suddenly writing.
i signed on to post an entry because i've already posted two surveys in myspace and personally i think three is excessive. so i figured i'd post here instead. then, i suddenly felt like writing, which is surprising, because writing and i have been battling this week. i've been surprisingly receptive to ideas, random encounters and events that normally mean nothing have been sparking plots and stories in my mind constantly. then i sit down to write them and struggle. this is ironic as i randomly read something recently about david elliott and he was talking about the fact that, as a writer, he needs to sometimes not let himself write so that the ideas can come to him and he can hear them. i don't have that kind of self control though, so i end up writing as soon as i have a free moment and an idea, and then i get started and i'm going and going and going and then i slam into the proverbial brick wall called writers block. and then i stop. hence the reason i have two stories started right now and no drive or ability to finish them. it's frustrating. so anyway, that's been my war with writing lately and so i didn't figure i'd feel like writing anything tonight. but then i opened up the post an entry page and suddenly changed my mind.
my mom was cool with the new tattoo. it's healing really well and i'm glad i got it, i like feeling balanced and symmetrical once again. if i had a camera i would post a picture of it, however, i am still camera-less. my dad has a picture that he should be emailing me soon, and when and if i get that i'll be sure to post it for all to see. but anyway, my mom was ok with it. she rolled her eyes and sighed a little, but she's cool enough to let it slide.
my dad is gone. my mom is back in newfane. it's fucked up, to be honest. i mean, it's good, i guess. but it's weird. and i got spoiled having her in brattleboro, so i don't like that she's in newfane now and not a 5 minute drive away. i drove by her apartment the other night and felt inexplicably sad, just knowing that she wasn't there. that it's not her apartment anymore, and that the next time i see a light on through a window there, it will be someone else's light and not hers.
so dad's in north carolina. thursday was my first thanksgiving totally without him. it was a hollow feeling. not really bad, not really good, just a little empty spot that i was aware of. like, after you lose a tooth as a kid and your tongue keeps going to that spot where the tooth was, so see what it feels like now that the tooth isn't there. it doesn't hurt, it just feels different and weird. and you're hyper aware of it.
i went christmas shopping and that was good - got a ton of gifts bought for people. RACHEL MARIE ALLEN, IF YOU READ THIS, I HAVE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR YOU!!! :):):) but i don't know if you ever get to read this any more cake, so if you do, i miss you. and if you don't, then i'll just have to call you and taunt you about your christmas gifts over the telephone.
abby comes home soon and that's good. i'm needing the presence of females in my life. just because i do. maybe i just need people in general. but i'm just getting sick of boys. if that makes sense. i don't know. maybe it's just because there's a football game on in theother room and i'm just not really into that. at all. ick.
ok, i'm suddenly out of things to say, so i'm gonna do the survey that i orginally intended to do, and then sign off for the night.
hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving.
EIGHT have you's:
8. have you ever dated someone twice: no. once bitten twice shy sort of thing. wow that was cliche.
7. have you ever been cheated on: i don't think so...although chris was more in love with his computer and games than he was with me...does that count? lol.
6. have you ever bought condoms?: i've bought them once. it was a memorable experience.
5. have you ever kissed someone & regret it? no, but i've regretted not kissing someone before.
4. have you ever fallen in love?: yep, and i've fallen pretty hard.
3. have you ever lost someone?: i've lost a few.
2. have you ever been depressed: yes, only i didn't really realize it then. i know now that i was.
1. have you ever been so drunk you threw up? just once, but i still don't think it was just all the alcohol...
SEVEN lasts:
7. last beverage: smirnoff triple black
6. last phone call: mama
5. last text: probably abby
4. cd played: in the car, either keith urban or carrie underwood
3. last BUBBLE bath? um....at school maybe?
2. last time you cried: this afternoon.
1. word: you
SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Went to school: no...thank god:)
2. Went to work: yeah, i worked at the bank for a few hours yesterday
3. Colored: nope, but a few days before that i probably did
5. Got drunk: nah, it's been a few weeks since i've had a few drinks.
6. Slept: yes, thankfully
list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to --
*rach
*ethan
*mama
*boy
*my sister
list FOUR favorite colors.
*black
*blues
*pinks
*brown
So Far in '06 I have........
