(no subject)
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
--Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
--The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
--The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
--Because it's worth it.
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
--One US leader.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
--Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
--Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
--Because Janet Reno is her real father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
--100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
--A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
--Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
--45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
--45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
--Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
--They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
--Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
--After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
--The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
--Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
--A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
--"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
--Beer Nuts are $2.50, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
--Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
--Everyone there has the same DNA.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
--A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
--They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
--A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
--Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
--A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
--No one's tall enough to go on the good ride
My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one
black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.
--Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
--The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
--The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
--Because it's worth it.
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
--One US leader.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
--Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
--Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
--Because Janet Reno is her real father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
--100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
--A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
--Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
--45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
--45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
--Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
--They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
--Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
--After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
--The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
--Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
--A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
--"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
--Beer Nuts are $2.50, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
--Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
--Everyone there has the same DNA.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
--A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
--They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
--A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
--Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
--A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
--No one's tall enough to go on the good ride
My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one
black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.