So, I did it. I went the route of hell and bought Ugg boots.
But in the words of Gir, "Those are Ugg Boots?! I had no idea... they don't look like them."
And not a moment too soon, as the earth has once again spawned that evil white shit!
Plus, they pass the Ashley Shoe tests:
1. Dancing in the kitchen. These guys would not BUDGE. Which hopefully means I will not bust my ass on ice.
2. They're warm.
3. They're at least as comfortable as any of my combat boots.
Although I may apparently look like Santa wearing them with my red jeans.