pull out my hairs!!

[miss_botanic]

Lots of stuff... lots of stuff...

lets start with the bad. John and i have been fighting the past few weeks. i wont get into too much detail but i'm really frustrated and confused. I love him to death, but sometimes its just so hard living with him

onto the good
I've done a few photo shoots. One with the lovely xdelicatexdecay

Comments

[lyciumchld]

Every relationship has it's ups and downs, sweetie. I wouldn't put too much stock in it, fighting is normal. There are some signs to watch out for though, because what makes or breaks a relationship is not whether or not you fight (because you will, it's a guarantee), but how you resolve your conflicts with one another.

Some things to remember:
1)Pick your battles. Men need to be approved of and needed. Keeping this in mind, sometimes it's more important to get along than it is to be right. That isn't to say you should just roll over and be a doormat when it's important, but be aware of just what Is important and what, in the end, really doesn't matter too much. It will make life a whole lot easier for you because he'll be alot more likely to listen when you really need him to, and because he'll feel more consistently that approval from you, it won't be so much of a blow to his ego at those particular moments when you don't.

2)Because he's several years older than you are, John is likely to seem pretty set in his ways to you. He's been out on his own, maintaining his own house and life for a while. It's ok to let him know gently that you'd like to compromise. It makes it easier to talk through these things outside of the bedroom, preferrably in a neutral zone. That way you're both thinking about what you really want to communicate to the other and still on good behaviour because neither is feeling as territorial. Realize that it is likely both of you will have to change a few things, and it may take a while before it gets really comfortable.

3) Not sure if he has, but if John has been in the armed services it is likely that he may seem a bit more stubborn on certain issues than most. It just goes with the territory, let him know at a calm, neutral moment that it makes you feel a bit intimidated and undervalued. It could be that the things you are getting from his communications are not at all what he's intending.

I would recommend a couple of books:
"The Seven Best Things Happy Couples Do", by John and Linda Friel, and "The Gentle Art of Nonviolent Communication", by Joel Rosenberg (or something similar). The first title is invaluable, I've read it myself and go back to revisit every now and again. The second title (or any other like it) will just help to make sure that arguments don't get out of hand. Sometimes we're not aware of how we come off, and it's possible that because of past experiences both of you may be coming off a bit more harsh than you intended. That can escalate an argument really quickly. Reading something like this will give you some tools to make sure that doesn't happen, both to diffuse it when he does it, and to make sure you're putting your best foot forward.

I could be way off base here, because you haven't really said quite what is going on, but I hope this helps.

The pictures look great!!! You are so photogenic! :D