Have been to school:
i work at a school
Made a new friend:
a few
Fallen out of love:
i've let people go, but that's not the same thing
Done something you swore never to do:
haha, yep. hence being back in IP.
Laughed until you cried:
yes
Went behind your parents back:
i guess kinda, with the tattoo thing, but that was just silly:)
Met someone who changed your life:
yes
Gotten close to someone:
yes
Found out who your true friends were:
my inklings have been reinforced
Random...
1. Bush:
i don't even care anymore.
2. Gay Marriage?:
i'm cool with it.
3. Lowering the drinking age?:
i think it might not be a bad idea to make it 18.
4.gay, lesbian, Bi?:
i'm straight. but i'm cool with people from all walks of life.
5. Do you have a crush?:
sure. a couple. on girls and boys. ;)
6. Who is the best hugger that you know?:
boy: cliff. girl: rach.
7. do you believe in Love at first sight?:
no. ugh, why does every single survey ask this?
8. Is there something you want to tell someone?
many things i'd like to tell many people.
9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?:
sure.
11. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?:
pretty much all of them, except for Nip/Tuck.
12. how many kids do you want to have?:
i think maybe 2. if any. maybe. i don't know.
13. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
with my mama, yeah, with my dad, eh.
14. Do you wanna change your name?
no thanks. i don't even know if i want to change my last name when i get married.
15. What did you do for your last birthday?
went to dinner with the folks and the boy.
16.What time did you wake up today?:
9ish
17. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping i think.
18. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
see a few people again.
19. Last time you saw your dad?
last saturday, 11/18. but i'm gonna pretend it was thursday 11/16, because that was way more fun.
20. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
i wish i could have all the people i love closer to me so i could be with them all more often.
21. Which hand do you like better?
my right hand. honestly. who the heck prefers one hand over the other?
22.What are you listening to right now?
the commentary from a stupid football game.
23.Have you ever talked to Tom?
Assuming you mean myspace Tom, no. i have known other toms though, whom i have talked to.
24. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?:
yep.
25. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back?:
yes.
26. Least favorite month?
i'd say march, except that's when my birthday is. i don't know, maybe may?
27. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?
i borrowed the boys hannafords t shirt (i e, i have confiscated it for pjs)
28. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
i'll plead the fifth, lol.
29. Most visited webpage?
my email, myspace.
30. Would you help your best friend fight if he/she is losing?:
yeah, unless he/she is fighting with me!
31. Coke or Pepsi?:
plain pepsi, flavored coke.
33. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? the boy.
34. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world?
who doesn't.
36: Do you wish you lived in NYC?:
no thanks. i'm a country girl, i'm pretty happy right here.
this survey was stupid.
the end.
my mom was cool with the new tattoo. it's healing really well and i'm glad i got it, i like feeling balanced and symmetrical once again. if i had a camera i would post a picture of it, however, i am still camera-less. my dad has a picture that he should be emailing me soon, and when and if i get that i'll be sure to post it for all to see. but anyway, my mom was ok with it. she rolled her eyes and sighed a little, but she's cool enough to let it slide.
my dad is gone. my mom is back in newfane. it's fucked up, to be honest. i mean, it's good, i guess. but it's weird. and i got spoiled having her in brattleboro, so i don't like that she's in newfane now and not a 5 minute drive away. i drove by her apartment the other night and felt inexplicably sad, just knowing that she wasn't there. that it's not her apartment anymore, and that the next time i see a light on through a window there, it will be someone else's light and not hers.
so dad's in north carolina. thursday was my first thanksgiving totally without him. it was a hollow feeling. not really bad, not really good, just a little empty spot that i was aware of. like, after you lose a tooth as a kid and your tongue keeps going to that spot where the tooth was, so see what it feels like now that the tooth isn't there. it doesn't hurt, it just feels different and weird. and you're hyper aware of it.
i went christmas shopping and that was good - got a ton of gifts bought for people. RACHEL MARIE ALLEN, IF YOU READ THIS, I HAVE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR YOU!!! :):):) but i don't know if you ever get to read this any more cake, so if you do, i miss you. and if you don't, then i'll just have to call you and taunt you about your christmas gifts over the telephone.
abby comes home soon and that's good. i'm needing the presence of females in my life. just because i do. maybe i just need people in general. but i'm just getting sick of boys. if that makes sense. i don't know. maybe it's just because there's a football game on in theother room and i'm just not really into that. at all. ick.
ok, i'm suddenly out of things to say, so i'm gonna do the survey that i orginally intended to do, and then sign off for the night.
hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving.
