For God Sake Preach With Conviction...
So... it has really taken me this long to have the balls to post something in this blog. I dunno why this one makes things different, but it always seems more solid.
Christian and I have been broken up for over a month now. At first I almost thought that I was going to slip back into that dark place where I was 4 years ago, but I pulled through. I'm so proud of myself for that. I slipped for a little while but pulled myself back up and allowed myself got into the world.
I casually dated for a little while. I'm not naming names just to protect the innocent and save myself some long, drawn out explanation. I re realized that it just isn't my scene, it made me feel terrible because I knew that at the end of the day someone was going to be hurt. Plus in my world being single is just like... a sin. I hate it.
HATE. Hate it. I'm not even all that dependent anymore, but I cannot stand to be single. Being single for a whole month, the longest I have been single in a very, VERY long time, damn near killed my psyche. But whatever, I made it through almost entirely un-scared.
And then something expected, yet very much unexpected happened... Lexi stopped being single. Billy was always the guy that I never talked to anyone about, but anyone who saw us together knew that somehow, someway we were going to end up together. If it wasn't for him I might not ever have ended things with Sam. He helped me to see that I was settling with Sam and that I could have so much better.
I thought that I had lost him forever for a while. And as terrible as that sounds, that's why I started the whole casual dating deal... I assumed that I couldn't get a hold of him because he wasn't interested in me anymore, so threw myself into relationships to make myself feel better. For about two seconds I even considered getting back together with Sam before we started fighting all the time.
However, we reconnected and life is pretty amazing. I don't get to see him at all during the week while he's up in Maryland at school, but it helps to keep me working on my dependence issues. Plus I've got Christian to help me through the weeks.
So the moral of the story is, I've got my boyfriend on the weekends and my gay boy during the week. And they understand and agree with what's going on.
Jesus fucking christ life is amazing.
Christian and I have been broken up for over a month now. At first I almost thought that I was going to slip back into that dark place where I was 4 years ago, but I pulled through. I'm so proud of myself for that. I slipped for a little while but pulled myself back up and allowed myself got into the world.
I casually dated for a little while. I'm not naming names just to protect the innocent and save myself some long, drawn out explanation. I re realized that it just isn't my scene, it made me feel terrible because I knew that at the end of the day someone was going to be hurt. Plus in my world being single is just like... a sin. I hate it.
HATE. Hate it. I'm not even all that dependent anymore, but I cannot stand to be single. Being single for a whole month, the longest I have been single in a very, VERY long time, damn near killed my psyche. But whatever, I made it through almost entirely un-scared.
And then something expected, yet very much unexpected happened... Lexi stopped being single. Billy was always the guy that I never talked to anyone about, but anyone who saw us together knew that somehow, someway we were going to end up together. If it wasn't for him I might not ever have ended things with Sam. He helped me to see that I was settling with Sam and that I could have so much better.
I thought that I had lost him forever for a while. And as terrible as that sounds, that's why I started the whole casual dating deal... I assumed that I couldn't get a hold of him because he wasn't interested in me anymore, so threw myself into relationships to make myself feel better. For about two seconds I even considered getting back together with Sam before we started fighting all the time.
However, we reconnected and life is pretty amazing. I don't get to see him at all during the week while he's up in Maryland at school, but it helps to keep me working on my dependence issues. Plus I've got Christian to help me through the weeks.
So the moral of the story is, I've got my boyfriend on the weekends and my gay boy during the week. And they understand and agree with what's going on.
Jesus fucking christ life is amazing.