Maybe It's Time, To Wave Goodbye Now

[miss_kitty09]

Have you ever noticed how "doing the right thing" often makes you feel like complete and utter crap? I guess that's because whatever the "right thing" is, is usually completely different from how we'd want things to be. So why the hell am I rambling about the misery of "doing the right thing"? because, after several months of frustration and

Comments

[flaggermus]

Awwww... what an appropriate Tori quote for such a sad moment... =(
Is there any way that your boy could take her in? Gah, I know it's for the best, but you must be heartbroken... I would be. I couldn't just give my babies back. =(
I hope there's a way you can be involved in the rehoming, so you know for sure that she's going to a great family.

[miss_kitty09]

Unfortunately, having my boyfriend take her in was not a practical solution. It seemed good on paper,but in the real world, it just couldn't happen. We'd be coping with the same situation, but with a slightly new face. My boyfriend has two cats of his own, so we'd be essentially facing a crapshoot as to whether these three cats could get along, or if the same problem would pop up again. Plus, there's have to be an isolation span, as well as a long inroductory process, and while he's around for his kitties, he's not around enough to be able to dedicate himself to such a time consuming process.

But you're right: I *am* heart broken. I spent most of yesterday alternating between crying jags, and tyring to pretend that everything was okay. But 007 was very supportive. he came by and tried his best to keep me company, and just do whatever I needed to do at the time. For all the times I've listed his faults here in this journal, let the record show that he can be a very good boyfriend.

[scrabonia]

Aw :(

I'm sure she will find a wonderful new home and seeing here with people happy to have her will make you smile inside! And if for some reason she isn't adopted you could always take her in again right? Always a difficult descision but in the end you have to do what you know is right.

[miss_kitty09]

I know that you're right. And believe it or not, that's part of what makes me upset. I feel jealous of her potential new owners. I feel like she's still my cat. (Though of course, I'm sure her previous owners felt the same way when they gave the cat to me over them.)

I know what I did was right. But I feel like shit. I feel a little bit better today, but it's still very upsetting to know that she spent last night in a cage, and that maybe she was scared,confused, or lonely. And that she wouldn't have been any of those things if it hadn't been for me. I know that's a statement completely fueled by loss and guilt, but I can't help but feel that there's some truth to what I said.

But I can take her in if no one will adopt her. I just hope it doesn't come to that. Because I'm sure that the situation would be no different the second time around. And if I had to give up a second time...I don't know if I could handle it.

[scrabonia]

Well be happy for the love you gave her while you had her and know that she's probably better off for spending time in la casa de missy! And you never know, karma's a funny thing. Perhaps had you not taken her in the first time she would have been adopted by some sketchballs, but since you delayed it she will instead get a fabulous home!

I am one with the feeling of guilt trust me. I just walked away from two horses, one of which I'm well aware may not survive long enough for me to see again, and the other is wasting the prime of her life because I couldn't bare to lease her out to an imperfect home. Instead she will sit in a pasture getting bored and wasting time and wondering where her person went. It kills me.

[miss_kitty09]

Ooh... I hadn't realized that you had decided not to lease out your younger horse. I don't blame you though -- I think that we tend to have funny relationships with animal companions. It's like they're a bizarre combination of being our children and our posessions. We want what's best for them and are willing to sacrifice for them, and don't think anyone else can treat them like we would. and we don't want to give anyone else the chance to prove us wrong!

Thanks for the words of support though. I do feel better knowing that at least I kept her from being put down, and from having to go back to the people who (thoughtlessly) abandoned her in the first place. I guess having a temporary loving home is/was better than none at all. I just hope that she finds a home soon. Seeing her long term in the shelter on a twice weekly basis will only keep me from moving on and healing.

[sparklej]

It's ok to be sad about it, but try not to feel guilty. You've done all you could, and you know that. To keep her in that situation would have been worse for everyone involved. I'm sure it was a tough decision to make.

[miss_kitty09]

I've been trying not to feel guilty, but thus far have had little success. I think I just have to feel guilty, because that's how I genuinely feel. There's no point in denying my feelings...It didn't help that even though we do not euthanize healthy, adoptable animals, there is still a clause on the form where you have to decide whether you'd like to be informed if the rare occasion that merits euthanasia did occur.
In case you're wondering, I told them to tell me, as they give me 24hrs to reclaim her in such an event. I'd rather just come and get her, and then wonder what to do about her. But I know that won't happen. I've seen every cat go home eventually, no matter how long it took. And I've only seen one cat euthanized since I've been there, and that was due to extreme aggression (several epople getting badly bitten)...But I know it's going to hurt like hell to see her in that cage at the shelter. And I'm going to be acutely feeling the loss for some time...