(no subject)
Fuck. I need to update this. I think I am literally THEE most confused/lost person on the face of the earth right now. Mostly just in regards to well, guys.. which is no surprise.. but still.
FUUUCK.
I know I need to be alone right now. I broke things off because I NEEDED this. So why the fuck is it so hard to do that?! I need to focus on me right now, as fucking retarded and cliche that sounds. I feel like I forgot that a world existed outside of Billy, and it wasn't healthy for me. He was amazing.. but I wasn't ready for any of it. I'm still not. I need to be with my friends right now. I need to do stupid shit and make all the mistakes I can. And I don't need to subject him to any of that. I'm still developing as a person. I have so much growing up to do.. and I feel like I didn't have all the room I needed to do that without being a negligent girlfriend, and he doesn't deserve that.
I need to LIVE my life, instead of just existing from day to day. I'm tired of drifting.
On another note, school's amazing. San Diego's amazing. My kitty is as annoying as ever. Aaand I took a bubble bath earlier. It was fun times. :D
I haz cruella hairs now :D
Hoping... feeling...
I will come back to you
And hold you in my arms
And I...
I know you're wrong but
I can't change a single thing
It's like it's meant to be..
Inside I feared to find it...
That you cannot stand the fact
I'm not in love with you
And I...
I've got the feeling
That I've really had enough
It had to end right here..
There is nothing left to lose
Despite the time we've spent...
Nothing left for you
And I...
Still had the feeling
I won't find in you
what I still sought
So what am I to do?
FUUUCK.
I know I need to be alone right now. I broke things off because I NEEDED this. So why the fuck is it so hard to do that?! I need to focus on me right now, as fucking retarded and cliche that sounds. I feel like I forgot that a world existed outside of Billy, and it wasn't healthy for me. He was amazing.. but I wasn't ready for any of it. I'm still not. I need to be with my friends right now. I need to do stupid shit and make all the mistakes I can. And I don't need to subject him to any of that. I'm still developing as a person. I have so much growing up to do.. and I feel like I didn't have all the room I needed to do that without being a negligent girlfriend, and he doesn't deserve that.
I need to LIVE my life, instead of just existing from day to day. I'm tired of drifting.
On another note, school's amazing. San Diego's amazing. My kitty is as annoying as ever. Aaand I took a bubble bath earlier. It was fun times. :D
I haz cruella hairs now :D
Hoping... feeling...
I will come back to you
And hold you in my arms
And I...
I know you're wrong but
I can't change a single thing
It's like it's meant to be..
Inside I feared to find it...
That you cannot stand the fact
I'm not in love with you
And I...
I've got the feeling
That I've really had enough
It had to end right here..
There is nothing left to lose
Despite the time we've spent...
Nothing left for you
And I...
Still had the feeling
I won't find in you
what I still sought
So what am I to do?