Hookers on a rampage, midgets with rabbies, and a missing eye to boot
It's a mean city, that much I know from the people that live here. Just the other day I was walking out of the post office soon after some crazy woman inside started yelling something like "don't you judge me! I had to give away my child, don't start judging me, he was meaning to kill me so don't start looking at me that way, the little fucker had it coming, I had to whip him, that little faggot was going to steal my crack, so don't you look at me judging, I love my child I'm a good person, hear that, GOOD PERSON!!!"
Stealing candy, or loose change, sure, but crack? Talk about a deranged kid, hopped up on crack in the second grade! What kind of morally destitute are we teaching to become senators! Not that you should trust the rants from a woman that looks like an eighty year old hooker with a sixty year old crack habit, or for that matter anybody at all named Stalin, Mao, Kim, Aaron or with the last name Hitler, Nixon, Bush, Perez, they just wreak of villainy and so did she. But that's another place, a tangent from the story at hand.
Down the street I find a pigeon huddled against the post office building. At first I think nothing of it, then I notice the drops of blood next to it and on its' wing. So I stop and stare at this corporeal manifestation of my situation, of the city, of something I am not sure about, but there it lay, slowly bleeding to death on a cold midday sidewalk, waiting for the inevitable. Look at that, the pigeon don't even move, said someone behind me, then chuckled. Yeah, it's hurt and bleeding. Oh man it is, he said then exclaimed, if you think that's bad, I once saw a bird get hit by a bus an' land on the sidewalk near where I's standing. And the next thing I know it's bin pecked and eaten by crows, and the damn things still alive! Can you believe that, eaten alive, ain't that some crazy shit!
Fuck, what's wrong with your eye, I asked as I turned to get a good look at the man. An older black man, about 52, with a cane, skinny as a rail and obviously homeless now, answered back in a slight southern accent. I got that from some hooker, I'll beat the shit out of her and cut her damn nose off if I find her again. How'd that happen I asked as I stared with a sick curiosity at his eyelid caved into the socket. Aw,... I told her that I would get her some crack if she gave me a blowjob, but after she was done... well, I remembered that I had no cash on me. That bitch, she said it was alright and gave me a kiss right there on the cheek. But as soon as I opened my eyes, she sucked it right out, bit it off, grabbed my balls and squeezed till I fell. Last I saw was her spittin it out on me an stepping on my chest, crushed my eye then kicked me till I fainted. By the time I woke up I had a fucking headache from hell, on a pool of my own blood, an a missing eye to boot. An down on my foot was this midget lookin hooker person biting off a piece a flesh with a crazed look in 'er eyes. Craziest thing I ever saw until her pimp came along as I beat and kicked her off me with th' little strength I had. Then he told her, get off that bum, aw shit, did you get rabies again? I told you already that you don't suck on sick dogs for practice, shit, let's take you to the vet again. And then the damn thing spoke, said, alright, I'm sorry. Didn't even bother cleaning the blood on her face then both just walked away. Didn't even help me. Now I got this cane an the doctor says he's gonna have to cut my leg off. I asked if I could take a picture of him, but he said no. No need to have a picture of his misery, bad enough he has to loose a leg now I thought. If you want to take a picture of some weird shit, take a picture of that cannibalistic fat bitch down there on 3rd street, you know she gets WIC and still eats people. Wow, cannibalism in the big city, there's a book in that (it's so weird there has to be). I didn't believe it until I saw her and took a picture. The bus driver saw me, and asked why I took a picture. I told him that someone mentioned she was cannibalistic. It's a dark well kept secret he spoke softly. That the city actually subsidies her, even throws her a bag of chihuahuas for Christmas and Easter, as a treat.
The story goes that she was found by a manager in some dark corner of Wal Mart eating rats because she had gotten so fat that the cookies were out of reach and she couldn't teach the rats anything. Rumor has it she was waiting for Dr. Phil to show up for a book signing, so she hid, hoping to catch him as he left. He never showed, but she still had faith. She had grown too fat to walk and liked the taste of living things by this time and the customers thought she was an employee on break and the employees thought she was a regular customer. After some months of investigation they surmised that she was indeed not an employee and customers were not allowed after 10 pm, so she had to be escorted out of the store, even though she admitted she was not an employee (then again who would want to admit to that). The media would have gone crazy and closed the Wal Mart if they found out, so they dragged her out to the dumpster with a forklift late at night, away from the public view and any passer bys would think she was just another bum. She was told that "Phil was coming to see her there." Until one day she was caught by some bleeding heart employee eating kittens. Apparently she would tempt the poor things with garbage from the McDonals inside the store, pet them for a while until she got hungry. The employee didn't want to loose her job, but couldn't stand to see the woman eat kittens as she threw the trash away, she even offered her some fresh McDonalds burgers instead of kittens, but even cannibals have standards. The government must do something about this she thought (as most liberals do). So off she goes to the city center and signs her up for WIC (gov. food), but she is too fat to go pick it up and still waiting for 'Phil.' The woman conned some volenteers at a rescue shelter to help her move the woman, but halfway there the fat woman had to go to the bathroom, and since nobody wanted to clean up after that, they dropped her off there, in the worst part of town. Well soon after she was dropped off, the police noticed a drop in crime, the CDC noticed fewer sick patients at the local clinic, and the stray animal population was dwindling. The local mayor took notice and spoke of it as his idea (as most conservatives would) to improve the community through the public helping themselves. He said that she provides a public service, eating the weak and stupid that get too close, keeping a vigilant eye on crime (in reality she scared the vandals and stunk so bad that crack dealers couldn't work and crackheads were mysteriously disappearing). Some stink rose about her eating the stray cats so she was told by the cops to stick to the destitute and tourists and some 'treats' would be provided if she cooperated. She is now moved from slum to slum by the city to improve the quality of living. Yes, government subsidized cannibal is the way to go.
