Mar 01, 2006 14:26
I thought I should take it upon myself to degrade Heathcliff on paper a little lest, while lying here daydreaming, I let my foolish fancy begin to turn him into something he sorely isn't... However, as soon as I rose from bed, I collapsed upon the floor with dizzy weakness. I was terrified and disoriented, and it was only after a few moments of regaining myself that I realized I had been lying in bed fully clothed, even still wearing my shoes, with no recollection of how I had come to be there--and the entire night had passed!
Tearing through my memories of last night now, nothing returns to me at all! Heathcliff and I enjoyed a quite lighthearted stroll through the yard where we teased each other about ghosts and then I told him about the dance that may occur here (which, of course, he only mocked), and then I do remember him bidding me goodnight... But afterwards? I felt a strong desire to remain without in the air while the dry weather held, but I remember nothing.
And here I am in my very large and comfortable (if dark) bedroom unknown hours later with a stinging burn at my throat that causes me to wince every time my fingers brush the small, round wounds there. They had been healing so well, and my fears of a scar were even allayed, but they are open again and I can only fear the worst.
The pen is heavy and what little life there is here seems to pass more slowly in front of my eyes, and yet despite this lethargy, I am truly terrified. Writing is the only thing that calms me. What is happening to me and how do I stop it? Could I have somehow fallen asleep in the yard and been bitten again by that bat? But how did I come to my room? Surely I didn't bring myself here and go to bed without so much as getting undressed...
I'm so cold, and yet I feel stifled at the same time and still too weak to reach for the bell to ring to have the window opened. Last time, the doctor warned me very seriously of just how fatal these attacks of mine are--but I can't die--not now, not yet! Of all the times in my life when I have wished for death, this is a time I want nothing more than to live!
Please! Help me...