And hes talking with Davy, who is still in the navy and probably will be for life
Sometimes, something profound needs to be said, and the words just arent there. I am not exactly sure what to say about this afternoon.
A girl who lived in one of the houses across the street was found dead in her bed yesterday morning. I just went to a candlelight vigil in their front yard. I am not sure if that is what I would want for myself. They had the seniors, her close friends reading a rhyming poem and singing a song. I am not sure if that is something I would want. I suppose for closure purposes, they might want that for themselves. As a spectator, I found them to be distracting. They went through a mix of laughter and tears. I guess that is the way some people grieve.
I would love to know that I touched all those strangers lives, but I wouldn’t want my friends to stand on a balcony and make fools of themselves. That doesn’t sound like my kind of fun. I guess I am more carefree than that. I don’t need a plan like that. I wouldn’t want something that structured. Grief and loss and sadness aren’t structured. Dying isn’t a powerpoint presentation. A vigil isn’t a pop quiz, and a funeral isn’t the test. Nobody prepares for these. Writing a poem, and not one straight out of the heart, but one that rhymes…I don’t find that genuine enough for me.
I didn’t know her, but she sounded like a really happy, funny person. I think she will be missed. I hope she is missed. I hope everyone who dies is missed. At least by one person.
I guess times like this sort of inspire me. It is the time when I know, at least I beat out death this far. Death is the looming fear I fight when I am sick, and when am I not sick? I think it is a nice reality check. I sort of put my hands in my pockets to check that I am still there and then smile a bit as the tears run down my cheeks. Yup. Still completely here. Not that life is really a competition, but it is a race. A race against the clock. Something is ticking against you and you have to work to keep yourself on the right side of the stopwatch because once the clicker sounds the end of the race, you are down for the count and nobody really wins 1st place.
I don’t really think you can “do life well” or live better. But I think you can live life poorly and I think that is the struggle we all experience. That is what choices are based on. To improve life, to make your own life the best it can be for you. It is a personal choice that weaves through everything we decide.
But I cried my empathetic tears for her and her family and I now wear a green and white bow for her. And I guess that is sort of all I can do at this point. I don’t think I ever met her, but I almost joined her house. DZ was in my final three. I don’t know what could have been if I ended up there…
I guess people try to do things to make a difference a lot of the time, but I think that most things, unless they have a some type of real impact, do not really do much.
There is a small movement at Indiana University to wear all black on every Thursday in April for some reason. But how does 10 or 20 thousand people wearing black promote awareness about starving Ethiopian children, or Gay rights, or animal cruelty? They want us to wear it so that we can promote awareness about sexual assault. But wouldn’t it be better to actually make people aware of sexual assault? To teach them what it is and how to deal with it? I don’t think wearing black really does that. I really don’t think it does. I don’t think things like that really make a huge impact. What is it really doing but creating a market for the color black at the Gap?
I wore black on Thursday…for an interview for a job my mom didn’t want me to get. The job is sort of a nothing job, but it pays and it didn’t seem like it was too taxing. You sit in residence hall computer labs and keep things tidy and well kept, fix the printer paper and cartridges. Occasionally you help people set up their own computers in their rooms. I love interviewing, so I was all set to make a fabulous impression. The interview which was supposed to last 45 minutes lasted an hour and a half. I didn’t get the job because I don’t know anything about computers. Not much was lost, my mom got her way (as usual) and I am still stuck jobless. But wearing black can be for other reasons than sexual assault…even if worn on days other than Thursdays.
But I supporting friends and family in their time of need, that is really something. Helping people, even indirectly, even in a large group, even if they don’t know who you are, even if it is just for 30 minutes, helping people makes a difference. Supporting people and being there for them. That is what makes the difference. That is where the answers are, they are in other people. Improving lives. Inspiring others. Everything we do in our lives deserves a purpose. We all deserve that, a life with direction and goals.
Shout out to Chad for brilliance:
RainyDays16 (6:56:44 PM): hey, i have a random question:
RainyDays16 (6:57:07 PM): so you know that people have been chalking all around the campus that thursdays in april we should all wear black...why is that?
RainyDays16 (6:57:21 PM): what are they trying to promote or create awareness about?
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:00:50 PM): Umm, I think it's a womens rights thing
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:00:56 PM): Sexual Assult mayhaps?
RainyDays16 (7:02:27 PM): that sounds right
RainyDays16 (7:02:29 PM): good memory!
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:03:05 PM): Well one day you'll have a day named after something you did. And you'll remember it too.
