Chicken Shot Blues
Man, oh man. Well, I got fired yesterday. Said my 'call handle time' was too low. Meaning, I wasnt keeping the customer on the phone long enough. AT&T is so fucking dumb. Last month, the goal was to keep the customer on the line for as LITTLE as possible. Then they switch it up and expect us to waste the customer's time? And for what? Because corporate said so, that's why.
So yes, I am unemployed and today I am 25 years old. Fuck. Where is my youth going? It's dwindling. I'm not naive. I know that 25 is still pretty young, but fact is I'm well on my way to being a middle aged, divorced, weekend dad, fuck up. Goddamn me. Goddamn me.
Our roomate, also got fired the day before I did. They're cleaning fucking house at AT&T apparently. So we have rent coming up, a car payment of $1,200, not too mention basic needs like gas,electricity, and food. Motherfucker. I was freaking out for a bit, but then I remember something Monty said to me a long time ago;
"Danny, when have you ever been really fucked? Like really screwed? You havent man. You always figure it out, one way or another...everything works out in the end for us. It always does."
I know it'll be okay, it's just going to be a stressfull, pain in the asshole, time, until then.
But luckily, I have Rachael. She's so kind and understanding it scares me. I'm having a hard time accepting her. She is the complete opposite of almost anyone I've ever dated. When she found out I got fired, she didnt yell at me or curse my name. She just said, we'd figure it out, together. It's hard to believe when you're used to being scolded like a dog that shit on the rug. I don't know. I've given her my heart, I'm just terrified that this gal is gonna be the one...the one that will break what's left of my heart. But you know me....jump first, ask questions later. Despite everyone's advice we plan on getting married at the end of the summer. I know, the thing I swore I'd never do again. And why? Because it just feels right. I want to build a life with her. But hey, if it doesnt work out I can always make one helluva story out it. ;)
I got my typewriter our of the shop and the writing is coming along nicely. Writing a lot about old lovers. It's strange and slightly uncomfortable, but I feel compelled to write it all down. Before I forget or something. Makes my heart hurt though, the past two relationships before Rachael both ended...oddly. Dont know how I feel about it all.
So now the job search begins and another unemployment claim will be filed.
I can remember being 18 and thinking 25 seemed so far away in the future. Good morning, motherfucker. It's here. 30 is next.
I just want to be able to do what I want and make a living at it. But then again, isnt that what everyone wants?
Here's hoping.
Terrified & Twenty-Five,
Danny Valdez Jr.
