a new beginning............
brrr...it's cold in here....but it's always cold in this fucking room. ALWAYS.
i woke up this morning with this EVIL heartburn...and i also have the shits....from the alcohol, yo. that's why i'm not going to miss drinking. yep...so that was it last night.
the events....
iwillmakeucry took me to the emerson so i could pay my admission..then i was gonna leave and go get some tequila and come back because i didn't want to watch the shitty opening bands...but wouldn't you know that the show had no passouts. god damn. i shoulda known since there were bunches of underage kids there. oh well. so we left to go see pikkon at work. then i got my tequila and started drinking. i was gonna go back to the show at like 10:30 but i changed my mind. i've spent every new years seeing sloppy ('cept last year when me and spookykidd02 went to that other show and then the after party). but yeah..so i ended up just stayin in over here and i had a good time. i thought that i was gonna drink WAY more than i actually did....but i was pretty drunk and then i started getting tired at like 3:30 (i know...an early hour for me) so i just went to bed. yup. i had a good time with my friends tho. all in all it was a pretty decent night.
now the transformation begins. it's time to straighten my life up and make it good for me now. *no more drinking. that's it. i even gave the rest of my untouched tequila to iwillmakeucry's mom. so she can have fun with that.
there are so many things that i want to change for this year. i need to get into college for one. it's time to get my ass in gear and fill out the financial aid bullshit. i've been out of school for a year now and it's time to go back. yes, definitely time.
i also really need to get a job. at this point i don't really care where now....but i just need some kind of income (other than what i'm getting now). yes...jobby job time.
no more drama for me this year. i've never really had much drama in my life ever because i really try to distance myself from it..but during my recent self examination i have realized a few things that i can do (or stop doing) to keep my life drama-free. good for me!
also, i've decided that i'm not going to concern myself with the trivial as much. i have always over analyzed shit too much and i am really going to try to start taking things for their face value only. that seems to be the only way for me to survive without getting my emotions all screwed up.
also this year i'm not dating any stupid boys like jeremy. he really sucked...and he still sucks..and anyone who even remotely reminds me of him sucks. so NO MORE JEREMY (or people who act like him)!
i'm also going to try to not be everyone's calm little center anymore. i mean, i'm still going to care for them and lend an ear for support, but i am no longer going to help them work out every aspect of all their shitty problems. i have my own and that's enough to bring me down...let alone adding more stress from the weight of others problems. right.....
i'm going to stop trying to get so defensive when shit is talked about punk rock. just gonna laugh and let it roll off my shoulders. haha. ice queen....
along with the punk rock thing..i'm going to start listening *or at least trying to) listen to a lot of shit that i never gave a chance. if i want people to start sharing my interest in punk then i have to share their interest in music as well. plus, i like to STEP OUTSIDE OF THE COMFORT ZONE. i have never had a comfort zone and i slowly feel like my life is slipping into one. like my dad has been saying (and i never really understood it until now) "sometimes you just gotta break the cycle." wow, my dad is a wise man. but anyway...if i try to understand the things that other people are into then they can understand what i'm into as well. whew, another thing. okay...make sure you're sitting down for this one iwillmakeucry, pikkon, and jherman....I'm going to start watching dragonball z. yes...i actually said that. did your jaws drop and your eyes get wide???? i can't guarantee that i'm going to like it. but i figure that i at least owe it to you guys to TRY. you guys hafta watch it with me tho and help me understand it and answer all my questions. i also think you guys should pick out the episodes that i should watch. you all know which ones are better. i don't want to see any stupid booty episodes of DBz. :)
those are all of the things that i can think of off the top of my head. of course there are those things that i'm going to do to try to better myself that i've already been doing...but i have already mentioned all those throughout this year.
now for the memories....
these are a few of the events that happened over 2002(in my life) and my thoughts on them.
-graduating high school- that was the first big event that happened to me in 2002. i graduated in january and i wasn't sad in the least. i didn't regret not waiting and graduating with the rest of my class..i didn't miss the people, or the teachers, or the classes, or the stares, or the bullshit, or the GOD DAMN DRAMA..and i still don't miss any of that shit. i'm glad high school is over and i STILL shiver at the thought of even walking down those fucking halls again.
