Fic: Don't You Know, It's Gonna Be Alright

[miss_lizzy777]

Title: Don't You Know, It's Gonna Be Alright
Author: Lizzy!
Pairing: John/Paul
Rating: Uhh... PG or PG-13 maybe.
Warnings: Swearing, death, and angst.
Timeframe: 1958.
Summary: “Go to sleep John. It’s okay.” John almost laughed. “No it’s not.”
Author Notes: Another attempt! I told someone here I’d do a story about this, so here it is. Unrelated: I was

Comments

[jpgr1963]

Holy shit - you handled a familiar scene with such freshness... that was fucking unbelievably amazing. I'm fucking speechless, hon! I need to re-read and digest, so will be back with a more complete, thoughtful comment very soon!

Wow!

JP

[livdances3477]

That was very emotional and sad, but such a wonderful story(: I agree with jpgr193 with the "you handled a familiar scene with such freshness." I'm so glad you made this attempt, but I wouldn't really call it an attempt because you definitely got there(;

[miss_lizzy777]

Thanks so much! It's weird, whenever I write, it's always angsty, even though I really prefer fluff and smut. I guess I'm just better at angst? Anyway, I'm glad you approve!

[beagle_agent]

He held his beautiful, twisted, wounded, brilliant, perfect best friend and promised him silently, perhaps telepathically, that he would take care of him for as long as he was needed. He would love him, he would make sure he was alright.
OMG...this line left me near tears.

After reading this story I wanted to delete the last chapter of the story I am writing. (jprg1963 knows what I am talking about right now).....it deals with this day, too, but I am not even near your brilliance!
This was really amazing and wonderfully written, you left me speechless for a long time.

I will read more of your fics, I think I saw more in your journal here, right? You are a brilliant writer!

Astrid

[miss_lizzy777]

Me? Brilliant? I'm certainly glad you think so! I'm so happy people are enjoying it so much!

Yes, there are others here; feel free to read them. I like to put everything I've written in my journal so it's in one place. After all this ego-swelling praise I've received lately, I might be writing more soon, hopefully.

Anyway, thanks for the comment-love :)

[dashall]

Hello!
So I am very late, but I saw the more recent chapter posted, and I thought I should give Part 1 a shot, just for kicks-- and man, am I glad I did. You controlled my emotions and thoughts very well, congratulations. I liked the occasional bits of poetry ("He was sprawled out on his bed, in another world, the climbing tendrils of his daydreams wrapping around his brain and shutting out the blandness of reality.").
There were a couple things, though, that I had problems with-- and I'm only saying this, because I truly believe in constructive criticism, not to be a prick about your writing or anything. A lot of the sentence structure was strictly Subject--Verb. He did this. John did this. Paul did this. I'd suggest switching it up a bit. Then again, I haven't read your newer chapters, so you might have already fixed this, but from this bit I read, that's the advice I have to give.
Good job! I'll be reading the next chapter in the near future, if I don't get too distracted, lol.

[miss_lizzy777]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

As for your constructive criticism, you're not being a prick at all. I know what you mean, and I am trying to fix that. It's a little difficult because I tend to switch back and forth between narrating what each of them is doing, so complex sentence structures can get confusing, but I'm working on it. I really do appreciate the advice; I'm actually fairly new to writing fiction (at least compared to a lot of other people here), so thank you.