Who needs sleep?
It's been one of those years. You know... the years where you just sort of fall out of journaling. Yeah.
I can't say how many times I wanted to sit down and write about what's been happening in my life. But I've held back. I've changed a lot in the past year. Physically, mentally... even a little spiritually. a lot of good had come from bad events this year. But every day has been a struggle on some level. Last year I needed the journal. It was my pacifier. A place I could go and vent and whine then come back to comments... people saying everything I wanted to hear. It was what I needed then, but like a baby who eventually outgrows that need I've somewhat outgrown that need too. I think that's been a big part of why I haven't been posting.
Tonight... well... I can't sleep. I used to come here when I couldn't sleep. Tonight it's a big mix of things making it impossible. Mostly I just can't get comfortable and I had a migraine all day that only NOW in the last hour has gone away. I feel better than I've felt all day so now part of me wants to get the things done I wasn't up for all day.
I figure since I'm sitting here I'll pop in a few tidbits for those who have been wondering where I've been. As posted my mom's divorce from my step-father was completed last month. She changed her name though... completely. First, middle and last name. It's weird. She's been involved with a guy who is only 3ish years older than I am for about a year now. They're living together and I don't like him for various reasons even though I haven't met him. One of those trust things... I don't know him, I've never met him. But really no one is gonna be good enough for my mother. Of course she is still a big ball of drama 24/7 with her job/health/money/everything and dealing with her had gotten no easier. She still drives me insane with her omgwhyaren'tyouansweringyourphone messages and crap.
I haven't talked to my dad in months. I've called several times. He never calls me back and I can't reach him. I love him and I hate him. We need to live closer I think... maybe that would fix our relationship. I try and keep in touch with my grandma but I've been bad about it mostly because I didn't want her to know we were going to be in WA this summer. I felt so guilty visiting Jaundice's family in northern WA and not going home. But what was I supposed to go? We had only one week for the trip and a very limited budget since we had to rent a car. It was a pretty good trip though.
For the trip we went out and stayed with Gozz and as always he was very welcoming even with our damn kids. lol He and Jaun have been spending most of this year working on fish projects from planted tanks to salt water. It's been expensive and annoying. I am soooo sick of fishtanks. Ugh! But Gozz came out the week of Halloween and spent a week with us. Of course Halloween itself was insane. I had to sew Monkey a Link costume and a straight jacket for Jaundice. Monk's costume came out great and I thought Jaundice's was cool but he didn't win a prize this year, he was pissed. It was GORGEOUS on Halloween but the wind kicked up after dark and made it freeeeezing.
We were in the process of bidding on a house that week too. Sadly the deal didn't work out (looooong story) and we're still stuck looking. I'm so sick of looking at houses though. We'd actually have been closing on that one today if the deal hadn't broken. I took it as a sign it wasn't the right house. So here we are stuck in this fucking apartment for at least another winter. Yuck.
Did I mention we got another cat this summer? Right before school started we got a free kitten. They said it was a girl. Well that girl had an obvious bulge... but I took him anyway. He's Monkey's kitten and he rocks. He's black with white feet and patches on his belly... then a zigzag from his belly up his neck and over one lip. I chose the name Cloud and Monk liked it (two reasons for the name... he has "clouds" on his belly and for Cloud from the FF7 game/movie... he was in Kingdom hearts too I think). He is an awesome kid cat though. He does bite a bit and scratch but at night he curls right up on Monk's pillow with him and purrs. He also loves sitting on my shoulder when I am at my desk like a freakin' parrot on a pirate. Course he's 4 months old now and getting way too big for that.
Uhmmm... I had my birthday a couple weeks ago. I'm 28 now. But at my step-dad's neice's baby shower I went to last weekend someone thought I was 19. woot! My hair is totally silver streaked right now and I recently donated it again so it's just above my shoulders. I fucking hate it so short but Jaun likes it. The only thing I like about it is that it doesn't weigh as much.... my main reason for donating as early as I did.
My health has been pretty good. Seizure free for 15 months now and counting!!! I've learned not to let shit stress me as much as it used to. It hasn't been easy. Most people who are used to me caring about things more and caring what they think have had a rude awakening. I'm not a push over anymore and if I don't get something done I said I would... if it wasn't life or death they get over it. My middle finger has had a lot more action this year. LMAO I've got a new neurologist too. My old one moved out of state and though he was nice he wasn't making me happy. The new one is younger and seems more receptive to my opinion and my questions... helps that it's a woman I think.
