amazing yet not
myspace isnt working, i have homework, and im sick. the only good thing out of this week is that i decided on the guy. Guy #2. He is amazing. He is sweet ALL the time, dances with me, makes me laugh, holds my hands, and makes me happy. Homecoming was great because he was with me. Today was AMAZING because it seemed that he never left my side.I am feeling good when i am with him. i dont know. I dont know if he'll ever ask me out or if we will ever amount to anything. I dont like flirting without a reason. It is dumb. i guess i am just really confused. or maybe i am just maturing. agh, i dont know. One minute I feel so confident with him, and then the next, I feel my face blush and I cant look him in the eye. I know its just the beginning stage, but is there, that if it was meant to be, that it remains like this forever?Jerrod is being released from Jail this week. Praise God.On Tuesday, it marks the one year of my friend Josh’s death. It is so hard. I may not even come to school. He did so much with his life. No regrets. Funny. Smart. Amazing artist. An Average kid killed at age 16. One week before his birthday. We miss him. So much. There will NEVER be anyone like him.Thinking about him makes me want to reflect on my own life. What have I done? Could I die now and be satisfied with my life? No. I can answer that without a moments hesitation. I haven’t loved enough. I haven’t cried enough. Haven’t cared.
We are so selfish.