RainyDays16 (7:03:27 PM): haha
RainyDays16 (7:03:32 PM): oh chad....
A girl who lived in one of the houses across the street was found dead in her bed yesterday morning. I just went to a candlelight vigil in their front yard. I am not sure if that is what I would want for myself. They had the seniors, her close friends reading a rhyming poem and singing a song. I am not sure if that is something I would want. I suppose for closure purposes, they might want that for themselves. As a spectator, I found them to be distracting. They went through a mix of laughter and tears. I guess that is the way some people grieve.
I would love to know that I touched all those strangers lives, but I wouldn’t want my friends to stand on a balcony and make fools of themselves. That doesn’t sound like my kind of fun. I guess I am more carefree than that. I don’t need a plan like that. I wouldn’t want something that structured. Grief and loss and sadness aren’t structured. Dying isn’t a powerpoint presentation. A vigil isn’t a pop quiz, and a funeral isn’t the test. Nobody prepares for these. Writing a poem, and not one straight out of the heart, but one that rhymes…I don’t find that genuine enough for me.
I didn’t know her, but she sounded like a really happy, funny person. I think she will be missed. I hope she is missed. I hope everyone who dies is missed. At least by one person.
I guess times like this sort of inspire me. It is the time when I know, at least I beat out death this far. Death is the looming fear I fight when I am sick, and when am I not sick? I think it is a nice reality check. I sort of put my hands in my pockets to check that I am still there and then smile a bit as the tears run down my cheeks. Yup. Still completely here. Not that life is really a competition, but it is a race. A race against the clock. Something is ticking against you and you have to work to keep yourself on the right side of the stopwatch because once the clicker sounds the end of the race, you are down for the count and nobody really wins 1st place.
I don’t really think you can “do life well” or live better. But I think you can live life poorly and I think that is the struggle we all experience. That is what choices are based on. To improve life, to make your own life the best it can be for you. It is a personal choice that weaves through everything we decide.
But I cried my empathetic tears for her and her family and I now wear a green and white bow for her. And I guess that is sort of all I can do at this point. I don’t think I ever met her, but I almost joined her house. DZ was in my final three. I don’t know what could have been if I ended up there…
I guess people try to do things to make a difference a lot of the time, but I think that most things, unless they have a some type of real impact, do not really do much.
There is a small movement at Indiana University to wear all black on every Thursday in April for some reason. But how does 10 or 20 thousand people wearing black promote awareness about starving Ethiopian children, or Gay rights, or animal cruelty? They want us to wear it so that we can promote awareness about sexual assault. But wouldn’t it be better to actually make people aware of sexual assault? To teach them what it is and how to deal with it? I don’t think wearing black really does that. I really don’t think it does. I don’t think things like that really make a huge impact. What is it really doing but creating a market for the color black at the Gap?
I wore black on Thursday…for an interview for a job my mom didn’t want me to get. The job is sort of a nothing job, but it pays and it didn’t seem like it was too taxing. You sit in residence hall computer labs and keep things tidy and well kept, fix the printer paper and cartridges. Occasionally you help people set up their own computers in their rooms. I love interviewing, so I was all set to make a fabulous impression. The interview which was supposed to last 45 minutes lasted an hour and a half. I didn’t get the job because I don’t know anything about computers. Not much was lost, my mom got her way (as usual) and I am still stuck jobless. But wearing black can be for other reasons than sexual assault…even if worn on days other than Thursdays.
But I supporting friends and family in their time of need, that is really something. Helping people, even indirectly, even in a large group, even if they don’t know who you are, even if it is just for 30 minutes, helping people makes a difference. Supporting people and being there for them. That is what makes the difference. That is where the answers are, they are in other people. Improving lives. Inspiring others. Everything we do in our lives deserves a purpose. We all deserve that, a life with direction and goals.
Shout out to Chad for brilliance:
RainyDays16 (6:56:44 PM): hey, i have a random question:
RainyDays16 (6:57:07 PM): so you know that people have been chalking all around the campus that thursdays in april we should all wear black...why is that?
RainyDays16 (6:57:21 PM): what are they trying to promote or create awareness about?
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:00:50 PM): Umm, I think it's a womens rights thing
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:00:56 PM): Sexual Assult mayhaps?
RainyDays16 (7:02:27 PM): that sounds right
RainyDays16 (7:02:29 PM): good memory!
FLuFFYuMPKiNS (7:03:05 PM): Well one day you'll have a day named after something you did. And you'll remember it too.
RainyDays16 (7:03:27 PM): haha
RainyDays16 (7:03:32 PM): oh chad....