Week 6 Entry

[miss_marshy]

The Garden of Hate

Thick iron gates open,
to any human or even animal that walk by.
You can see a beautiful green forest beyond the gates,
Filled with thick strong palm trees,
Tall enough to reach the sky.
And long luscious vines that drop down,
towards golden sand that covers that ground.

Everything is not as it seems.

For when you take a step on the sand,

Comments

[michaelgriffith]

A very Blakean poem Rhiannon... and a great image to go with it... It could be tightened up a little so that the key images shine through and so the rhythm burns more brightly. Let me see what I can do to it... tell me what you think?

The Garden of Hate

Thick iron gates
open,
to human or animal
a beautiful green forest beyond
thick strong palm trees,
reach the sky.
long luscious vines
drop down,
to golden sand

Everything is
not
as it seems.

when you take
a step
on the sand,
you find it's quick and
slowly you're sinking.
as you reach
up
to grab the vines,
they wrap so tightly
suffocating
head up for air,
beyond the trees a blood red sky.

your hands burn
for the gate
is as hot
as fire.

There's no going back.

I don't know what Mr Blake would have thought??? what do you think.... my main point is that poetry becomes more intense when we take away all the stuff that blocks the fire......

MG