Stealing candy, or loose change, sure, but crack? Talk about a deranged kid, hopped up on crack in the second grade! What kind of morally destitute are we teaching to become senators! Not that you should trust the rants from a woman that looks like an eighty year old hooker with a sixty year old crack habit, or for that matter anybody at all named Stalin, Mao, Kim, Aaron or with the last name Hitler, Nixon, Bush, Perez, they just wreak of villainy and so did she. But that's another place, a tangent from the story at hand.
Down the street I find a pigeon huddled against the post office building. At first I think nothing of it, then I notice the drops of blood next to it and on its' wing. So I stop and stare at this corporeal manifestation of my situation, of the city, of something I am not sure about, but there it lay, slowly bleeding to death on a cold midday sidewalk, waiting for the inevitable. Look at that, the pigeon don't even move, said someone behind me, then chuckled. Yeah, it's hurt and bleeding. Oh man it is, he said then exclaimed, if you think that's bad, I once saw a bird get hit by a bus an' land on the sidewalk near where I's standing. And the next thing I know it's bin pecked and eaten by crows, and the damn things still alive! Can you believe that, eaten alive, ain't that some crazy shit!
Fuck, what's wrong with your eye, I asked as I turned to get a good look at the man. An older black man, about 52, with a cane, skinny as a rail and obviously homeless now, answered back in a slight southern accent. I got that from some hooker, I'll beat the shit out of her and cut her damn nose off if I find her again. How'd that happen I asked as I stared with a sick curiosity at his eyelid caved into the socket. Aw,... I told her that I would get her some crack if she gave me a blowjob, but after she was done... well, I remembered that I had no cash on me. That bitch, she said it was alright and gave me a kiss right there on the cheek. But as soon as I opened my eyes, she sucked it right out, bit it off, grabbed my balls and squeezed till I fell. Last I saw was her spittin it out on me an stepping on my chest, crushed my eye then kicked me till I fainted. By the time I woke up I had a fucking headache from hell, on a pool of my own blood, an a missing eye to boot. An down on my foot was this midget lookin hooker person biting off a piece a flesh with a crazed look in 'er eyes. Craziest thing I ever saw until her pimp came along as I beat and kicked her off me with th' little strength I had. Then he told her, get off that bum, aw shit, did you get rabies again? I told you already that you don't suck on sick dogs for practice, shit, let's take you to the vet again. And then the damn thing spoke, said, alright, I'm sorry. Didn't even bother cleaning the blood on her face then both just walked away. Didn't even help me. Now I got this cane an the doctor says he's gonna have to cut my leg off. I asked if I could take a picture of him, but he said no. No need to have a picture of his misery, bad enough he has to loose a leg now I thought. If you want to take a picture of some weird shit, take a picture of that cannibalistic fat bitch down there on 3rd street, you know she gets WIC and still eats people. Wow, cannibalism in the big city, there's a book in that (it's so weird there has to be). I didn't believe it until I saw her and took a picture. The bus driver saw me, and asked why I took a picture. I told him that someone mentioned she was cannibalistic. It's a dark well kept secret he spoke softly. That the city actually subsidies her, even throws her a bag of chihuahuas for Christmas and Easter, as a treat.
The story goes that she was found by a manager in some dark corner of Wal Mart eating rats because she had gotten so fat that the cookies were out of reach and she couldn't teach the rats anything. Rumor has it she was waiting for Dr. Phil to show up for a book signing, so she hid, hoping to catch him as he left. He never showed, but she still had faith. She had grown too fat to walk and liked the taste of living things by this time and the customers thought she was an employee on break and the employees thought she was a regular customer. After some months of investigation they surmised that she was indeed not an employee and customers were not allowed after 10 pm, so she had to be escorted out of the store, even though she admitted she was not an employee (then again who would want to admit to that). The media would have gone crazy and closed the Wal Mart if they found out, so they dragged her out to the dumpster with a forklift late at night, away from the public view and any passer bys would think she was just another bum. She was told that "Phil was coming to see her there." Until one day she was caught by some bleeding heart employee eating kittens. Apparently she would tempt the poor things with garbage from the McDonals inside the store, pet them for a while until she got hungry. The employee didn't want to loose her job, but couldn't stand to see the woman eat kittens as she threw the trash away, she even offered her some fresh McDonalds burgers instead of kittens, but even cannibals have standards. The government must do something about this she thought (as most liberals do). So off she goes to the city center and signs her up for WIC (gov. food), but she is too fat to go pick it up and still waiting for 'Phil.' The woman conned some volenteers at a rescue shelter to help her move the woman, but halfway there the fat woman had to go to the bathroom, and since nobody wanted to clean up after that, they dropped her off there, in the worst part of town. Well soon after she was dropped off, the police noticed a drop in crime, the CDC noticed fewer sick patients at the local clinic, and the stray animal population was dwindling. The local mayor took notice and spoke of it as his idea (as most conservatives would) to improve the community through the public helping themselves. He said that she provides a public service, eating the weak and stupid that get too close, keeping a vigilant eye on crime (in reality she scared the vandals and stunk so bad that crack dealers couldn't work and crackheads were mysteriously disappearing). Some stink rose about her eating the stray cats so she was told by the cops to stick to the destitute and tourists and some 'treats' would be provided if she cooperated. She is now moved from slum to slum by the city to improve the quality of living. Yes, government subsidized cannibal is the way to go.