(no subject)
So it's a new day, after the past couple of days of horrriiiibleeee binges, oh god so horrible many calories in me, I HAVE to start over. I simply cannot do anything else. So I'm determined, and that's why I'm posting so damn much, and the fact that I'm bored out of my mind. One day I'll probably look back on all these posts and think, 'jesus christ, why didn't I spend my time with something a bit more reasonable?!'
Today I felt useless after stepping on the scale and seeing that horrific number of 160, not again, dammit, how could I let this happen? I spend a couple of stoned hours in my bed, didn't want to go drink tea with my mom, didn't want to answer my friend who wanted to eat mexican, didn't want... anything. I got up around 3-4 pm and decided to finally do something of my day, and since I hadn't eaten yet I went to the supermarket to buy groceries, but only veggies and diet sodas.
I just ate a 212 calorie hugeee veggie dinner, supposed to be 200 cals, because I'm now trying to do the 2468 once again, I must still be able to have a bit of discipline, right? The extra 12 calories was just a miscalculation of some celery sticks so it doesn't matter much to me right now, at least they're the least worst thing I could eat more of!
But oh fuck I so badly want a job again. I have been calling like 15 different schools and all say they have enough substitutes right now, I WANT TO WORK! I might have to go to the unemployment office tomorrow, something I NEVER wanted to do. I think I'll start studying again in the fall if it has to be so hard to find a job because of this damn financial crisis. Will now get more diet soda and walk a bit on my mini step machine. Loaded on broccoli, carrots and cellery :)
So no more calories today, except maybe an emergency piece of gum or a stiff vodka tonight to calm my nerves when I wont be able to sleep. I hear noises, yeah, I'm a basketcase, and I have tinitus :/ But no more food! NO MORE! I need to be back in control, I need not to binge, I need to know that I can manage something as simple as my fucked up life!!
Today I felt useless after stepping on the scale and seeing that horrific number of 160, not again, dammit, how could I let this happen? I spend a couple of stoned hours in my bed, didn't want to go drink tea with my mom, didn't want to answer my friend who wanted to eat mexican, didn't want... anything. I got up around 3-4 pm and decided to finally do something of my day, and since I hadn't eaten yet I went to the supermarket to buy groceries, but only veggies and diet sodas.
I just ate a 212 calorie hugeee veggie dinner, supposed to be 200 cals, because I'm now trying to do the 2468 once again, I must still be able to have a bit of discipline, right? The extra 12 calories was just a miscalculation of some celery sticks so it doesn't matter much to me right now, at least they're the least worst thing I could eat more of!
But oh fuck I so badly want a job again. I have been calling like 15 different schools and all say they have enough substitutes right now, I WANT TO WORK! I might have to go to the unemployment office tomorrow, something I NEVER wanted to do. I think I'll start studying again in the fall if it has to be so hard to find a job because of this damn financial crisis. Will now get more diet soda and walk a bit on my mini step machine. Loaded on broccoli, carrots and cellery :)
So no more calories today, except maybe an emergency piece of gum or a stiff vodka tonight to calm my nerves when I wont be able to sleep. I hear noises, yeah, I'm a basketcase, and I have tinitus :/ But no more food! NO MORE! I need to be back in control, I need not to binge, I need to know that I can manage something as simple as my fucked up life!!