you are like an x rated movie with the most beautiful song playing softly between the sheets. how much can one person love when they don't really love themselves.
i think they are capable of loving, only they struggle more & they may lose themselves in the process. but still, i think that love can rescue the two people in it, even if they began needing another person to save them. what love is capable of doing is allowing not only love for one another, but love for self & the ability to be happier, stand a little straighter, look at the world through a renewed perspective.
i just want to love more than just him. i want to love myself maybe not as much but more. and i don't think i ever could. love is so hard to explain. its gut wrenching.
why don't you think you are capable of loving yourself the way you want to love yourself? you are a wonderful person, jess. generous & kind & understanding & empathetic & hard-working & such a precious friend. i wish you could see within you all the qualities that glow from the inside.
i wish i could see those things but i can't. nevermind. i guess its sort of like seeing the scasr reminds me constantly of how much hate i had for myself...i dont hate myself like i used to. i just dont know how to love myself when i havent in so long. i cant understand how others can love me when i cant. ugh.
i'm okay. i should be doing some uni work but i am putting that off. my dietary habits & sleeping patterns & total lack of exercise & emotional preoccupations are probably a little imbalanced & unhealthy, but, i'm trying to get by. i watched closer in bed on my laptop from 2-4am this morning. that movie just gets more depressing each time i see it. have you ever watched it? the people in there for the most part are so vicious.
i hope it all becomes more balanced soon...though sometimes it is a good way to appreciate your old habits.. i haven't seen closer before but i will get it out and watch it. last night we went to a corn field maze...the one we went in was called evil corn and opens 8pm until 11pm. it took us an hour to get through and there were people with chainsaws (without chains on them of course) and they chase you around. all horror movie people you can think of...even the girl from the ring who was curled up on a swing and then you walk past and she getsup and walks really quick towards you..like in the movie. it was a great time in the midle of nowhere (we drove 3 hours to get there) but well worth it. going to the halloween one this year which is huge. ah. :) though my stomach is a little sore now...im wondering whether i did any damage to it last night running into corn and stuff.
xoxo
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
though my stomach is a little sore now...im wondering whether i did any damage to it last night running into corn and stuff.
Reply
Leave a comment