Change is Real Good.
So I always think back on friends I've lost/separated myself from and the thing they always tell me is the two words that are supposed to say so much: "you've changed."
This statement is supposed to somehow sum up all of the reasons the relationship is ending. It is supposed to somehow explain all of the things that make you want to move on and become a we or an us with someone else (and I'm not just talking romantic relationships here... I'm talking friendships too). and I get that. its simple. It's a widely understood reason to end a relationship with someone. But for me it isn't reason enough. I have always understood what it means in general, and in response its always been the simple "I understand" and just like that, its over. But what I have always wanted to say in response to "you've changed" is "so what?"
I don't get why people are so squeamish toward change. people can't handle it. Everyone I know, everyone I've ever known is so spoiled that as soon as something changes they freak out. I think people should try to hold true to things that are important to them; yes of course. But in this world I think the ability to adapt is very important.
People obsess over change ad how important it is for the people they spend time around NEVER change. Heaven forbid anyone might be working toward personal growth! In every yearbook I've had since Junior High School I've had at least ten people write to me "don't ever change" and while of course I realize that it was meant as a compliment toward my character, I wonder why people cant just say that they appreciated the way I treadted them or whatever it was that they liked about me. Instead they demand I stay exactly the same. Where does that come from? that common thing that we write when we cant think of anything more personal.
Its about comfort.It's about not being able to accept what you know is going to happen. It is Denial. People will change. It's the only certainty in this world. But if you know that you wont run into this person ever again, you can write to them "don't ever change" in hopes that it wont happen. in hopes that they will infact stay exactly as you knew and liked them forever and ever, So we write it. and we silence that thing, the fact that you know that they will change. and we do it for our own piece of mind. Because we can't allow ourselves to be put out of our comfort zone. (forgive if this makes no sense. I'm typing so fast just to keep up with these thoughts)
and this is where the rant comes full circle: For me, change is good. I don't mind it. In fact I appreciate it. I am constantly changing. and Isn't that a good sign? shouldn't I be glad that I am not treading water? Because if you arent changing, for better or for worse, it must mean that while you may not be moving backward you most certainly are not moving forward. and I for one cannot love myself and be happy with my life if I am not growing. and when it comes to ME- because I cannot speak for anyone else- in order to grow, I must change.
This statement is supposed to somehow sum up all of the reasons the relationship is ending. It is supposed to somehow explain all of the things that make you want to move on and become a we or an us with someone else (and I'm not just talking romantic relationships here... I'm talking friendships too). and I get that. its simple. It's a widely understood reason to end a relationship with someone. But for me it isn't reason enough. I have always understood what it means in general, and in response its always been the simple "I understand" and just like that, its over. But what I have always wanted to say in response to "you've changed" is "so what?"
I don't get why people are so squeamish toward change. people can't handle it. Everyone I know, everyone I've ever known is so spoiled that as soon as something changes they freak out. I think people should try to hold true to things that are important to them; yes of course. But in this world I think the ability to adapt is very important.
People obsess over change ad how important it is for the people they spend time around NEVER change. Heaven forbid anyone might be working toward personal growth! In every yearbook I've had since Junior High School I've had at least ten people write to me "don't ever change" and while of course I realize that it was meant as a compliment toward my character, I wonder why people cant just say that they appreciated the way I treadted them or whatever it was that they liked about me. Instead they demand I stay exactly the same. Where does that come from? that common thing that we write when we cant think of anything more personal.
Its about comfort.It's about not being able to accept what you know is going to happen. It is Denial. People will change. It's the only certainty in this world. But if you know that you wont run into this person ever again, you can write to them "don't ever change" in hopes that it wont happen. in hopes that they will infact stay exactly as you knew and liked them forever and ever, So we write it. and we silence that thing, the fact that you know that they will change. and we do it for our own piece of mind. Because we can't allow ourselves to be put out of our comfort zone. (forgive if this makes no sense. I'm typing so fast just to keep up with these thoughts)
and this is where the rant comes full circle: For me, change is good. I don't mind it. In fact I appreciate it. I am constantly changing. and Isn't that a good sign? shouldn't I be glad that I am not treading water? Because if you arent changing, for better or for worse, it must mean that while you may not be moving backward you most certainly are not moving forward. and I for one cannot love myself and be happy with my life if I am not growing. and when it comes to ME- because I cannot speak for anyone else- in order to grow, I must change.