(no subject)
ok. i need out of my house. it may not sound bad to some people, but its terrible.
first of all, my dad waited SIX MONTHS (starting around january) to find me a doctor. i finally pushed him enough to take me to the doctor. and they do all these tests, and im going to the doctor like twice a week. i just couldn't breathe at all, id get winded. they're like "check her heart"; or "her liver's a little big, check that" or "check this,bla bla bla". the whole time i keep telling them "its my lungs! if im having trouble breathing, its because of my lungs!" and now, its AUGUST, and ive been 'diagnosed' with asthma for just over a month. It's mainly due to the fact that EVERYONE in my house smokes. My Dad, mom, sister, kat (since she practically lives here now),and my grandma. everyone in my house except me and the cat. i cant sleep well, i wake up a lot, and even though im on two inhalers (which im not sure is so good for me); i still cant breathe. plus running about a big high school campus and having to sit on a crowded bus where people have to stand up. Then, my mom starts complaining about how "ive had a bad attitude today" and ive been screaming. i dont scream much anymore, since i run out of breath. she's the one that kept on getting mad that i left cups in my room. So then my dad is like, "Kelly, why are you doing all this screaming when u run out of breath easily" and im like "im not screaming!" and he's saying that "i make myself not feel good" and basically, that im faking it. both of them say that every couple of weeks. they don't want to deal with it, because its "money wasted". How can i be faking it? i take two inhalers, and i get winded running up or down like, 8 steps.
No one knows how i feel. its the scariest and saddest feeling to know that you can barely breathe and your parents dont believe you. i cant breathe really deep, it makes me extremely dizzy and i want to pass out. Im sitting here breathing so weirdly its not good at all. i know i have 'asthma attacks'. i had one last night. i had one about two weeks ago too. everyone's just like "oh get over it, its not that bad." IT IS that bad. then i had to go to breathing tests awhile back, and the nurse made me inhale this stuff, and it practically closed up my airways. imagine having to inhale as much as possible then blow out really fast to get the next breath in as soon as you can. that's not good. i cant cough, it makes me not be able to breathe. i hate that no one believes i have a serious problem. and no one will even stop smoking around me! all of them blow smoke in my face all the time. i hate it. i hate them. i know you're not supposed to hate your family, but they made me this way. they're the reason i have the problem. they've been smoking around me since i was born. my "mother" probably smoked during her pregnancy.
i HATE them.
anyone gonna offer me a place to live? i/m me, ill tell you my address.
anywhere is better than here.
first of all, my dad waited SIX MONTHS (starting around january) to find me a doctor. i finally pushed him enough to take me to the doctor. and they do all these tests, and im going to the doctor like twice a week. i just couldn't breathe at all, id get winded. they're like "check her heart"; or "her liver's a little big, check that" or "check this,bla bla bla". the whole time i keep telling them "its my lungs! if im having trouble breathing, its because of my lungs!" and now, its AUGUST, and ive been 'diagnosed' with asthma for just over a month. It's mainly due to the fact that EVERYONE in my house smokes. My Dad, mom, sister, kat (since she practically lives here now),and my grandma. everyone in my house except me and the cat. i cant sleep well, i wake up a lot, and even though im on two inhalers (which im not sure is so good for me); i still cant breathe. plus running about a big high school campus and having to sit on a crowded bus where people have to stand up. Then, my mom starts complaining about how "ive had a bad attitude today" and ive been screaming. i dont scream much anymore, since i run out of breath. she's the one that kept on getting mad that i left cups in my room. So then my dad is like, "Kelly, why are you doing all this screaming when u run out of breath easily" and im like "im not screaming!" and he's saying that "i make myself not feel good" and basically, that im faking it. both of them say that every couple of weeks. they don't want to deal with it, because its "money wasted". How can i be faking it? i take two inhalers, and i get winded running up or down like, 8 steps.
No one knows how i feel. its the scariest and saddest feeling to know that you can barely breathe and your parents dont believe you. i cant breathe really deep, it makes me extremely dizzy and i want to pass out. Im sitting here breathing so weirdly its not good at all. i know i have 'asthma attacks'. i had one last night. i had one about two weeks ago too. everyone's just like "oh get over it, its not that bad." IT IS that bad. then i had to go to breathing tests awhile back, and the nurse made me inhale this stuff, and it practically closed up my airways. imagine having to inhale as much as possible then blow out really fast to get the next breath in as soon as you can. that's not good. i cant cough, it makes me not be able to breathe. i hate that no one believes i have a serious problem. and no one will even stop smoking around me! all of them blow smoke in my face all the time. i hate it. i hate them. i know you're not supposed to hate your family, but they made me this way. they're the reason i have the problem. they've been smoking around me since i was born. my "mother" probably smoked during her pregnancy.
i HATE them.
anyone gonna offer me a place to live? i/m me, ill tell you my address.
anywhere is better than here.