The "About me" From my facebook
Why I am the way I am #2288 :
When I was young it was my job to lobby on my sisters behalf for things we actually wanted to eat. While the nutritional value of our lunches and dinners were never suspect, my parents always held firm to a principle they had established during a brief health-food flirtation in the late 1970's - no sugared cereal. I steeled myself as we rolled into the grocery store and cereal aisle, where cartoon characters taunted me from their boxes, pimping the secret prizes within.
I selected a box of Honeycomb, affecting an expression of malnourished need. My mom flattened her wide lips and shook her stylish hairdo.
"But Mom," I said, "It's a delicious part of this nutritious breakfast."
"Since you and your sisters did such a good job of cleaning the bathroom I'll let you splurge and get Frosted mini-Wheats."
FUCK ME. Frosted mini-Wheats hardly counted as a sugared cereal. I could hear my sisters miming a gag. I switched tactics and decided to ask for more than I expect, hoping that I could steer my mom to the centre, to something like Corn Pops. I pulled down a box of Cap'n Crunch.
"Not in a million years. You'll rot your face off. It's either Frosted Mini-Wheats or you're getting Cheerios."
"Fruit Loops?"
"MATTHEW RYAN."
"Okay. Frosted Mini-Wheats."
When I was young it was my job to lobby on my sisters behalf for things we actually wanted to eat. While the nutritional value of our lunches and dinners were never suspect, my parents always held firm to a principle they had established during a brief health-food flirtation in the late 1970's - no sugared cereal. I steeled myself as we rolled into the grocery store and cereal aisle, where cartoon characters taunted me from their boxes, pimping the secret prizes within.
I selected a box of Honeycomb, affecting an expression of malnourished need. My mom flattened her wide lips and shook her stylish hairdo.
"But Mom," I said, "It's a delicious part of this nutritious breakfast."
"Since you and your sisters did such a good job of cleaning the bathroom I'll let you splurge and get Frosted mini-Wheats."
FUCK ME. Frosted mini-Wheats hardly counted as a sugared cereal. I could hear my sisters miming a gag. I switched tactics and decided to ask for more than I expect, hoping that I could steer my mom to the centre, to something like Corn Pops. I pulled down a box of Cap'n Crunch.
"Not in a million years. You'll rot your face off. It's either Frosted Mini-Wheats or you're getting Cheerios."
"Fruit Loops?"
"MATTHEW RYAN."
"Okay. Frosted Mini-Wheats."