she and the stars
the windows are open. the sun is up and out and the cats are lazy. i am lazy, too, slouched on the futon. my laptop is really a bellytop. my unborn daughter's bum is serving as my table as i wait for her to make her grand appearance. like with many events in my life, i am waiting and wondering and guessing... what will she look like? how will i handle new motherhood? will i be a good teacher to her, giving her everything she needs at every stage? i see the next few months like a spring breeze, full of light and blowing past gently and warmly. i see this summer as wide eyes, and fixed smile, and first steps for everyone. i can't wait to start anything and everything. this is the summer of love and invention. of new beginnings, of seeing the world through little eyes. this summer will change everything, from family situations to careers to how those around me will see and handle the world.
there will be screaming and crying, nasty diapers, trails of spit up and drool, and endless nights of recuperation and sleeplessness. i shouldn't sugarcoat anything. but it seems i can't help it, seeing as i've never had to deal with a newborn 24/7. i'll learn my lessons soon enough. i'll deal with the pain when it gets here... and it seems like it'll never get here fast enough! it seems like i've been pregnant forever, and will continue to be so. i'll have to sleep on my sides for the rest of my life, and i'll never be able to comfortably put on my own socks ever again. i'll always have spotted troll feet and bad hips.
i'd go through unmedicated pain just to not have all of that happen!
so now that the timing is right, now that she is fully developed and we are 97% ready for her (still gotta call about getting her insurance...), i will do about anything to have her in my arms and no longer in my belly. but seeing as my few previous (and, okay, weak) attempts have so far been ineffective, maybe she'll come when she's ready. i already feel a little bad trying to force her birthdate just because it's a little more convenient... only she and the stars can choose something like that for her.
i hope it's soon, little one!
there will be screaming and crying, nasty diapers, trails of spit up and drool, and endless nights of recuperation and sleeplessness. i shouldn't sugarcoat anything. but it seems i can't help it, seeing as i've never had to deal with a newborn 24/7. i'll learn my lessons soon enough. i'll deal with the pain when it gets here... and it seems like it'll never get here fast enough! it seems like i've been pregnant forever, and will continue to be so. i'll have to sleep on my sides for the rest of my life, and i'll never be able to comfortably put on my own socks ever again. i'll always have spotted troll feet and bad hips.
i'd go through unmedicated pain just to not have all of that happen!
so now that the timing is right, now that she is fully developed and we are 97% ready for her (still gotta call about getting her insurance...), i will do about anything to have her in my arms and no longer in my belly. but seeing as my few previous (and, okay, weak) attempts have so far been ineffective, maybe she'll come when she's ready. i already feel a little bad trying to force her birthdate just because it's a little more convenient... only she and the stars can choose something like that for her.
i hope it's soon, little one!