Jaundice quit WoW and started back on FFXI. I was in a slump and not feeling up to playing and he was pissed he was paying for it and I wasn't playing so my account is currently closed for now. I plan on going back in the spring. Right now I'm busy with the one RPG I am running, though I would rather be writing another genre this site just sort of fell in my lap (VERY long story) and I stepped up to the plate. It's not quite as active as I want it to be but it is that slow time of year before the busy one around christmas break. And I'm having fun. Imagine that!?!! Me having fun at a RPG I own. Weird. I miss Ever Green though. Desperately. I need something in that vein someday again. I know I should be writing my novels but as I finally put it to one of my site's members the other night- I like RP writing because it is collaborative. The idea of writing all alone seems... well... lonely. LMAO
Speaking of people from RPs. Ugh. I have slowly lost touch with pretty much everyone. I think of everyone daily- Heather, K, Em, Ke, Dee, and a zillion others. Pretty much the only ones I am in touch with right now are Dawn and Whit. I wrote an email to Rach the other night because I've been missing her tons. I want to get in touch with Lori too but I'm not sure where or how these days. Then there's just everyone from the ezboard days and yuku. I think my new years resolution needs to involve gathering all my friend's info into a database including profiles on everything from livejournal and myspace to yuku, email addys and phone #s and everything. I WANT to be in touch with everyone. I just get lost in Rhianna World. Sometimes Rhianna World is hard to break out of.
It's funny... people meet me IRL and I am so not like I am online. IRL I am very shy, very quiet. When people do talk to me I get nervous and I talk waaaay too much to the point of embarrassing rambling.
So what am I doing besides my one little RP if I'm not gaming? Not a lot online or at the computer actually. A little bit of The Sims 2. A little bit of posting on amazon.com's romance forums. LOTS of reading. Yeah other people finish more books than I do but I've been counting and I'm almost to my goal of 50 books by the end of the year. I think next year I will go for a higher number. It's very motivating. :) I've written a several reviews too, on amazon anyway. Been reading comics. Not photoshopping at all really and it shows when I do. I need to break down and get a copy of CS. I need to learn the new stuff. I spend a lot of time with my one RL friend here B... we are both thrift shop nerds so we make a day of it now and again while our kids are at school. I've been sleeping a lot more than usual too. I used to sleep so little because of the insomnia but I've been working on a better sleep schedule. Of course right now it is screwed up because I was sick with a virus, then there's been the holiday and well I had that migraine. Bleh.
Well anywho... I wanted to use my time wisely. I think I'm gonna go try and get comfy on the couch again. There's nothing on the tv this late that isn't something one needs psychedelics to enjoy (Adult Swim lol) so I'm gonna just lay there and toss and turn. I couldn't sleep in my bed for some reason and the couch is more comfy but not enough obviously. :P Hope everyone out there on my flist is doing well, I miss you guys!!! XOXOXOXO
I can't say how many times I wanted to sit down and write about what's been happening in my life. But I've held back. I've changed a lot in the past year. Physically, mentally... even a little spiritually. a lot of good had come from bad events this year. But every day has been a struggle on some level. Last year I needed the journal. It was my pacifier. A place I could go and vent and whine then come back to comments... people saying everything I wanted to hear. It was what I needed then, but like a baby who eventually outgrows that need I've somewhat outgrown that need too. I think that's been a big part of why I haven't been posting.
Tonight... well... I can't sleep. I used to come here when I couldn't sleep. Tonight it's a big mix of things making it impossible. Mostly I just can't get comfortable and I had a migraine all day that only NOW in the last hour has gone away. I feel better than I've felt all day so now part of me wants to get the things done I wasn't up for all day.
I figure since I'm sitting here I'll pop in a few tidbits for those who have been wondering where I've been. As posted my mom's divorce from my step-father was completed last month. She changed her name though... completely. First, middle and last name. It's weird. She's been involved with a guy who is only 3ish years older than I am for about a year now. They're living together and I don't like him for various reasons even though I haven't met him. One of those trust things... I don't know him, I've never met him. But really no one is gonna be good enough for my mother. Of course she is still a big ball of drama 24/7 with her job/health/money/everything and dealing with her had gotten no easier. She still drives me insane with her omgwhyaren'tyouansweringyourphone messages and crap.
I haven't talked to my dad in months. I've called several times. He never calls me back and I can't reach him. I love him and I hate him. We need to live closer I think... maybe that would fix our relationship. I try and keep in touch with my grandma but I've been bad about it mostly because I didn't want her to know we were going to be in WA this summer. I felt so guilty visiting Jaundice's family in northern WA and not going home. But what was I supposed to go? We had only one week for the trip and a very limited budget since we had to rent a car. It was a pretty good trip though.
For the trip we went out and stayed with Gozz and as always he was very welcoming even with our damn kids. lol He and Jaun have been spending most of this year working on fish projects from planted tanks to salt water. It's been expensive and annoying. I am soooo sick of fishtanks. Ugh! But Gozz came out the week of Halloween and spent a week with us. Of course Halloween itself was insane. I had to sew Monkey a Link costume and a straight jacket for Jaundice. Monk's costume came out great and I thought Jaundice's was cool but he didn't win a prize this year, he was pissed. It was GORGEOUS on Halloween but the wind kicked up after dark and made it freeeeezing.
