. I'm feeling backed into a corner and I don't know how to get out. I want to just at least get back on top of everything so at least I don't feel like I am drowning in debt. One large debt is easier to deal with, and cheaper in the long run than many little ones all over the place. I'm feeling like a failure due to all these money problems, I'm feeling like I have disappointed people and that I am prooving their fears to be true. -.- I feel like a dead beat, loser, etc etc etc. -.-
I am having issues with a friend right now... he's getting on my wires. He comes by and makes comments on how my apartment is a sty (I know it is, and I feel like shit about it already) which hurts. I've stepped back from a lot of local friendships just because right now I just can't handle/stomach other peoples problems if they aren't willing/prepared to take on some of mine. *sighs* Unfortunately said friend acted like an ass every time I shared ongoing details about my life and made the mistakes that I am already aware of all the more painfully clear to me. It's not like I can beat him over the head with a shoe and said "SHUT UP I KNOW ALREADY."
My birthday is coming up... as per usual there will be little to no celebration. This year I'll probably eating canned "alphagheti" and... blowing out a match and wishing for better things to come in the next year. This year generally has sucked... -.- I have been back stabbed more times than I can count, I have met more freaks and weirdos than I'd like to admit, I have slept with a few too many odd-ball females... I have dug myself a nice debt that equates to 10,000 or more due to lack of money, and just trusting people.
My landline is cut off -- why I do not know. I haven't received -any- bills from Bell yet -AT ALL- so I have NO CLUE what is going on. Thank God work finally gave me the ability to have a line over the Internet.
The CIA Local Phone service is shit. The voice terminal cannot deal with any P2P downloading including Limewire, and Bittorrent stuff which means the Internet drops, dial-tone drops until you reboot the voice terminal and do "ipconfig /release" and "ipconfig /renew." I am not impressed. Thank God I am not paying for it. However the Internet with 3web/CIA has been perfectly stable other for the glitches with the voice terminal.
Calling cell phones in England is apparently expensive. Yay for phone plans not making it very very very very clear that cell phones are not covered. Yay for more debt. *le sigh* I don't want to go further into this one. Kel is on my ass about it enough :P and is determined to pay the entire bill or most of it for me.
My stomach, anxiety and depression problems are back. It started with taking a day at home, which has now turned into 5 days. I am feeling the fear of going back, same as I had at bell. *sighs* This is a problem particularly since they were just discussing upping me to regular agent status. I think I busted this but *sighs*... Maybe tomorrow I'll see about going to the CLSC and see if I can get a note, help, something... -.-
I am looking into ways to get a loan to consolidate all my debts. Slight problem -- I'm looking at a "huge" loan to cover it all and my credit is shit. I need a cosignor but my parents won't sign. -.- I'm checking to see if someone I know with solid credit will be willing to sign with me so I can at least get this shirt sorted out and at aleast I can be back on the ball with it all. I'm feeling backed into a corner and I don't know how to get out. I want to just at least get back on top of everything so at least I don't feel like I am drowning in debt. One large debt is easier to deal with, and cheaper in the long run than many little ones all over the place. I'm feeling like a failure due to all these money problems, I'm feeling like I have disappointed people and that I am prooving their fears to be true. -.- I feel like a dead beat, loser, etc etc etc. -.-
I am having issues with a friend right now... he's getting on my wires. He comes by and makes comments on how my apartment is a sty (I know it is, and I feel like shit about it already) which hurts. I've stepped back from a lot of local friendships just because right now I just can't handle/stomach other peoples problems if they aren't willing/prepared to take on some of mine. *sighs* Unfortunately said friend acted like an ass every time I shared ongoing details about my life and made the mistakes that I am already aware of all the more painfully clear to me. It's not like I can beat him over the head with a shoe and said "SHUT UP I KNOW ALREADY."
My birthday is coming up... as per usual there will be little to no celebration. This year I'll probably eating canned "alphagheti" and... blowing out a match and wishing for better things to come in the next year. This year generally has sucked... -.- I have been back stabbed more times than I can count, I have met more freaks and weirdos than I'd like to admit, I have slept with a few too many odd-ball females... I have dug myself a nice debt that equates to 10,000 or more due to lack of money, and just trusting people.