Why dont we just dance...
Sitting in bed, watching my retard of a kitten chase a ball around my room. Man, i wish I was that entertained. I wish I could be that content with the little things in life. Well- I guess I am pretty content with the little things in life. I'm content sitting on the couch with a couple friends, watching a movie and chillaxin. Some people need to be doing something, need to be entertained all the time...they have a high threshold for excitment. Then theres me, on the other hand, who is pretty much thrilled to just be in the presence of others.
I'm pretty much usually alone in my apartment. I get out of work earlier than Erica does. When she gets home we hang out sometimes...but thats at like 1am. And thats only if Anne isn't here. They are like glued to each other. I guess it's kinda cute...and kinda not too. I know plenty of couples who have been together for either as long as they have or longer and dont need to be with each other all the time. Or if they are, they dont act like they wished no one else was around. They are both good women, nice and everything. I guess I'm just bitter.
I'm really tired of being alone. Thats a lie. I dont mind being alone. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of always getting the fuck up's in my life. Lets take a look at my track record shall we? The men who I have cared for deeply or maybe even loved and whom have fucked me over. Lets take a frolic down memory lane eh?
**Mohammed: Him and I would have worked out if I would have let my guard down and slept with him. But fuck- I was 18 or 19...I wasn't ready at all. And then he leaves me in the United States and goes back home to Kuwait. I miss him all the time.
**Moe: Mohammed number two...Had GREAT sexual chemistry, but he was a douche and just wanted to get laid...BIG SURPRISE.
** Najib: I had never felt something like him in my life. He lived with me for a month...and i fell in love with him everytime he smiled at me, everytime he touched me....as he would wait for my phone to ring when his girlfriend would be calling. FUCK. We had this off and on shit for 2 years or more before I said "I'm done" and finally shut that door.
**Hasson: I met him when he pretty much just walked off the immigration boat. He was the best kisser I have ever had. I loved the way he kissed me. THe way he reserved his smiles for me. How he acted like he was such a badass around everyone else and how IIIII could make him shine that gorgeous smile at me. He had one of the most brilliant and beautiful smiles I had ever seen. His smell made me want to curl up to his skin and breath him in forever...He just became a daddy to the most amazing baby girl I've ever seen. I think my heart broke when I saw him holding her...and wished that years from now, it coulda been me holding our baby.
**Kristofer: I met him and I shouldn't had ever started anything with him. Unfortunately, my dad had passed away and I just wanted someone to make me feel better. So I clung to him. I had never had anything so mature and real with any other man..which is why it was so hard to me when he didn't want me anymore. I was left in the dust wondering what the fuck I had done wrong. I still dont understand and I'm still angry.
I'm tired of feeling like this...Feeling like I'll never find anyone. And I'm also FUCKING SICK of looking at a man and liking them and STUPIDLY thinking "maybe he'll be it". Thats the thing. I say I dont believe in all this mumbo-jumbo love shit...but whenever I start talking to a boy and I get those butterflies I think "oh man, maybe this one's legit". They're never fucking legit. They're worthless and they fucking hurt me. I just want ONE to stand up, take my hand, look me in the eyes and care for me back....
I'm pretty much usually alone in my apartment. I get out of work earlier than Erica does. When she gets home we hang out sometimes...but thats at like 1am. And thats only if Anne isn't here. They are like glued to each other. I guess it's kinda cute...and kinda not too. I know plenty of couples who have been together for either as long as they have or longer and dont need to be with each other all the time. Or if they are, they dont act like they wished no one else was around. They are both good women, nice and everything. I guess I'm just bitter.
I'm really tired of being alone. Thats a lie. I dont mind being alone. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of always getting the fuck up's in my life. Lets take a look at my track record shall we? The men who I have cared for deeply or maybe even loved and whom have fucked me over. Lets take a frolic down memory lane eh?
**Mohammed: Him and I would have worked out if I would have let my guard down and slept with him. But fuck- I was 18 or 19...I wasn't ready at all. And then he leaves me in the United States and goes back home to Kuwait. I miss him all the time.
**Moe: Mohammed number two...Had GREAT sexual chemistry, but he was a douche and just wanted to get laid...BIG SURPRISE.
** Najib: I had never felt something like him in my life. He lived with me for a month...and i fell in love with him everytime he smiled at me, everytime he touched me....as he would wait for my phone to ring when his girlfriend would be calling. FUCK. We had this off and on shit for 2 years or more before I said "I'm done" and finally shut that door.
**Hasson: I met him when he pretty much just walked off the immigration boat. He was the best kisser I have ever had. I loved the way he kissed me. THe way he reserved his smiles for me. How he acted like he was such a badass around everyone else and how IIIII could make him shine that gorgeous smile at me. He had one of the most brilliant and beautiful smiles I had ever seen. His smell made me want to curl up to his skin and breath him in forever...He just became a daddy to the most amazing baby girl I've ever seen. I think my heart broke when I saw him holding her...and wished that years from now, it coulda been me holding our baby.
**Kristofer: I met him and I shouldn't had ever started anything with him. Unfortunately, my dad had passed away and I just wanted someone to make me feel better. So I clung to him. I had never had anything so mature and real with any other man..which is why it was so hard to me when he didn't want me anymore. I was left in the dust wondering what the fuck I had done wrong. I still dont understand and I'm still angry.
I'm tired of feeling like this...Feeling like I'll never find anyone. And I'm also FUCKING SICK of looking at a man and liking them and STUPIDLY thinking "maybe he'll be it". Thats the thing. I say I dont believe in all this mumbo-jumbo love shit...but whenever I start talking to a boy and I get those butterflies I think "oh man, maybe this one's legit". They're never fucking legit. They're worthless and they fucking hurt me. I just want ONE to stand up, take my hand, look me in the eyes and care for me back....