-the dating of the pig....er jeremy- yeah..well, i met jeremy only days after graduating. at first he was just the shit. i really genuinely cared for him in the beginning. then, after our messy split up this summer i just lost a lot of respect for him then. at that point, even tho i loved him, the things he said to me and his actions toward me could not be overlooked. i'm not really sure why i went back to him 3 months after that. i knew that i didn't feel the same way toward him any longer. i just wanted the attention that he gave me pretty much. he loved me and thought i was perfect...and at that time there wasn't too much love being given to me. anyway, i finally saw how jeremy's true colors are, and he finally learned the same about me. and i just really don't want to see him or talk to him ever again. i'd prolly puke all over his shoes if i did. even tho jeremy turned out to suck, and the bad memories definitely overtake the good ones, i learned a lot about myself from jeremy and i guess i am thankful for that. he changed me in a way that no one else ever has. too bad he is a big fucking immature jerk and it couldn't have worked out better.
-turning 18- yeah, that happened like mid year....and it was exciting. i can buy cigarettes and porn now. \m/ haha. neh, it really wasn't that much of a change for me except for a better relationship with my dad...which is my next topic....
-the dad situation- right, well my dad and i got close....i'm sure it had more to do with me moving back in with my dad then me turning 18..but whatever it was, we got a lot closer. he has started talking to me about his problems and his feelings and all that. he was never really like that when i was growing up. he was, but only to a certain extent. it's a little overwhelming and hard to deal with because it's a change...an emotional shock really because it made me realize how much i really do love my dad. and he is very much appreciated. i know that you're not going to read this but i love you dad
-the filtering of all the people- it took a long time, but i finally succeeded! i got rid of them all! woot woot! finally! no more drama causers and mean people and people who talk shit about me and people who bring me down and people who lie to me and people who steal from me and people who have a negative effect on me. go me. that really rocks that i don't have to worry about any person in my life doing that shit. at least for now. i know that probably a few friends that i have now are probably going to do some of those things eventually, but right now, all my associations are good! :)
-meeting all my new super rad friends- this is the one that i'm really excited about. all of my friends that i have met this year are fucking wonderful. just gonna mention a few of the ones i've been getting pretty close to. if i fail to add your name then i am really sorry and don't think that you're not important to me! *muah*
*raven (iwillmakeucry)* wow, am i lucky to have met you. you are a wonderful person as well as friend. i love sharing all of the things that we do. i can talk to you about SO MANY things and i love it. thank you for being there for me when i need you. i love you very much and i hope that we stay this close for many years to come!
*danielle (holdingdaisies)* wow, i just freakin love you so much! hehehehe. i love the times that we have shared so far. i have SO MUCH fun with you! i love those long ass talks that we have too! man, i can just tell you freakin anything and you don't judge me. i love you for that sista! you like so much cool ass music and i love talking about it with you! ack! i just love you! :)
*dustin (mypuppy666) you're so rad....i love you (and your dvd collection ;) thanks for bein my friend and lookin after me. *kiss on cheek*
*plum (maynard)* plummy plum you rock! i have lots of fun with you and i love your goofy ass. you just need to cut your fingernails. just kidding haha :)
*mandy (strangeling)* i know i didn't just meet you this year but we did start hanging out this year. and you're the shit and i like spending time with you and having fun! love ya girlie.
*john (jherman)* you're super rad as well john. we just started hanging out like a month ago, but it's been an Über fun month! i'm glad that i met you and we're friends. i like the talks we have and the time we share. you rock my socks. hopefully we continue being friends :)
*jessica (kupcake55)* you're so rad and i love you homie! I like being able to talk to you about shit and i LOVE listening to punk rock and the misfits with you! *muah*
*zach (freezingpoint)* i'm so glad we met...you're the shit and i love the funny conversations we have. you can usually make me laugh even when i'm havin a shitty day. *big fat hug halfway across the country!* ;)
*darrell (pikkon)* I'm glad that we're friends and you rock! \m/ i like hangin out with you and shit. it's always a good time. *hug*
*scott (maliciousdezire) we just started talking and have only hung out one or two times...but you're fuckin cool and i like talkin to you. you seem to understand me a lot and i'm thankful for that. plus, you like salt and vinegar chips and that just rocks! \m/ hehe....
man, for real that is all that i can think of off the top of my head. this was the longest entry EVER and i don't blame you if you only skimmed through it.
now....on to bigger and better things.
