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i empathized with his despair, but despite my compassion, i remained dettachted, fearing that when people claim to know me, i can no longer act freely... you are only as good as your last blog
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matthew
Last Updated:
May 23, 2005
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Gender: Male
Sign: Aries
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Monday, May 23, 2005
you make me sick
i know too many fake people. and i know too many fake people who pretend they are not fake. i know too many people who think they are deep. i know too many people who try. i know too many people who lie. i know too many people who use myspace as a way to justify being a whore, a drug user, gay, bitter, oh it goes on and on.
everyone on here want's to be praised. everyone is trying to out due the other one. everyone want's to see how far the next person is willing to take it. everyone is trying to shock everyone. everyone is trying to prove something. everyone want's to be something they are not.
everyone is so fucking afraid to say what they really think. people are ashamed of what they believe. people on myspace praise asshole's and people who do fucked up thing's to other people. what the fuck is wrong with everyone? if myspace was an island, this would be the lord of the flies. everyone latche's on to someone else, anyone who seem's to have answer's.
im tired of talking to people who pretend to understand. you can't get through to anybody because they all believe they know more in there head. nobody know's how to be there self anymore.
i am hanging on the people worth knowing and dumping everyone else one by one. i am not going to be influenced by anymore fucking idiot's.
2:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, May 20, 2005
zombie.
he was alway's one book away from understanding this world.
he alway's defined his raw emotion into a category of sense.
his obtained intelect more than often blind's his eye's.
his mind alway's a stranger to his heart.
alway's sleeping silently in his waking hour's.
the clock was alway's his enemy.
he share's himself empty for you.
you leave him numbed dry.
faith was his greatest illusion.
the confusion involved nearly destroyed him.
it is the puzzle he carries so carefully in his eye.
every new corner in his life potentially hold's the missing piece.
truth. freedom. clarity. peace. purpose. power. nirvana.
isolated in the present.
time refuses to stand still.
he isnt angry anymore. his search has drained the purpose.
the search.. everywhere. alway's. aimlessly.
his secret, his motivation, his drive: he has found hope in a speck of light. a reflection of truth. an entire embrace. the destroyer of apathy. the cure to the curse.
and in the midst of uncertainity, he has raised an eye lid.
8:29 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, May 15, 2005
this weekend
was calm. it rained often.
this weekend i stayed in a lot and mostly just had people over. never too many at a time.
this weekend i watched lot's of old early 80's horror film's.
this weekend i did not get drunk.
this weekend i went to a park with a bosnian.
this weekend i burned a dvd.
this weekend i found peace in a old relationship.
this weekend i slept a lot.
this weekend i cut my own hair.
this weekend i made sure to spend a good amount of time alone.
this weekend i saw my old best friend from los angeles.
this weekend i had crazy dream's.
this weekend i broke in to my parents house, macgyver style.
this weekend is almost over.
this weekend was a peaceful weekend. i liked it.
4:16 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, May 12, 2005
i am making some change's
starting today.
2:49 PM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
walking question mark
sometime's i wonder if i am doing it all wrong.
i know that i am not doing alot of it right.
i question everything, i know this. i have been told this by good friend's and it is something i have come to accept about myself.
i have been called a "walking question mark".
everytime i let go a chain of event's unravle's and somehow i indirectly hurt someone.
sometime's i just want to freeze time and explain myself. i want to explain myself. i am often misunderstood.
explaining myself would not do any good.
some people will find reason's to dislike you, find reason's to attack you. i have learned this and i accept this. this is life and no one said life was easy.
maybe it is something i say. something small that meant nothing to me, just a thought that i decided to share out loud. something that crossed my mind.
it come's out wrong. my word's are twisted. i shouldnt have said it.
i do thing's that are meaningless. i have for a while.
i would like something real. i would like to be a good person. these are all thing's that i want. i would like one day, to be accepted, understood, but it is not important.
a friend of mine and i talked about it recently. all of these meaningless act's over and over and he said "i dont get why i do it.. well i get why i do it, but im not learning anything from it."
im not learning anything from it.
4:19 PM - 8 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
slow down
today i was driving home from work. fast, as usual. always in such a fucking hurry.
in my mind i really believe that i need to be somewhere quick. driving is a trap for me, i drift away into car world.
my insurance has finally gone down and yet i still drive like a maniac.
i was getting so pissed off at how slow the car's were driving around me and in front of me. they were driving side to side in front of me so i couldn't pass them.
insteaded of cursing the lord's name and getting really pissed off, i tried something new.
i gently tapped the break. i slowed down.
i drove at the same pace as the traffic around me.
ill get where i am going regardless.
i smiled. i watched all the peaceful driver's around me.
i never knew it could feel like that.
it was so fucking beautiful.
