cory is gone.
This is day number two. Day number one was well horrible. He left wednesday so yesterday was officially day number one. Wednesday was horrible as well. I should have talked to him before he left. But I was too irrational.
I am getting better as the time passes...and as I talk to people. I miss him immensely. I am not sure what I want to happen. I mean ideally I would like him to come back on my birthday like he promised. but I dont know if he will. I mean who knows...maybe he might meet someone that is better than me. I wasnt perfect...and maybe he will find someone else. and only come back to pick up the rest of his stuff.
It is really hard for me right now. I dont know how i get myself in these situations. Oh wait yeah...by dating people that have problems! Ugh. It is so aggrivating. I dont know what to do. I mean do I wait for him. He pinky swore he would be back by july 2. DO I wait till then for him? Or do I just say fuck it...lets live my life...and if he comes back great. but if he doesnt I wont be dissappointed. My family has said that he will come back. BUt I mean I dont know...Will he? He says so..but what if he is just trying to make the blow softer?
I havent heard from him since yesterday morning. 24 hours. And even then it was brief. I really want him to call me. I want to talk to him. I mean shit you spend 10 months with this person see them every day...and then you dont talk to them for 24 hours...that is a woah..knock me on my ass. YOU just get accustom to certain things right?
I was never good with long distant relations.
I havent eaten since wednesday after noon. I mean well I had half a yogurt parfait...yesterday morning, and one this morning. I tried to eat last night...but threw it up. My stomach is upset. I am upset. I cant eat when I am upset. The hunger pains are ignored by the pain that I feel inside.
Maybe we were doomed. We rushed. wasnt right. didnt fit. but god how I fell in love with him. He is my everything..as sad and pathetic as that is he was. He was my best friend. He was my boyfriend. My roommate. My rock. My everything. I cant put it any other way. And the amount of money that I spent on him...means shit to me...I know people think this and that. but whatever right? I dont know.
I know I have said that I wanted him to leave. but the past few months have been bliss! Everything was going well. We got past the initial getting to know how the other worked...and we created a balance. We got along fine. Didnt fight. We had a system a schedule. And now well that is gone. I have no system. I dont know what to do anymore. I have been living dependantly upon him to assist me and for me to assist him ...I would have to revamp my life again..to accomodate his absence. Will we have to find the pleasent niche that we had when he returns? Or will things just fall into thier natural order of things?
I mean but what if he doesnt come back? Or what if he comes back and says hey I met this girl...and well I am here to get the rest of my stuff. See you some time.
Ugh. that would kill me. like beyond belief. Whether or not I moved on. Because no matter how far I travel on my own to get away from him...there will always be that little light of hope that he would come home you know? like Hoping and waiting for him to come back so I can run up to him hug him..throw him in the shower cause I am sure he would be stinky pete..and then kiss him all over and show him how much I miss him.
A month isnt that long right? not that long to wait? A month flies by so fast. But then again a month is a long time to wait for the person that you love.
ugh I dont know what to do. I guess I wish he hadnt left.
but what if it is a benefit. What if he comes back and on his trip realizes how great I am and how much he loves me and wants to be with me...and then we stay together forever.
Ugh..hopeless romantic bullshit.
Well I guess I am done ranting now. I wish I could predict the future.
I am getting better as the time passes...and as I talk to people. I miss him immensely. I am not sure what I want to happen. I mean ideally I would like him to come back on my birthday like he promised. but I dont know if he will. I mean who knows...maybe he might meet someone that is better than me. I wasnt perfect...and maybe he will find someone else. and only come back to pick up the rest of his stuff.
It is really hard for me right now. I dont know how i get myself in these situations. Oh wait yeah...by dating people that have problems! Ugh. It is so aggrivating. I dont know what to do. I mean do I wait for him. He pinky swore he would be back by july 2. DO I wait till then for him? Or do I just say fuck it...lets live my life...and if he comes back great. but if he doesnt I wont be dissappointed. My family has said that he will come back. BUt I mean I dont know...Will he? He says so..but what if he is just trying to make the blow softer?
I havent heard from him since yesterday morning. 24 hours. And even then it was brief. I really want him to call me. I want to talk to him. I mean shit you spend 10 months with this person see them every day...and then you dont talk to them for 24 hours...that is a woah..knock me on my ass. YOU just get accustom to certain things right?
I was never good with long distant relations.
I havent eaten since wednesday after noon. I mean well I had half a yogurt parfait...yesterday morning, and one this morning. I tried to eat last night...but threw it up. My stomach is upset. I am upset. I cant eat when I am upset. The hunger pains are ignored by the pain that I feel inside.
Maybe we were doomed. We rushed. wasnt right. didnt fit. but god how I fell in love with him. He is my everything..as sad and pathetic as that is he was. He was my best friend. He was my boyfriend. My roommate. My rock. My everything. I cant put it any other way. And the amount of money that I spent on him...means shit to me...I know people think this and that. but whatever right? I dont know.
I know I have said that I wanted him to leave. but the past few months have been bliss! Everything was going well. We got past the initial getting to know how the other worked...and we created a balance. We got along fine. Didnt fight. We had a system a schedule. And now well that is gone. I have no system. I dont know what to do anymore. I have been living dependantly upon him to assist me and for me to assist him ...I would have to revamp my life again..to accomodate his absence. Will we have to find the pleasent niche that we had when he returns? Or will things just fall into thier natural order of things?
I mean but what if he doesnt come back? Or what if he comes back and says hey I met this girl...and well I am here to get the rest of my stuff. See you some time.
Ugh. that would kill me. like beyond belief. Whether or not I moved on. Because no matter how far I travel on my own to get away from him...there will always be that little light of hope that he would come home you know? like Hoping and waiting for him to come back so I can run up to him hug him..throw him in the shower cause I am sure he would be stinky pete..and then kiss him all over and show him how much I miss him.
A month isnt that long right? not that long to wait? A month flies by so fast. But then again a month is a long time to wait for the person that you love.
ugh I dont know what to do. I guess I wish he hadnt left.
but what if it is a benefit. What if he comes back and on his trip realizes how great I am and how much he loves me and wants to be with me...and then we stay together forever.
Ugh..hopeless romantic bullshit.
Well I guess I am done ranting now. I wish I could predict the future.