We were in the process of bidding on a house that week too. Sadly the deal didn't work out (looooong story) and we're still stuck looking. I'm so sick of looking at houses though. We'd actually have been closing on that one today if the deal hadn't broken. I took it as a sign it wasn't the right house. So here we are stuck in this fucking apartment for at least another winter. Yuck.
Did I mention we got another cat this summer? Right before school started we got a free kitten. They said it was a girl. Well that girl had an obvious bulge... but I took him anyway. He's Monkey's kitten and he rocks. He's black with white feet and patches on his belly... then a zigzag from his belly up his neck and over one lip. I chose the name Cloud and Monk liked it (two reasons for the name... he has "clouds" on his belly and for Cloud from the FF7 game/movie... he was in Kingdom hearts too I think). He is an awesome kid cat though. He does bite a bit and scratch but at night he curls right up on Monk's pillow with him and purrs. He also loves sitting on my shoulder when I am at my desk like a freakin' parrot on a pirate. Course he's 4 months old now and getting way too big for that.
Uhmmm... I had my birthday a couple weeks ago. I'm 28 now. But at my step-dad's neice's baby shower I went to last weekend someone thought I was 19. woot! My hair is totally silver streaked right now and I recently donated it again so it's just above my shoulders. I fucking hate it so short but Jaun likes it. The only thing I like about it is that it doesn't weigh as much.... my main reason for donating as early as I did.
My health has been pretty good. Seizure free for 15 months now and counting!!! I've learned not to let shit stress me as much as it used to. It hasn't been easy. Most people who are used to me caring about things more and caring what they think have had a rude awakening. I'm not a push over anymore and if I don't get something done I said I would... if it wasn't life or death they get over it. My middle finger has had a lot more action this year. LMAO I've got a new neurologist too. My old one moved out of state and though he was nice he wasn't making me happy. The new one is younger and seems more receptive to my opinion and my questions... helps that it's a woman I think.
Jaundice quit WoW and started back on FFXI. I was in a slump and not feeling up to playing and he was pissed he was paying for it and I wasn't playing so my account is currently closed for now. I plan on going back in the spring. Right now I'm busy with the one RPG I am running, though I would rather be writing another genre this site just sort of fell in my lap (VERY long story) and I stepped up to the plate. It's not quite as active as I want it to be but it is that slow time of year before the busy one around christmas break. And I'm having fun. Imagine that!?!! Me having fun at a RPG I own. Weird. I miss Ever Green though. Desperately. I need something in that vein someday again. I know I should be writing my novels but as I finally put it to one of my site's members the other night- I like RP writing because it is collaborative. The idea of writing all alone seems... well... lonely. LMAO
Speaking of people from RPs. Ugh. I have slowly lost touch with pretty much everyone. I think of everyone daily- Heather, K, Em, Ke, Dee, and a zillion others. Pretty much the only ones I am in touch with right now are Dawn and Whit. I wrote an email to Rach the other night because I've been missing her tons. I want to get in touch with Lori too but I'm not sure where or how these days. Then there's just everyone from the ezboard days and yuku. I think my new years resolution needs to involve gathering all my friend's info into a database including profiles on everything from livejournal and myspace to yuku, email addys and phone #s and everything. I WANT to be in touch with everyone. I just get lost in Rhianna World. Sometimes Rhianna World is hard to break out of.
It's funny... people meet me IRL and I am so not like I am online. IRL I am very shy, very quiet. When people do talk to me I get nervous and I talk waaaay too much to the point of embarrassing rambling.
So what am I doing besides my one little RP if I'm not gaming? Not a lot online or at the computer actually. A little bit of The Sims 2. A little bit of posting on amazon.com's romance forums. LOTS of reading. Yeah other people finish more books than I do but I've been counting and I'm almost to my goal of 50 books by the end of the year. I think next year I will go for a higher number. It's very motivating. :) I've written a several reviews too, on amazon anyway. Been reading comics. Not photoshopping at all really and it shows when I do. I need to break down and get a copy of CS. I need to learn the new stuff. I spend a lot of time with my one RL friend here B... we are both thrift shop nerds so we make a day of it now and again while our kids are at school. I've been sleeping a lot more than usual too. I used to sleep so little because of the insomnia but I've been working on a better sleep schedule. Of course right now it is screwed up because I was sick with a virus, then there's been the holiday and well I had that migraine. Bleh.
Well anywho... I wanted to use my time wisely. I think I'm gonna go try and get comfy on the couch again. There's nothing on the tv this late that isn't something one needs psychedelics to enjoy (Adult Swim lol) so I'm gonna just lay there and toss and turn. I couldn't sleep in my bed for some reason and the couch is more comfy but not enough obviously. :P Hope everyone out there on my flist is doing well, I miss you guys!!! XOXOXOXO