a meditation on waffles: mindfulness in marriage
this morning, i wanted to cook.
not something spectacular, but something that was at least nourishing, and tasty.
but all brian wanted was waffles. not hot off the griddle, fluffy honeycombed masterpieces. nope. he wanted the easy, quick frozen kind.
i offered eggs cooked a zillion ways, faux meats like not-bacon or not-sausage, i was even eyeballing my recipe for "breakfast cups" which is sort of an unholy yet tasty mix of multiple breakfast modalities all in a bite sized muffin cup. something frozen from a box seemed like a crime, like a horrible admission of not being a Perfect Wife. i could do better...couldn't i? surely there was something i could create for someone i loved and adored, someone who gave me so much.
nope. he wanted waffles.
sighing, i popped them into the toaster. at the first ping of the mechanical timer, i eyeballed them suspiciously. two pale yellow circles of wheat, yet they still appeared lackluster. poking at them, sure enough - they weren't done. cold to the touch...still frozen. if i was going to serve boxwaffles, they sure as hell would be done. so a few minutes later and i had something that looked like i'd at least maybe put a little bit of effort into it. golden, slightly brown on the edges...acceptable.
20 seconds onto a plate, and i was ready to serve. calling for brian, an amused voice replied "did you fix them the way i like them?"
and - that was it. the great pause. he likes his waffles a certain way?
now, before ANYONE tries to crucify me on the altar of feminism, or decides my husband somehow keeps me barefoot in the kitchen slaving for him, let me say that i LIKE knowing things like that. to me, it's the little things in life that we know about each other that can sustain us through the bad times. taking the time to be mindful of one another, to know likes, dislikes, passions, and fears...well, that keeps us close. i know that we won't always share everything, and that we certainly won't like the same things. but it's still incredible to learn these things and, whenever possible, to indulge one another. like when he shampoos my hair for me when i'm super stressed out, or when i go pick up sugar coke for him as a treat.
brian padded into the kitchen, soft feet on bamboo floor. he smiled and said, "let me show you." and so as he spoke i carefully set up his waffles. a pat of butter on each. then the syrup - carefully dripped so each individual square got a bit. and then the final touch; stacking one on top of the others.
when i was done, he kissed my forehead. "that's how i like them" he said and smiled. he has this way of saying things - in a quiet yet adorable way. i can't explain it, but it always melts my heart. and suddenly i realized, something that i'd despised was, quite possibly, the best thing ever to him. even now, after nearly 7 years of marriage and - geez - almost 10 years total together, i'm still learning. there's still magic in discovering little niceties about one another, and i'm mindful and planning to keep making that effort to love and learn.
i hope i never forget how he likes his waffles.