EIGHT have you's:
8. have you ever dated someone twice: no. once bitten twice shy sort of thing. wow that was cliche.
7. have you ever been cheated on: i don't think so...although chris was more in love with his computer and games than he was with me...does that count? lol.
6. have you ever bought condoms?: i've bought them once. it was a memorable experience.
5. have you ever kissed someone & regret it? no, but i've regretted not kissing someone before.
4. have you ever fallen in love?: yep, and i've fallen pretty hard.
3. have you ever lost someone?: i've lost a few.
2. have you ever been depressed: yes, only i didn't really realize it then. i know now that i was.
1. have you ever been so drunk you threw up? just once, but i still don't think it was just all the alcohol...
SEVEN lasts:
7. last beverage: smirnoff triple black
6. last phone call: mama
5. last text: probably abby
4. cd played: in the car, either keith urban or carrie underwood
3. last BUBBLE bath? um....at school maybe?
2. last time you cried: this afternoon.
1. word: you
SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Went to school: no...thank god:)
2. Went to work: yeah, i worked at the bank for a few hours yesterday
3. Colored: nope, but a few days before that i probably did
5. Got drunk: nah, it's been a few weeks since i've had a few drinks.
6. Slept: yes, thankfully
list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to --
*rach
*ethan
*mama
*boy
*my sister
list FOUR favorite colors.
*black
*blues
*pinks
*brown
So Far in '06 I have........
Have been to school:
i work at a school
Made a new friend:
a few
Fallen out of love:
i've let people go, but that's not the same thing
Done something you swore never to do:
haha, yep. hence being back in IP.
Laughed until you cried:
yes
Went behind your parents back:
i guess kinda, with the tattoo thing, but that was just silly:)
Met someone who changed your life:
yes
Gotten close to someone:
yes
Found out who your true friends were:
my inklings have been reinforced
Random...
1. Bush:
i don't even care anymore.
2. Gay Marriage?:
i'm cool with it.
3. Lowering the drinking age?:
i think it might not be a bad idea to make it 18.
4.gay, lesbian, Bi?:
i'm straight. but i'm cool with people from all walks of life.
5. Do you have a crush?:
sure. a couple. on girls and boys. ;)
6. Who is the best hugger that you know?:
boy: cliff. girl: rach.
7. do you believe in Love at first sight?:
no. ugh, why does every single survey ask this?
8. Is there something you want to tell someone?
many things i'd like to tell many people.
9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?:
sure.
11. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?:
pretty much all of them, except for Nip/Tuck.
12. how many kids do you want to have?:
i think maybe 2. if any. maybe. i don't know.
13. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
with my mama, yeah, with my dad, eh.
14. Do you wanna change your name?
no thanks. i don't even know if i want to change my last name when i get married.
15. What did you do for your last birthday?
went to dinner with the folks and the boy.
16.What time did you wake up today?:
9ish
17. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping i think.
18. Name something you CANNOT wait to do:
see a few people again.
19. Last time you saw your dad?
last saturday, 11/18. but i'm gonna pretend it was thursday 11/16, because that was way more fun.
20. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
i wish i could have all the people i love closer to me so i could be with them all more often.
21. Which hand do you like better?
my right hand. honestly. who the heck prefers one hand over the other?
22.What are you listening to right now?
the commentary from a stupid football game.
23.Have you ever talked to Tom?
Assuming you mean myspace Tom, no. i have known other toms though, whom i have talked to.
24. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?:
yep.
25. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back?:
yes.
26. Least favorite month?
i'd say march, except that's when my birthday is. i don't know, maybe may?
27. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?
i borrowed the boys hannafords t shirt (i e, i have confiscated it for pjs)
28. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
i'll plead the fifth, lol.
29. Most visited webpage?
my email, myspace.
30. Would you help your best friend fight if he/she is losing?:
yeah, unless he/she is fighting with me!
31. Coke or Pepsi?:
plain pepsi, flavored coke.
33. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? the boy.
34. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world?
who doesn't.
36: Do you wish you lived in NYC?:
no thanks. i'm a country girl, i'm pretty happy right here.
this survey was stupid.
the end.