Horse Pills
I feel so terribly disconnected right now. Dare I say it, I am not doing well.
On Wednesday night it appears I ate something I was allergic to. I was up in the wee hours of the morning having food-poisoning-like symptoms. I went to class where my teacher told me I should just leave, and then skipped out on all my other classes. Today I went to class and felt better and then came home and had more food-poisoning-like symptoms. I haven’t really been able to walk very far. I am in lots of pain.
The angioedema has started acting up. I am swollen which is further preventing me from really walking anywhere.
The day worked out ok. I had a decent day. I got to hang out with Steve and host him and Sara at dinner, which I couldn’t finish. Then I got to bond with Jamie and Carissa. But now I sit alone in my 5 person room for the second time this semester with loads of homework in front of me waiting to be done and I cant do it.
I talked to my roommate from last year, Ashley online. I told her what was up with me, and I am reminded again of what is really wrong with me. I am worried sick about myself. I cant sleep at night anymore. I cannot wait for Friday to come. But I dread it all the same too.
The past several days have made me reconsider my options. I am contemplating dropping a class that I love so that I can devote more of my time to being healthy and alive. I am also exploring options in the event that I have to finish this semester at home or sort of give up on it altogether (which I would hate). I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I have to think about it.
I was talking with my mom tonight. She and the rest of the family are in LA at a bar mitzvah for my cousin. My fathers sister came and brought her adopted four-year-old daughter. My mom was showing her pictures of my brother matt and me. She had two pictures of me: my senior portrait and my senior presents picture. When she saw me in that white dress, she said, “She is a princess.”
So tonight, I became the princess in the eyes of a little girl I have never met as I sit here with my eyes dripping and my heart aching.
I think Im really gonna need a lot of therapy later in life…
On Wednesday night it appears I ate something I was allergic to. I was up in the wee hours of the morning having food-poisoning-like symptoms. I went to class where my teacher told me I should just leave, and then skipped out on all my other classes. Today I went to class and felt better and then came home and had more food-poisoning-like symptoms. I haven’t really been able to walk very far. I am in lots of pain.
The angioedema has started acting up. I am swollen which is further preventing me from really walking anywhere.
The day worked out ok. I had a decent day. I got to hang out with Steve and host him and Sara at dinner, which I couldn’t finish. Then I got to bond with Jamie and Carissa. But now I sit alone in my 5 person room for the second time this semester with loads of homework in front of me waiting to be done and I cant do it.
I talked to my roommate from last year, Ashley online. I told her what was up with me, and I am reminded again of what is really wrong with me. I am worried sick about myself. I cant sleep at night anymore. I cannot wait for Friday to come. But I dread it all the same too.
The past several days have made me reconsider my options. I am contemplating dropping a class that I love so that I can devote more of my time to being healthy and alive. I am also exploring options in the event that I have to finish this semester at home or sort of give up on it altogether (which I would hate). I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I have to think about it.
I was talking with my mom tonight. She and the rest of the family are in LA at a bar mitzvah for my cousin. My fathers sister came and brought her adopted four-year-old daughter. My mom was showing her pictures of my brother matt and me. She had two pictures of me: my senior portrait and my senior presents picture. When she saw me in that white dress, she said, “She is a princess.”
So tonight, I became the princess in the eyes of a little girl I have never met as I sit here with my eyes dripping and my heart aching.
I think Im really gonna need a lot of therapy later in life…