"please flush it all away..i wanna see it go runnin down." -tool
i woke up this morning with this EVIL heartburn...and i also have the shits....from the alcohol, yo. that's why i'm not going to miss drinking. yep...so that was it last night.
the events....
iwillmakeucry took me to the emerson so i could pay my admission..then i was gonna leave and go get some tequila and come back because i didn't want to watch the shitty opening bands...but wouldn't you know that the show had no passouts. god damn. i shoulda known since there were bunches of underage kids there. oh well. so we left to go see pikkon at work. then i got my tequila and started drinking. i was gonna go back to the show at like 10:30 but i changed my mind. i've spent every new years seeing sloppy ('cept last year when me and spookykidd02 went to that other show and then the after party). but yeah..so i ended up just stayin in over here and i had a good time. i thought that i was gonna drink WAY more than i actually did....but i was pretty drunk and then i started getting tired at like 3:30 (i know...an early hour for me) so i just went to bed. yup. i had a good time with my friends tho. all in all it was a pretty decent night.
now the transformation begins. it's time to straighten my life up and make it good for me now. *no more drinking. that's it. i even gave the rest of my untouched tequila to iwillmakeucry's mom. so she can have fun with that.
there are so many things that i want to change for this year. i need to get into college for one. it's time to get my ass in gear and fill out the financial aid bullshit. i've been out of school for a year now and it's time to go back. yes, definitely time.
i also really need to get a job. at this point i don't really care where now....but i just need some kind of income (other than what i'm getting now). yes...jobby job time.
no more drama for me this year. i've never really had much drama in my life ever because i really try to distance myself from it..but during my recent self examination i have realized a few things that i can do (or stop doing) to keep my life drama-free. good for me!
also, i've decided that i'm not going to concern myself with the trivial as much. i have always over analyzed shit too much and i am really going to try to start taking things for their face value only. that seems to be the only way for me to survive without getting my emotions all screwed up.
also this year i'm not dating any stupid boys like jeremy. he really sucked...and he still sucks..and anyone who even remotely reminds me of him sucks. so NO MORE JEREMY (or people who act like him)!
i'm also going to try to not be everyone's calm little center anymore. i mean, i'm still going to care for them and lend an ear for support, but i am no longer going to help them work out every aspect of all their shitty problems. i have my own and that's enough to bring me down...let alone adding more stress from the weight of others problems. right.....
i'm going to stop trying to get so defensive when shit is talked about punk rock. just gonna laugh and let it roll off my shoulders. haha. ice queen....
along with the punk rock thing..i'm going to start listening *or at least trying to) listen to a lot of shit that i never gave a chance. if i want people to start sharing my interest in punk then i have to share their interest in music as well. plus, i like to STEP OUTSIDE OF THE COMFORT ZONE. i have never had a comfort zone and i slowly feel like my life is slipping into one. like my dad has been saying (and i never really understood it until now) "sometimes you just gotta break the cycle." wow, my dad is a wise man. but anyway...if i try to understand the things that other people are into then they can understand what i'm into as well. whew, another thing. okay...make sure you're sitting down for this one iwillmakeucry, pikkon, and jherman....I'm going to start watching dragonball z. yes...i actually said that. did your jaws drop and your eyes get wide???? i can't guarantee that i'm going to like it. but i figure that i at least owe it to you guys to TRY. you guys hafta watch it with me tho and help me understand it and answer all my questions. i also think you guys should pick out the episodes that i should watch. you all know which ones are better. i don't want to see any stupid booty episodes of DBz. :)
those are all of the things that i can think of off the top of my head. of course there are those things that i'm going to do to try to better myself that i've already been doing...but i have already mentioned all those throughout this year.
now for the memories....
these are a few of the events that happened over 2002(in my life) and my thoughts on them.
-graduating high school- that was the first big event that happened to me in 2002. i graduated in january and i wasn't sad in the least. i didn't regret not waiting and graduating with the rest of my class..i didn't miss the people, or the teachers, or the classes, or the stares, or the bullshit, or the GOD DAMN DRAMA..and i still don't miss any of that shit. i'm glad high school is over and i STILL shiver at the thought of even walking down those fucking halls again.
