insomnia
It's 11:21 and I can't sleep, even though I self-medicated with an alcoholic beverage or two. Even with the Klonopin my nights are still punctuated by nightmares (or last night's episode, which was totally different and was centered more on a different kind of stressor) and I dread going to bed now. The worst nightmares star my dad standing in my room with me. The most manageable ones are the undefinable ones--I wake up shaking and uncomfortable, but I don't remember what upset me. I have to be up at 4:45 a.m. in order to get ready for school and to prepare the lesson plan I woefully neglected to even approach this weekend (I had other priorities) but the thought of going to bed is just unappealing.
The trip to South Florida was totally worth it, despite some negatives when I came home.
The drive down was absolutely wretched--I cried the whole way, and struggled through a blinding rain storm. The drive back was great. I couldn't stop smiling.
And now, the real world re-asserts itself. I guess I should go lie down and try to drift off. Listening to myPod sometimes distracts me. The vodka didn't work.
It turns out I loved my father more deeply than I had ever imagined I had--and now I can't shake the feeling that we could have done more to save him. Hence, the nightmares.
Love to all.
The trip to South Florida was totally worth it, despite some negatives when I came home.
The drive down was absolutely wretched--I cried the whole way, and struggled through a blinding rain storm. The drive back was great. I couldn't stop smiling.
And now, the real world re-asserts itself. I guess I should go lie down and try to drift off. Listening to myPod sometimes distracts me. The vodka didn't work.
It turns out I loved my father more deeply than I had ever imagined I had--and now I can't shake the feeling that we could have done more to save him. Hence, the nightmares.
Love to all.