Maybe i can give this another shot.
So i dont know what happened here.
This started off as a fic, and somewhere along the line it turned into an emotional drabble-ish thing & now for some unknown reason i am posting it.
It not polished and it's not really finished...
It's nothing really... yet. We will see what happens though.
The worst feeling in the world.
The worst feeling in the word: It’s got to be that feeling when you know it’s finally over, they’ve left you and they won’t be coming back, your stomach sinks and this is it.
It last for days, months, maybe even years and it burns a hole in your heart.
Everything reminds you of him, and suddenly you find, you can relate anything to him.
See that pen? Yes that’s the one, over there on the bench. It’s the exact same style of pen that you used to write the shopping list on the morning you met him. And that song, on the radio, the first time it was aired it was played on triple j… he has a triple J bag; I bet you didn’t know that. No, you didn’t, because only I remember those things.
See how it works? Nothing is untainted, and everything hurts.
Your throat feels tight and your eyes burn constantly. Every word you say is squeezed out painfully, you tell the world that you’re okay but anyone who cared enough to really look would see that you’re not. You promise your friends that you’re over him, or at least getting there, but deep down you don’t think you will ever fully recover.
You stomach still flips and your heart skips a beat when you see someone in the crowd, long dark hair falling across their face, Is it him? No, of course it’s not… you can’t help but wish though.
You were in love with him, well at least you think you were and that hurts too, you wish you actually knew.
How could you possibly have been in love with someone who caused you this much pain? But if it wasn’t love… what was it? He meant the world to you and you gave up everything for him, fought to make it work even when you knew it would eventually be a lost cause.
It’s not that he didn’t love you in return, but sometimes things just can’t be. Sometimes people have to leave.
You often wonder how he is now, does he still think about you? Does he still miss you? Does he still love you? ... Did he ever?
You can’t count the number of times the ‘L’ word was flung around, its true meaning, power and emotions lost somewhere in the changes of society.
It the same word he tells his mother, his friends, his dog. It’s the same word he uses to describe his car, his favourite band and his new shoes maybe he does love them, but not in the same way as you are ‘in’ love with someone. He used that word a lot, and you don’t doubt that he loved you, he told you enough, but you worry he was never ‘in’ love with you.
People tell you to look on the bright side ‘at least you had happiness’ but you think happiness is overrated if it ends like this. There are no happy endings, not for anyone, eventually everyone will leave or die, hearts will be broken and people will be left alone.
There may not be happy endings but at least there are memories, those you will have to cherish to the very end, because honestly it’s all you have left.
And you think now, finally, you are over it, but it still hurts and that hole still burns in your heart and you hate him for that, but under the hate there is love, there will always be love.
As for good news, 4,000 words on my newest fic!!!!
This started off as a fic, and somewhere along the line it turned into an emotional drabble-ish thing & now for some unknown reason i am posting it.
It not polished and it's not really finished...
It's nothing really... yet. We will see what happens though.
The worst feeling in the world.
The worst feeling in the word: It’s got to be that feeling when you know it’s finally over, they’ve left you and they won’t be coming back, your stomach sinks and this is it.
It last for days, months, maybe even years and it burns a hole in your heart.
Everything reminds you of him, and suddenly you find, you can relate anything to him.
See that pen? Yes that’s the one, over there on the bench. It’s the exact same style of pen that you used to write the shopping list on the morning you met him. And that song, on the radio, the first time it was aired it was played on triple j… he has a triple J bag; I bet you didn’t know that. No, you didn’t, because only I remember those things.
See how it works? Nothing is untainted, and everything hurts.
Your throat feels tight and your eyes burn constantly. Every word you say is squeezed out painfully, you tell the world that you’re okay but anyone who cared enough to really look would see that you’re not. You promise your friends that you’re over him, or at least getting there, but deep down you don’t think you will ever fully recover.
You stomach still flips and your heart skips a beat when you see someone in the crowd, long dark hair falling across their face, Is it him? No, of course it’s not… you can’t help but wish though.
You were in love with him, well at least you think you were and that hurts too, you wish you actually knew.
How could you possibly have been in love with someone who caused you this much pain? But if it wasn’t love… what was it? He meant the world to you and you gave up everything for him, fought to make it work even when you knew it would eventually be a lost cause.
It’s not that he didn’t love you in return, but sometimes things just can’t be. Sometimes people have to leave.
You often wonder how he is now, does he still think about you? Does he still miss you? Does he still love you? ... Did he ever?
You can’t count the number of times the ‘L’ word was flung around, its true meaning, power and emotions lost somewhere in the changes of society.
It the same word he tells his mother, his friends, his dog. It’s the same word he uses to describe his car, his favourite band and his new shoes maybe he does love them, but not in the same way as you are ‘in’ love with someone. He used that word a lot, and you don’t doubt that he loved you, he told you enough, but you worry he was never ‘in’ love with you.
People tell you to look on the bright side ‘at least you had happiness’ but you think happiness is overrated if it ends like this. There are no happy endings, not for anyone, eventually everyone will leave or die, hearts will be broken and people will be left alone.
There may not be happy endings but at least there are memories, those you will have to cherish to the very end, because honestly it’s all you have left.
And you think now, finally, you are over it, but it still hurts and that hole still burns in your heart and you hate him for that, but under the hate there is love, there will always be love.
As for good news, 4,000 words on my newest fic!!!!