Things And Stuff.
Don't you all love how terribly specific I am? :p Here are updates on stuff that may not be of particular interest, but I feel like talking about. Beware of misspelled words and HTML errors, because I don't know how to Internet.
So. I broke up with Douche Bag Ex. it was anti-climactic and left me feeling really frustrated about it. But it's okay, because I didn't expect any better from him. I still find myself thinking about him, from time to time, though. I really haven't seen the awesome friends that I didn't want to give up, and that makes me feel sad. But oh well. Better to not be locked in a bad relationship solely because of them. I'll make new friends, I guess. There has been another boy situation, a very short one, with a friend named Zach. Zach is Ben's roommate, so I see him A LOT. He's a pretty cool guy, huge movie buff, and has an off-beat kind of humor. I like hanging out with this guy. What I DON'T like is when he tries to hold my hand during a movie. But don't fret, I handled it very maturely, and told him that I don't want a relationship with him. Which really is a shame, because he isn't the type to be a douche bag to chicks. I'm apparently allergic to Nice Guys, or something. I'm only attracted to douche bag assholes who don't want anything to do with me, or just want to exploit me. I know that this a very childish mindset, and I realize that it is very, very bad and WILL result in me getting hurt almost every time, but I can't seem to shake the habit. I'm still looking for a boyfriend, I will never stop, but...I don't know. I'm more cautious about crushes now, I guess.
I love this play. I love the director, love my cast, love EVERYTHING about it. This is exactly what I needed, something to pour my all in and just have fun with it. It's so therapeutic, going and becoming this character a couple of days out of the week. I love having something to work for, and being able to tangibly see and feel the result of my effort. I would be really, honestly content with doing this for the rest of my life. But then...I'm not. It's hard to explain. I'm not getting into all that. I'm NOT going to be a theatre major, and I WON'T do this for a living. It's just, sometimes that feels like common sense, and sometimes I have to convince myself. =/ But for now, the play is making me happy. And that's good, I guess.
I had a great day today. The problem with that, is that when I feel good, I get all these ideas, and convince myself that I HAVE to do all these things, and I'm going to be SUCH a better person, and everyone will love me so much more. I have to be more social, have to make new friends, have to talk to strangers, have to call up everyone and tell them how much I love them, have to change my hair and clothes, have to do all these things to re-invent myself into this person that's sure to be bounds better than I am now. I end up doing none of things, and feeling terrible about myself, just as I am. I guess it's just a natural up and down progression of my mood, but I'm tired of being disappointed in myself for not changing everything. It wears off after a while, but I really hate it when I crash like that. Usually, I'm fine with how I am. I'm flawed and childish, but there's a lot of people who love me, so I guess I'm doing something right. Hopefully.
There! A little insight into my life and how I work. Someday, when I'm older, I'll read over these entries and be horribly ashamed of College!Chelle. :3
So. I broke up with Douche Bag Ex. it was anti-climactic and left me feeling really frustrated about it. But it's okay, because I didn't expect any better from him. I still find myself thinking about him, from time to time, though. I really haven't seen the awesome friends that I didn't want to give up, and that makes me feel sad. But oh well. Better to not be locked in a bad relationship solely because of them. I'll make new friends, I guess. There has been another boy situation, a very short one, with a friend named Zach. Zach is Ben's roommate, so I see him A LOT. He's a pretty cool guy, huge movie buff, and has an off-beat kind of humor. I like hanging out with this guy. What I DON'T like is when he tries to hold my hand during a movie. But don't fret, I handled it very maturely, and told him that I don't want a relationship with him. Which really is a shame, because he isn't the type to be a douche bag to chicks. I'm apparently allergic to Nice Guys, or something. I'm only attracted to douche bag assholes who don't want anything to do with me, or just want to exploit me. I know that this a very childish mindset, and I realize that it is very, very bad and WILL result in me getting hurt almost every time, but I can't seem to shake the habit. I'm still looking for a boyfriend, I will never stop, but...I don't know. I'm more cautious about crushes now, I guess.
I love this play. I love the director, love my cast, love EVERYTHING about it. This is exactly what I needed, something to pour my all in and just have fun with it. It's so therapeutic, going and becoming this character a couple of days out of the week. I love having something to work for, and being able to tangibly see and feel the result of my effort. I would be really, honestly content with doing this for the rest of my life. But then...I'm not. It's hard to explain. I'm not getting into all that. I'm NOT going to be a theatre major, and I WON'T do this for a living. It's just, sometimes that feels like common sense, and sometimes I have to convince myself. =/ But for now, the play is making me happy. And that's good, I guess.
I had a great day today. The problem with that, is that when I feel good, I get all these ideas, and convince myself that I HAVE to do all these things, and I'm going to be SUCH a better person, and everyone will love me so much more. I have to be more social, have to make new friends, have to talk to strangers, have to call up everyone and tell them how much I love them, have to change my hair and clothes, have to do all these things to re-invent myself into this person that's sure to be bounds better than I am now. I end up doing none of things, and feeling terrible about myself, just as I am. I guess it's just a natural up and down progression of my mood, but I'm tired of being disappointed in myself for not changing everything. It wears off after a while, but I really hate it when I crash like that. Usually, I'm fine with how I am. I'm flawed and childish, but there's a lot of people who love me, so I guess I'm doing something right. Hopefully.
There! A little insight into my life and how I work. Someday, when I'm older, I'll read over these entries and be horribly ashamed of College!Chelle. :3