MM's, meds and mason.
so its wednesday, and its gettin late and i dont feel like going to bed. senfield is on and i've actually never seen a whole episode of it, because for some reason i thought it was stupid. and it was for when i was like 11, but now that i am watching, it is relaly funny and i think that i want to go buy the first season!! with what money,i have no idea!
so lastnite mason came down to see me. i had my evening planned out to work out, do homework, eat and go to target. haha wicked fun huh. well at 3 he decided to tell me he was going to visit. so i was like cool. he came and we cuddled. for the first time in forever, for once i felt lilke he actually liked me and his focus was on me rather than himself. it sounds horribel but we are on a rocky road right now, lately since we both have changed so much. everyday i become a different person and his days change his life so much its weird. we have been together for like 1 1/2. we had that stage of never seperating from eachother. it was amazing. but i lost a lot of close friends because of it, like usual. but as soon as i started seeing a therapist/ and taking meds. i wasnt so needy anymore. he was my safe place. everyday i am changing and becoming more independent and not so dependent on him. my whole life has changed and what i was afraid of before, i am not so much anymore. i am free from all the fears and i'm not housebound anymore.i am way more healthy now and we could actually have a really healthy relationship. (part time) only because we only see eachother on the weekends. i have no idea what is ahead of us/ nor myself. thats ok tho i';m still excited!!
well i want to leave with one last commment.
MEDS- they are my savior, but they still suck because they don't allow you to feel the really happy feelings, as well as the sad. (i dont want the sad anyways) but they keep you at a apathetic/nonchalant level where you just don't really care/ and your allowed to do your everyday tasks. its ok tho because i wouldnt be where i am today with out them. i would probably still at quinsig in my parents house. (not a bad thing tho)
so lastnite mason came down to see me. i had my evening planned out to work out, do homework, eat and go to target. haha wicked fun huh. well at 3 he decided to tell me he was going to visit. so i was like cool. he came and we cuddled. for the first time in forever, for once i felt lilke he actually liked me and his focus was on me rather than himself. it sounds horribel but we are on a rocky road right now, lately since we both have changed so much. everyday i become a different person and his days change his life so much its weird. we have been together for like 1 1/2. we had that stage of never seperating from eachother. it was amazing. but i lost a lot of close friends because of it, like usual. but as soon as i started seeing a therapist/ and taking meds. i wasnt so needy anymore. he was my safe place. everyday i am changing and becoming more independent and not so dependent on him. my whole life has changed and what i was afraid of before, i am not so much anymore. i am free from all the fears and i'm not housebound anymore.i am way more healthy now and we could actually have a really healthy relationship. (part time) only because we only see eachother on the weekends. i have no idea what is ahead of us/ nor myself. thats ok tho i';m still excited!!
well i want to leave with one last commment.
MEDS- they are my savior, but they still suck because they don't allow you to feel the really happy feelings, as well as the sad. (i dont want the sad anyways) but they keep you at a apathetic/nonchalant level where you just don't really care/ and your allowed to do your everyday tasks. its ok tho because i wouldnt be where i am today with out them. i would probably still at quinsig in my parents house. (not a bad thing tho)