I've had a breakthrough!
Something happened and I don't want to say what it is...lol...
i know You think I'm antagonizing you but thats not it I swear...ya this thing was big and I had always thought that it was something that I wanted. I thought about it and when I did its like this thing that I had always wanted b/c I thought that I needed it...I don't think that I need it anymore...and its really strange to have wanted something for your whole life and then realize that you can still be whole and enormously happy without it...Theres still a little bit of me that wants it and I know why and so I'm not going to go get it because well I don't need it and even though a little part of me wants it I'm not going to take it...
I know I have confused u enourmously but I made myself feel better...