(no subject)
I'm just going to keep writing about things that don't really matter:
I talked to Phil last night for a little while. He's so weird. I want him to be in love with me and me to not feel anything at all for him. He is one of those people that reminds me that I have a destructive side to me. Julio tried to message me the other night, I was sleeping. Now it really does not matter if I go to see him next week or not. But, I'd like to, but I probably won't.
I went to 0 of my 4 classes today. I want to just sit in my room and sleep and not see or talk to anyone. And now all of those stupid boys who really don't care about me at all can be happy, and I can be miserable, back to the way things used to be. I suppose there is some comfort in normalcy.
I wrote this stuff earlier. I just came back from a dinner/meeting with Lupe. We discussed my career options. Why this man will do anything for me, I don't understand. I don't mind it though. And he spoils me so much. I love it, of course. So, then I called Eric. (dumb move because that shit is SO expensive from my school, but I haven't talked to him in a few days and I sort of missed him) So, we only talked for a few minutes, he was standing outside to talk to me, freeezing. I felt bad. He's cute. I kept smelling him tonight, so I just had to call him. Of course, I didn't tell him that. He says he will call me tomorrow after the show. I feel sort of like I am betraying Craig... which makes absolutely no sense at this point. But I know he knows Eric. And we JUST had the fire alarm go off =( Which forced me to see Jayson. I think there was eye contact for about a second. I'm so confused. I really don't like him at all.
Lupe told me all of these things tonight... He thinks so highly of me, always has.
I am going to mourn the loss of you. I am going to cry and question and be angry and confused and hate myself and hate you. And then I will be fine. And this will be a short process. You will always be in the back of my mind, but other oppurtunities always arise. And I have never been one to pass them up. You're beautiful and wonderful and everything I thought would be right for me. But truthfully, NOTHING has changed. And I am okay with that. All of the signs pointed to this, so who are we to deny them? I love you and miss you just the same as ever. But I am not one to waste time. goodnight
I talked to Phil last night for a little while. He's so weird. I want him to be in love with me and me to not feel anything at all for him. He is one of those people that reminds me that I have a destructive side to me. Julio tried to message me the other night, I was sleeping. Now it really does not matter if I go to see him next week or not. But, I'd like to, but I probably won't.
I went to 0 of my 4 classes today. I want to just sit in my room and sleep and not see or talk to anyone. And now all of those stupid boys who really don't care about me at all can be happy, and I can be miserable, back to the way things used to be. I suppose there is some comfort in normalcy.
I wrote this stuff earlier. I just came back from a dinner/meeting with Lupe. We discussed my career options. Why this man will do anything for me, I don't understand. I don't mind it though. And he spoils me so much. I love it, of course. So, then I called Eric. (dumb move because that shit is SO expensive from my school, but I haven't talked to him in a few days and I sort of missed him) So, we only talked for a few minutes, he was standing outside to talk to me, freeezing. I felt bad. He's cute. I kept smelling him tonight, so I just had to call him. Of course, I didn't tell him that. He says he will call me tomorrow after the show. I feel sort of like I am betraying Craig... which makes absolutely no sense at this point. But I know he knows Eric. And we JUST had the fire alarm go off =( Which forced me to see Jayson. I think there was eye contact for about a second. I'm so confused. I really don't like him at all.
Lupe told me all of these things tonight... He thinks so highly of me, always has.
I am going to mourn the loss of you. I am going to cry and question and be angry and confused and hate myself and hate you. And then I will be fine. And this will be a short process. You will always be in the back of my mind, but other oppurtunities always arise. And I have never been one to pass them up. You're beautiful and wonderful and everything I thought would be right for me. But truthfully, NOTHING has changed. And I am okay with that. All of the signs pointed to this, so who are we to deny them? I love you and miss you just the same as ever. But I am not one to waste time. goodnight