Thank You, So Long, and Good Night
I really dont know what to say right at the moment so I am just going to write whatever comes out:
As I sit on my shitty couch in my shitty apartment alone because my room mate is off dog sitting I watch old My Chemical Romance interviews that I know I have watched billions of times before and I understand why I love them so much. I already knew why to a certain extent but it is now like the huge light bulb that I have always knew was there within my being and laid dormant for so long has finally gone off.
I now realize that I have so much to live for and Gerard's lyrics along with some of my other favorite musicians have finally helped me figure this out. I know that I will probably be a angst stricken person for the rest of my life but why sit at home in the dark and go poor me all the time. I really do have a lot to give the world and I finally want to start to give what I have to offer and love than sit and wait for love and understanding to come to me.
I understand that my mother may not ever love me the way I want her to or that death really will happen to me (when it is supposed to come) and I am finally okay with this. That in the past all the suicide attempts failed for a reason!
I never thought I would say that. Not in a million year.
I am okay with being the odd one out or the loser with no friends or the outcast.
I dont need other people's approval to be happy with myself.
And all those names or stereotypes or whatever people call them these days don't matter to me anymore.
I maybe black and I may listen to My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy or Rise Against but they make me happy and want to dance and that is exactly what I am going to do.
I am going to dance and sing (even if I cant) and be happy for once in my life!
I know that I will never be fully 'cured' of my depression or bipolar or Hepatitis C and I may have to stay medicated my entire life but I am no long ashamed to be who I really am. I will be strong and I will carry on.
And as I cry writing this I know that these are no longer tears of sorrow but tears of hope and the happiness I know I deserve.
I have finally grow up and I will be starting a new journal as soon as I finish this entry.
Although this will not be the last in this journal...
I know it is not the last in this journal it is the beginning...
The beginning of my life
Thank you to all those who have helped me through hard times and let me cry on their shoulder and all those friends that stood by me. Thanks for being there!
But who I really should thank are the musicians like MCR that finally slapped me across the face and showed me there is a way out.
YOU'VE SAVED ME
As I sit on my shitty couch in my shitty apartment alone because my room mate is off dog sitting I watch old My Chemical Romance interviews that I know I have watched billions of times before and I understand why I love them so much. I already knew why to a certain extent but it is now like the huge light bulb that I have always knew was there within my being and laid dormant for so long has finally gone off.
I now realize that I have so much to live for and Gerard's lyrics along with some of my other favorite musicians have finally helped me figure this out. I know that I will probably be a angst stricken person for the rest of my life but why sit at home in the dark and go poor me all the time. I really do have a lot to give the world and I finally want to start to give what I have to offer and love than sit and wait for love and understanding to come to me.
I understand that my mother may not ever love me the way I want her to or that death really will happen to me (when it is supposed to come) and I am finally okay with this. That in the past all the suicide attempts failed for a reason!
I never thought I would say that. Not in a million year.
I am okay with being the odd one out or the loser with no friends or the outcast.
I dont need other people's approval to be happy with myself.
And all those names or stereotypes or whatever people call them these days don't matter to me anymore.
I maybe black and I may listen to My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy or Rise Against but they make me happy and want to dance and that is exactly what I am going to do.
I am going to dance and sing (even if I cant) and be happy for once in my life!
I know that I will never be fully 'cured' of my depression or bipolar or Hepatitis C and I may have to stay medicated my entire life but I am no long ashamed to be who I really am. I will be strong and I will carry on.
And as I cry writing this I know that these are no longer tears of sorrow but tears of hope and the happiness I know I deserve.
I have finally grow up and I will be starting a new journal as soon as I finish this entry.
Although this will not be the last in this journal...
I know it is not the last in this journal it is the beginning...
The beginning of my life
Thank you to all those who have helped me through hard times and let me cry on their shoulder and all those friends that stood by me. Thanks for being there!
But who I really should thank are the musicians like MCR that finally slapped me across the face and showed me there is a way out.
YOU'VE SAVED ME