Another Revelation....Epiphony....Whatever
It's strange how something will just randomly come to you, isn't it? I was just finishing up cleaning at work and this just hit me.
Everyone asks themselves "What am I looking for?" and I could not count the amount of times I've asked myself in this past little while, and I think I've found the answer, or at least part of it, for me.
I'm looking for someone to completely and utterly trust.
Now, it's not like I haven't thought of this before, so I guess it's not really a "revelation", and it's definitely not anything life changing, but I've just never realized what it's impact really is. That's what I want to find. I want to find someone to trust. Now, please, no one out there feel hurt or anything, there are people I trust. And I hold you people oh-so dear to me, but what I'm looking for is someone to trust completely.
Someone to tell every little facet of myself to, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my theories, everything. Someone who I can break down in front of, into tears, into screams, whatever. Someone I can express myself to, who I really am, the result of all these little shards of this mirror that is my mind, that is me. Someone who will accept my rantings and long-windedness and understand, not be offended by some of my choice of words, not think any less of me for my shortcomings, and who won't get tired of this. Someone who will listen, and will love me all the more for it. And, hopefully, I can return all that is given to me.
And I'm sorry to all, but no matter what I want to say, I have my secrets, these things I hide from everyone but me. There are things I simply can't tell people. I don't know why, but I just can't. If I ever tried to, I would simply hesitate and let the moment pass. There are things I'd like to break down and tell people around me, but I won't. I just don't have that much trust. I'm sorry.
Now that I look at my life, it was kind of a search for this person. And I will continue on this search for this person. This person who will make me feel complete. And one day, I will realize, find, meet, this person. I hope. I have a feeling this will make me so happy. And I'd love to be happy. This small smile I have right now is there while I think of being happy. For me, complete trust will hopefully equal complete happiness.
This was just an entry my mysterious driving force urged me to write. This was the right thing to do for me. And just one more step down the road to understanding me, and my life. Once I finally understand me, I can begin to understand everyone, and everything, around me.
And of course, I'd love to love, and be happy.