First and Last 06
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Ohno Satoshi
Genre: AU, Angst, and a bit of fluff.
Disclaimer: The boys are of their own free selves.
Summary: He was and always will be his first and last love.
Sho's words hit him like a blow to the stomach, and Satoshi dropped into the couch, stunned. Gripping the cushions, he closed his eyes and drew several deep breaths. He felt like a fool. He should have know that this was Sho's plan all along.
A week ago when Ninomiya Kazunari took over the final stages of negotiations, explaining that Sho was needed elsewhere, Satoshi had been very relieved. After his run-in with Sho, followed by three days of silence, he had been afraid that he had ruined the whole deal...and at times, when he thought of having to face him again, equally afraid that he hadn't. Nino's sudden appearance had seemed like God's gift to him.
God's gift my foot! It had all been part of a carefully thought out plan. And like an idiot, I fell for it! Satoshi's mouth compressed into a firm line as he shook his head at his own gullibility.
Nino was a shrewd but amiable businessman, and by the end of the week, they had finished their deal to the mutual agreement of everyone concerned. He and Jun had each received a large block of Ninomiya stocks and seats on the board. In addition, they had signed contracts to remain in their current positions for at least three years. When Nino had told them he would be installing a general manager from among his staff ha had not been worried. Sho, as Ninomiya Kazunari's right hand and COO, was much too big a cog in the Ninomiya organization to bother with the everyday concerns of their newly acquired fashion branch. At least, that's what he had told himself.
You fool. Satoshi berated himself harshly. You should have known that Sho wouldn't just let the matter drop there. He was the most tenacious, most determined man you have met. When he wanted something, he doesn't give up until he has it. And he wants you. Again.
Satoshi stiffened at the thought. Oh, no. He wasn't about to leave himself open for that kind of pain again. He opened his eyes and focused on Sho, his expression cold as ice. "You're wasting your time Sho. What we had is over. Finished. We're not the same two people anymore. You can't expect to just walk back into my life and take up where you left off."
"I love you Satoshi. I never stopped loving you. I'm going to win you back." Sho said quietly, decisively. "No matter how long it takes."
Sho's unwavering persistence unnerved Satoshi but he hid his reaction behind a cold contemptuous expression. He knows Sakurai Sho. Show the man the least bit of weakness and he would hammer at it until you break. He clenched his hands together tightly and stared back at him, flashes of steel behind his eyes.
"That's too bad Sho. Because, you see, I don't love you. I won't love you." He stressed with soft forcefulness. "It's just too painful."
The spasm of sheer pain that glimpsed over Sho's face was quickly hidden, his features hardening into a rigid mask of determination. But Satoshi had noticed the betraying reaction, and though he found it disturbing, he could not stop feeling the sheer satisfaction that exploded inside him.
"You loved me once." Sho insisted. "I'll make you love me again."
"No. It won't work Sho. I'm not the same naive twenty-three year old innocent you knew." He sighed, stood up, and walked behind his desk. "I'm a man, eight years older and a hundred times wiser. It would be very foolish of me to even consider rekindling our relationship. Too much has happened. Too many things that can't be undone."
"We'll start fresh. Forget about the past." Sho argued, planting both hands on the desk top and leaning towards him, his face full of anxiety and purpose. "What we had was beautiful and special, and we can have it again Satoshi. I know we can. I can still remember how it was between us. Every tiny detail. The way you melted in my arms, the feel of your skin against mine, the happiness when we are joined together. Even now I can still remember your taste, your scent. We belong together. Always have and always will."
"NO!" Satoshi shouted and slammed his fists on the desk in denial of his body's response to Sho's words. His heart was slamming against his chest and a throbbing heat spread all over his body.Gritting his teeth against the unwanted attraction, he looked Sho straight in the eyes. Pure hatred in his own eyes. "Don't you see that even if I still had any feelings for you, which I assure you I don't, I'd never be able to forget that after only two months in her bed you couldn't wait to marry Maki. As I recall, you refused to even consider moving in with me until after graduation."
"Wha-what?" A look of surprise streaked through Sho's face as he sucked in his breath, eyes widening. The surprise changed to dread and he shook his head slowly. "I...I thought you knew. Maki was pregnant."
It was a blow to the heart. Satoshi could feel himself sway, feel the blood drain from his face, his lungs stop functioning as the twisting pain came over him. It was the only thing he could not give Sho. It used to be the only thing he agonized over eight years ago. He was trembling inside but he met Sho's gaze steadily. "I see. And the child?"
"A girl. Her name is Toumi (翔海). My name and the sea you loved. She's seven and bright as a button." Sho shone with fatherly pride that stabbed Satoshi to the bone. He drew in a breath and bit his lip. "When Maki and I were divorced, six years ago, I got complete custody. As soon as school is out, Toumi will be joining me here."
"God Sho. And you honestly think that we can pick up where we left off?" He sighed and looked at the father in front of him, and shook his head. "Can't you see? Your daughter would be a constant reminder of your unfaithfulness."
"She's not the one to blame Satoshi. She's just a child."
"Yes. She's Maki's child. I could never forget that."
His words scored a direct hit. He saw in Sho's eyes, heard his sudden intake of breath. As he watched, Sho's head drooped between his braced arms and his whole body slumped in defeat. Something stirred inside him, something close to pity or compassion, but he resolutely shoved it aside. He could not afford having those emotions whenever Sho is concerned.
At last, Sho straightened. He watched as the weary man rubbed the back of his neck, turned and walked to the glass wall behind his desk. The silence between them stretched for a few minutes, but Sho just stared out, squinting his eyes against the glare of the sun while Satoshi sat and fiddled with a pen on his desk.
"Maybe..." Sho stopped and looked back at him, then retraced his steps and sat down in one of the leather chairs before his desk. holding his gaze, Sho started talking. "Maybe you would understand better if I told you why I did what I did eight years ago."
"You already told me. You didn't trust me. You believed Maki's lies because you didn't have faith in me."
"No. It wasn't that I didn't have enough faith in you." Sho corrected him firmly. "I didn't have enough faith in myself."
"You?" He almost burst out in laughter. Sakurai Sho had always been the most self-assured person he knew. Eight years ago, his maturity and confidence made him stand out among the younger men at college. It had been one of the things that attracted him to the man.
"It's true." Sho assured him when he displayed his obvious skepticism at the idea. "I know. I never had any trouble when it came to other things, but somehow I could never believe that someone with a background like mine could ever be with a man like you. When you're the kid from the wrong side of the tracks and the son of a drunk to boot, you don't expect to wind up with a prince."
Satoshi became very still. Eight years ago Sho had avoided discussing his childhood. Whenever he brought it up, he would always change the subject. When he persisted he had told him sharply that his parents were dead and that he didn't want to talk about them anymore.He had let the matter drop but the nagging hunch that there was something more to the story didn't leave him.
"I don't even remember my mother. Sho continued with a grim voice, his eyes trained on a spot on the wall. "She took off with some guy when I was small. Not that I blame her. My dad was a mean bastard when drunk, which was most of the time. I learned it early that it was best to just stay out of his way. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes not."
Crossing his legs, Sho dingered the crease in his pants. "The last time he came at me with his fists I was sixteen, and bigger than he was, and I'd have enough. I knocked him flat on his back and left. I've never been back. Your dad was the closest thing to a father I've had."
Something gave in inside Satoshi, a crack in the defensive wall he had built around his heart. The thought of a young Sho, neglected and abused, living in who knows what kind of environment that evil man brought on a tight, achy feeling in his chest. Helplessly, his eyes went to the crescent shaped scar on his cheek. Had his father done that to him?
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