My First Pregnancy... and Loss...
Originally posted by carafbabyat My First Pregnancy... and Loss...
In February 2010 the love of my life David proposed to me, in March we bought our first home and April 16th, 2011 I married my best friend. I found out in June that was I pregnant and must have convinced in May a month after we were married. We were ecstatic we had already planned on trying to start our family as soon as possible but had no idea that it would happen the first month we tried. Foolishly we told everyone right away so there were a lot of people with their hopes up besides us. Luckily it was only family and close friends that knew but it was very difficult to let everyone know that we were no longer expecting. I struggled with depression, which is new to me, I have never had anything so tramatic happen to me in my life so I did not deal with the loss in the healthiest way. I went through all of the grief stages, I have been angry, sad, and of course felt extreme guilt. When I did have a good day I felt terrible for being able to move on and guilty for not being more upset than I was. I have gotten as close to accpetance as you can possibly get after experiencing a miscarriage but I still ask why often, I am still bitter towards newly pregnant women, and I have strongly questioned my faith throughout the last three months.
This was my first and only sonogram, I never saw the heartbeat but there was, is, and indescribable connection to this little thing. As time passed I never experienced the typical pregnancy symptoms I had been reading about, looking back now I think I knew in my heart that something wasn't right. In July the bleeding started and after testing my blood several times for 2 weeks the Dr's told my me HCG levels were dropping and I had lost the baby. Since my body did not pass it naturally on its own I choose to take medicine to help my body pass it. It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced and I wish that no woman would ever have to go through what I did.
I have taken the time to grieve and understand my loss and given my body enough time to heal that we are ready and able to try again. I have been doing a lot of research on trying to conceive and feel that since it happened so quickly last time it won't take long! I know this was a depressing start but my next entries will have more to do w TTC and will be much more hopeful!
In February 2010 the love of my life David proposed to me, in March we bought our first home and April 16th, 2011 I married my best friend. I found out in June that was I pregnant and must have convinced in May a month after we were married. We were ecstatic we had already planned on trying to start our family as soon as possible but had no idea that it would happen the first month we tried. Foolishly we told everyone right away so there were a lot of people with their hopes up besides us. Luckily it was only family and close friends that knew but it was very difficult to let everyone know that we were no longer expecting. I struggled with depression, which is new to me, I have never had anything so tramatic happen to me in my life so I did not deal with the loss in the healthiest way. I went through all of the grief stages, I have been angry, sad, and of course felt extreme guilt. When I did have a good day I felt terrible for being able to move on and guilty for not being more upset than I was. I have gotten as close to accpetance as you can possibly get after experiencing a miscarriage but I still ask why often, I am still bitter towards newly pregnant women, and I have strongly questioned my faith throughout the last three months.
This was my first and only sonogram, I never saw the heartbeat but there was, is, and indescribable connection to this little thing. As time passed I never experienced the typical pregnancy symptoms I had been reading about, looking back now I think I knew in my heart that something wasn't right. In July the bleeding started and after testing my blood several times for 2 weeks the Dr's told my me HCG levels were dropping and I had lost the baby. Since my body did not pass it naturally on its own I choose to take medicine to help my body pass it. It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced and I wish that no woman would ever have to go through what I did.
I have taken the time to grieve and understand my loss and given my body enough time to heal that we are ready and able to try again. I have been doing a lot of research on trying to conceive and feel that since it happened so quickly last time it won't take long! I know this was a depressing start but my next entries will have more to do w TTC and will be much more hopeful!