there are thoughts we all get lost in
the worst kind of poverty is the poverty of the soul:
where you reach down into your conscious for something deep and elaborate, only to find a gummed-up penny and a few pieces of lint. because who are you if you have nothing to give, who are you if you're starving for meaning, who are you if your own self-awareness has no value? i find myself thinking most of the time that i might be starving for love, and i might be starving for contentness, but i never starve for meaning. i never reach down into the pockets of my soul & come up empty. there is always something there. i am on a road that leads me to off-paths that have potential. i am not headed for a cliff, i am not headed for disaster. i feel saved by that, somehow, as much as the truth happens to be that no one really "saved" me but myself. because no one can save me but myself. just like no one can destroy me except myself.
the way we touched that afternoon when it was warm & you hugged me goodbye, i felt like i was going to dissolve into a million trillion droplets of heat molecules. it felt so warm and loving and i never ever wanted to break our embrace. and when we kissed, i thought my body was melting into yours like we were wax candles with flames just a bit too close to one another.
if i'm starving for anything, i guess it's just that. because i am human, & i always want more than what i have. i have myself. but sometimes that is just not enough....
where you reach down into your conscious for something deep and elaborate, only to find a gummed-up penny and a few pieces of lint. because who are you if you have nothing to give, who are you if you're starving for meaning, who are you if your own self-awareness has no value? i find myself thinking most of the time that i might be starving for love, and i might be starving for contentness, but i never starve for meaning. i never reach down into the pockets of my soul & come up empty. there is always something there. i am on a road that leads me to off-paths that have potential. i am not headed for a cliff, i am not headed for disaster. i feel saved by that, somehow, as much as the truth happens to be that no one really "saved" me but myself. because no one can save me but myself. just like no one can destroy me except myself.
the way we touched that afternoon when it was warm & you hugged me goodbye, i felt like i was going to dissolve into a million trillion droplets of heat molecules. it felt so warm and loving and i never ever wanted to break our embrace. and when we kissed, i thought my body was melting into yours like we were wax candles with flames just a bit too close to one another.
if i'm starving for anything, i guess it's just that. because i am human, & i always want more than what i have. i have myself. but sometimes that is just not enough....