(no subject)
From middle school up until junior year of high school I hated Christmas. Family, divorce, adultery, greed, selfishness, loneliness, lying. That was Christmas to me. My pleasant Christmas memories from Freshman year include playing the lordoftherings.net game and watching Monsingor Renard with Anna. Dominic Monaghan was all the holiday cheer I needed.
Then I became a Jester and I was focused on Christmas from October through January for two years running. Christmas was wassail, big goofy sunglasses, the boar's head, zingers, jesters assembling, gossiping with schrock-dawg, and getting to listen to my friends sing beautiful music every single day. I can still distinctly remember exactly what it takes to run in jester tights without slipping in the snow puddles and wassail gunk that covered the stage on performance nights. That's Christmas to me.
Freshman year of college, I came back to play with the Jesters a couple times. I dressed as an elf for Kelsey's Christmas party. I got to see all of my friends again for the first time, and I tried to make amends with the family Christmas's of years past. I was still full of cheer.
I honestly don't remember what I did on Christmas last year. I do remember going home from Kelsey's party tired and slightly annoyed with my friends. I remember spending my month home reading book after book; ignoring most of my friends' calls and begrudging hanging out with people. Christmas passed, that was it.
Now my roommates are decorating our apartment. Planning cookie baking and ugly sweater parties. There is a gaudy tree outside my bedroom door. I've been asked to make ornaments. I told them to consider me a Jew for the next month.
I am, once again, the Grinch.
It feels right. It feels nice.
Then I became a Jester and I was focused on Christmas from October through January for two years running. Christmas was wassail, big goofy sunglasses, the boar's head, zingers, jesters assembling, gossiping with schrock-dawg, and getting to listen to my friends sing beautiful music every single day. I can still distinctly remember exactly what it takes to run in jester tights without slipping in the snow puddles and wassail gunk that covered the stage on performance nights. That's Christmas to me.
Freshman year of college, I came back to play with the Jesters a couple times. I dressed as an elf for Kelsey's Christmas party. I got to see all of my friends again for the first time, and I tried to make amends with the family Christmas's of years past. I was still full of cheer.
I honestly don't remember what I did on Christmas last year. I do remember going home from Kelsey's party tired and slightly annoyed with my friends. I remember spending my month home reading book after book; ignoring most of my friends' calls and begrudging hanging out with people. Christmas passed, that was it.
Now my roommates are decorating our apartment. Planning cookie baking and ugly sweater parties. There is a gaudy tree outside my bedroom door. I've been asked to make ornaments. I told them to consider me a Jew for the next month.
I am, once again, the Grinch.
It feels right. It feels nice.