4:44 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
home | mail | sign out
matthew
Last Updated:
May 23, 2005
Post New Blog
Customize
Email to a Friend
Gender: Male
Sign: Aries
Blog Archive
[ Older Newer ]
Monday, May 23, 2005
you make me sick
i know too many fake people. and i know too many fake people who pretend they are not fake. i know too many people who think they are deep. i know too many people who try. i know too many people who lie. i know too many people who use myspace as a way to justify being a whore, a drug user, gay, bitter, oh it goes on and on.
everyone on here want's to be praised. everyone is trying to out due the other one. everyone want's to see how far the next person is willing to take it. everyone is trying to shock everyone. everyone is trying to prove something. everyone want's to be something they are not.
everyone is so fucking afraid to say what they really think. people are ashamed of what they believe. people on myspace praise asshole's and people who do fucked up thing's to other people. what the fuck is wrong with everyone? if myspace was an island, this would be the lord of the flies. everyone latche's on to someone else, anyone who seem's to have answer's.
im tired of talking to people who pretend to understand. you can't get through to anybody because they all believe they know more in there head. nobody know's how to be there self anymore.
i am hanging on the people worth knowing and dumping everyone else one by one. i am not going to be influenced by anymore fucking idiot's.
2:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, May 20, 2005
zombie.
he was alway's one book away from understanding this world.
he alway's defined his raw emotion into a category of sense.
his obtained intelect more than often blind's his eye's.
his mind alway's a stranger to his heart.
alway's sleeping silently in his waking hour's.
the clock was alway's his enemy.
he share's himself empty for you.
you leave him numbed dry.
faith was his greatest illusion.
the confusion involved nearly destroyed him.
it is the puzzle he carries so carefully in his eye.
every new corner in his life potentially hold's the missing piece.
truth. freedom. clarity. peace. purpose. power. nirvana.
isolated in the present.
time refuses to stand still.
he isnt angry anymore. his search has drained the purpose.
the search.. everywhere. alway's. aimlessly.
his secret, his motivation, his drive: he has found hope in a speck of light. a reflection of truth. an entire embrace. the destroyer of apathy. the cure to the curse.
and in the midst of uncertainity, he has raised an eye lid.
8:29 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, May 15, 2005
this weekend
was calm. it rained often.
this weekend i stayed in a lot and mostly just had people over. never too many at a time.
this weekend i watched lot's of old early 80's horror film's.
this weekend i did not get drunk.
this weekend i went to a park with a bosnian.
this weekend i burned a dvd.
this weekend i found peace in a old relationship.
this weekend i slept a lot.
this weekend i cut my own hair.
this weekend i made sure to spend a good amount of time alone.
this weekend i saw my old best friend from los angeles.
this weekend i had crazy dream's.
this weekend i broke in to my parents house, macgyver style.
this weekend is almost over.
this weekend was a peaceful weekend. i liked it.
4:16 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, May 12, 2005
i am making some change's
starting today.
2:49 PM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
walking question mark
sometime's i wonder if i am doing it all wrong.
i know that i am not doing alot of it right.
i question everything, i know this. i have been told this by good friend's and it is something i have come to accept about myself.
i have been called a "walking question mark".
everytime i let go a chain of event's unravle's and somehow i indirectly hurt someone.
sometime's i just want to freeze time and explain myself. i want to explain myself. i am often misunderstood.
explaining myself would not do any good.
some people will find reason's to dislike you, find reason's to attack you. i have learned this and i accept this. this is life and no one said life was easy.
maybe it is something i say. something small that meant nothing to me, just a thought that i decided to share out loud. something that crossed my mind.
it come's out wrong. my word's are twisted. i shouldnt have said it.
i do thing's that are meaningless. i have for a while.
i would like something real. i would like to be a good person. these are all thing's that i want. i would like one day, to be accepted, understood, but it is not important.
a friend of mine and i talked about it recently. all of these meaningless act's over and over and he said "i dont get why i do it.. well i get why i do it, but im not learning anything from it."
im not learning anything from it.
4:19 PM - 8 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
slow down
today i was driving home from work. fast, as usual. always in such a fucking hurry.
in my mind i really believe that i need to be somewhere quick. driving is a trap for me, i drift away into car world.
my insurance has finally gone down and yet i still drive like a maniac.
i was getting so pissed off at how slow the car's were driving around me and in front of me. they were driving side to side in front of me so i couldn't pass them.
insteaded of cursing the lord's name and getting really pissed off, i tried something new.
i gently tapped the break. i slowed down.
i drove at the same pace as the traffic around me.
ill get where i am going regardless.
i smiled. i watched all the peaceful driver's around me.
i never knew it could feel like that.
it was so fucking beautiful.
4:44 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove