(no subject)
The cuts on my palms and fingers have much improved and so I will see if I can write a bit until my hand tires, for I have found there is little better way to settle my mind and strengthen my resolve. I have been behaving so foolishly lately, and responding to every slightest injury with such an outpour of emotion, I can scarce explain it. It is true, I have been weak, but at a time such as this, weakness cannot be abided. I did not marry Linton to become the greatest lady of the neighborhood in order to sulk about and weep like a lost and lonely brokenhearted child. Considering my increasing limitations, I would do far better to refocus upon the opportunities that are actually left.
I have been giving much thought to the poor situation of Miss Murray and then to what I would ultimately do were I the one in her position. I must understand that where the Count is concerned, although my heart and my pride have been wounded so, it ought not affect my original intentions. Nor, do I realize at base, ought it alter Miss Murray’s. She will do as she will see fit, but it would really rather be a vain and silly thing, would it not, to limit one’s self based on the way one’s heart may burn or ache? Especially for one such as Miss Murray and after such a tragic fate had befallen her betrothed. So often I think of that night she spoke to me of that wicked sense of freedom she felt after it had happened. Perhaps freedom was not the correct association for her to make, but whatever was her state then, and is now, it is not one to be taken for granted.
As for myself, night after night, it makes me nervous to find myself so longing for-
* * * * * * * * * * *
How funny of me. No-It is time to take control again.
I have been giving much thought to the poor situation of Miss Murray and then to what I would ultimately do were I the one in her position. I must understand that where the Count is concerned, although my heart and my pride have been wounded so, it ought not affect my original intentions. Nor, do I realize at base, ought it alter Miss Murray’s. She will do as she will see fit, but it would really rather be a vain and silly thing, would it not, to limit one’s self based on the way one’s heart may burn or ache? Especially for one such as Miss Murray and after such a tragic fate had befallen her betrothed. So often I think of that night she spoke to me of that wicked sense of freedom she felt after it had happened. Perhaps freedom was not the correct association for her to make, but whatever was her state then, and is now, it is not one to be taken for granted.
As for myself, night after night, it makes me nervous to find myself so longing for-
* * * * * * * * * * *
How funny of me. No-It is time to take control again.