Tuesdays that feel like Mondays
Ok, so I'm slowly trying to transition over to LJ cuz I'm getting a little sick of xanga. Well, I'll keep that one going, but I think I'd like for less people to know about this one for now. Is that pathetic? Why would an individual post "journal-ish" entries online and expect to keep journal topics a secret? Dunno.... but I was doing a pretty damn good job keeping people from finding my xanga. Now I rarely type any meaningful entries.... well, except for things that piss me off like my parents' stupid divorce and how much my sister is suffering. Bleh. ANYWAYS...
So I am losing interest in a lot of things again. My depression spells cycle back faster and faster. I know reasons for why I'm unhappy, yet, I have no motivation to take care of this internal issue with myself. I guess being busy with two taiko groups, working 40 hours a week, driving everywhere, worrying about how my sister is either completely disrespectful to me or if she'll live to see her 21st birthday, spending even more money when I have a shit-load of bills to pay, hating my father, hating how life is around me, wondering if things will ever get better, trying to figure out what things/people is my life are poison, and etc. Yup, that's not everything, but it's enough for now. I know I am not living to my fullest. And this makes life seem very bitter to me. Certain emotions I choose not to feel. Certain desires I choose to ignore. I'm just unhappy all-around.
I was reading some of Sam's entries, and I am kinda comforted that someone else is like me. (Sorry Sam, don't take that personally)
TBC...
So I am losing interest in a lot of things again. My depression spells cycle back faster and faster. I know reasons for why I'm unhappy, yet, I have no motivation to take care of this internal issue with myself. I guess being busy with two taiko groups, working 40 hours a week, driving everywhere, worrying about how my sister is either completely disrespectful to me or if she'll live to see her 21st birthday, spending even more money when I have a shit-load of bills to pay, hating my father, hating how life is around me, wondering if things will ever get better, trying to figure out what things/people is my life are poison, and etc. Yup, that's not everything, but it's enough for now. I know I am not living to my fullest. And this makes life seem very bitter to me. Certain emotions I choose not to feel. Certain desires I choose to ignore. I'm just unhappy all-around.
I was reading some of Sam's entries, and I am kinda comforted that someone else is like me. (Sorry Sam, don't take that personally)
TBC...