-the dating of the pig....er jeremy- yeah..well, i met jeremy only days after graduating. at first he was just the shit. i really genuinely cared for him in the beginning. then, after our messy split up this summer i just lost a lot of respect for him then. at that point, even tho i loved him, the things he said to me and his actions toward me could not be overlooked. i'm not really sure why i went back to him 3 months after that. i knew that i didn't feel the same way toward him any longer. i just wanted the attention that he gave me pretty much. he loved me and thought i was perfect...and at that time there wasn't too much love being given to me. anyway, i finally saw how jeremy's true colors are, and he finally learned the same about me. and i just really don't want to see him or talk to him ever again. i'd prolly puke all over his shoes if i did. even tho jeremy turned out to suck, and the bad memories definitely overtake the good ones, i learned a lot about myself from jeremy and i guess i am thankful for that. he changed me in a way that no one else ever has. too bad he is a big fucking immature jerk and it couldn't have worked out better.
-turning 18- yeah, that happened like mid year....and it was exciting. i can buy cigarettes and porn now. \m/ haha. neh, it really wasn't that much of a change for me except for a better relationship with my dad...which is my next topic....
-the dad situation- right, well my dad and i got close....i'm sure it had more to do with me moving back in with my dad then me turning 18..but whatever it was, we got a lot closer. he has started talking to me about his problems and his feelings and all that. he was never really like that when i was growing up. he was, but only to a certain extent. it's a little overwhelming and hard to deal with because it's a change...an emotional shock really because it made me realize how much i really do love my dad. and he is very much appreciated. i know that you're not going to read this but i love you dad
-the filtering of all the people- it took a long time, but i finally succeeded! i got rid of them all! woot woot! finally! no more drama causers and mean people and people who talk shit about me and people who bring me down and people who lie to me and people who steal from me and people who have a negative effect on me. go me. that really rocks that i don't have to worry about any person in my life doing that shit. at least for now. i know that probably a few friends that i have now are probably going to do some of those things eventually, but right now, all my associations are good! :)
-meeting all my new super rad friends- this is the one that i'm really excited about. all of my friends that i have met this year are fucking wonderful. just gonna mention a few of the ones i've been getting pretty close to. if i fail to add your name then i am really sorry and don't think that you're not important to me! *muah*
*raven (iwillmakeucry)* wow, am i lucky to have met you. you are a wonderful person as well as friend. i love sharing all of the things that we do. i can talk to you about SO MANY things and i love it. thank you for being there for me when i need you. i love you very much and i hope that we stay this close for many years to come!
*danielle (holdingdaisies)* wow, i just freakin love you so much! hehehehe. i love the times that we have shared so far. i have SO MUCH fun with you! i love those long ass talks that we have too! man, i can just tell you freakin anything and you don't judge me. i love you for that sista! you like so much cool ass music and i love talking about it with you! ack! i just love you! :)
*dustin (mypuppy666) you're so rad....i love you (and your dvd collection ;) thanks for bein my friend and lookin after me. *kiss on cheek*
*plum (maynard)* plummy plum you rock! i have lots of fun with you and i love your goofy ass. you just need to cut your fingernails. just kidding haha :)
*mandy (strangeling)* i know i didn't just meet you this year but we did start hanging out this year. and you're the shit and i like spending time with you and having fun! love ya girlie.
*john (jherman)* you're super rad as well john. we just started hanging out like a month ago, but it's been an Über fun month! i'm glad that i met you and we're friends. i like the talks we have and the time we share. you rock my socks. hopefully we continue being friends :)
*jessica (kupcake55)* you're so rad and i love you homie! I like being able to talk to you about shit and i LOVE listening to punk rock and the misfits with you! *muah*
*zach (freezingpoint)* i'm so glad we met...you're the shit and i love the funny conversations we have. you can usually make me laugh even when i'm havin a shitty day. *big fat hug halfway across the country!* ;)
*darrell (pikkon)* I'm glad that we're friends and you rock! \m/ i like hangin out with you and shit. it's always a good time. *hug*
*scott (maliciousdezire) we just started talking and have only hung out one or two times...but you're fuckin cool and i like talkin to you. you seem to understand me a lot and i'm thankful for that. plus, you like salt and vinegar chips and that just rocks! \m/ hehe....
man, for real that is all that i can think of off the top of my head. this was the longest entry EVER and i don't blame you if you only skimmed through it.
now....on to bigger and better things.
"please flush it all away..i wanna see it go runnin down." -tool