(no subject)
Relationships are full of mistakes
While I’ve grown up I’ve learned a lot of things on my own and by other people. The simple things that we learn like how to count, how to say our A, B, C’s and how to walk came from our parents, but there are things in life that we have to learn on our own. I’ve learned to take care of myself and to trust no one, but how would that help me if I had a boyfriend. In high school, I got into my first serious relationship. I don’t even know if I could call it that, but he was a big part of my life then. Through that relationship I’ve learned that I can’t make everybody happy and that I had to learn how to trust. I can try to please the world, but it won’t happen; someone is always bound to hate you or dislike you. Does trying to please the world really a goal that I can accomplish? I highly doubt that I can please everybody, but does it really matter? All I have to do is take care of myself and make myself happy. Who else would take care of me, no one. After my break up in grade 12 I had a lot of soul searching to do, and a lot of analyzing who I am as an individual and not as someone dependent on boyfriend. I jumped into a relationship right after the breakup; I thought to myself and told him that I might not be in the right frame of mind to know what I’m getting myself into. When you just breakup with someone you have a feeling inside you that makes you so scared to be alone and not have anybody love you. I was completely honest with him, and I couldn’t contemplate on how my heart could heal. He knew everything I went through, and understood and tried to help me cope, but it wasn’t enough. I had to break away, and let my heart heal before I got myself in a bigger mess. Right after I broke up with him, I felt even worse. I had to hurt someone because of my mistake. I had time to heal, time to spend with my closets friends, and time to express everything that I’ve been holding in. At first I listened to a lot of depressing songs and a lot of blogging, but listen to depressing songs didn’t make me feel better. Who else could help you, if you don’t help yourself? My best friends were by my side, and my heart began to heal. Prom was around the corner and me and the girls, planned to go stag. Then I got asked out to prom, and I was guarded all over again. I thought to myself, could I trust myself to not hurt this person, but most importantly can I trust in him? Only God really knows, but how would I really know if I didn’t take a risk? I took the risk, went to prom, and went on dates together and things turned out great. I’ve been going out with him for more than a year now, and I have trust and security issues. My mind kept on telling me I’ve had enough, but my heart was telling me this is just another fight and it will blow over. I had time to think on my own, and to look back on everything that I’ve been through with him. I spent most of my day, reading all the journals I wrote about how he’s changed my life and how I’m nothing without him. As cheesy as this may sound, but I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason and he came in the right time. The two of us are so much alike its like we’re one person. Looking back on what I almost yesterday, makes me realize that you don’t know what you really have until lost it. What if something happened to him at work, or what happened if he got hit by a car and I never got to tell him I was sorry and that I loved him? I would regret it for the rest of my life, and I don’t think that I would be able to live with myself. He kept on calling me and I was still upset, he left me a voicemail on my phone telling me that he needed me with him because his mother got hit by a car. That’s when I realize how our life can be taken away from us in a flash. I’ve learned to hold onto the great things I have in life, because I’ll never know what God has planned for me. His mother is fine, she just had a little bruises. This made me learn so much, to not take things for granted and to trust in what you have, without trust in a relationship what would you have? When he came over, I gave him the biggest hug and a kiss. It felt so good to be in his arms again. It felt like I haven’t seen him in months. See what a little time apart does, it makes you appreciate the good things you have in life. My fiancé has my heart and will always will.