The Secret Behind the Subject Lines
One hour, always typing... no stopping, no thinking, no bathroom breaks. God can I make it? let's see. I expect to this post to be rather trite, boring, and absolutely littered with errors as i will also refuse to take the time to proof read my work. I really just wanted to see what would happen if i truly vomited onto the keyboard, and perhaps catch my liturgical Tourettes at work.
Ok, one paragraph down, and I'm already stumped.... goddamn it. I thought it would be a lot easier than this. Just keep typing you bastard!! Don't worry about the content. The CONTENT BE DAMNED!!!
So I turned in a shitload of applications today. Having about NO luck in trying to find a regular non-retail job, I decided to throw my hat into the monkey pen and see which store grabs it first. Out of the 6 stores (Banana Republic, Oakley, Office Depot, Clarks of England, Wilson's Leather, and... Victoria's Secret) I applied to, 3 of them had an immediate interview.
Okay... the victoria Secrets requires a bit of explanation. No, I'm not a perv... at least not when it comes to women. I was looking through the book at the Mall concierge desk to see which stores were hiring fulltime (which explains the short application list) and a sales associate from VS told me (nay, DEMANDED) that I apply there. My first response was "Derr, I'm a guy, derr", but apparently they are in need of stock help, which requires no dealing with customers or weekend hours... plus they pay almost as much as an Assistant Manager anywhere else. So I applied. The rest of the people in VS that worked there gave me weird looks; I couldn't help but feel that I'd been set up for an elaborate joke.
Anyway, one out of the three interviews was with VS... the other two being Office Depot and Clarks. No job offers yet, but it looks like that all of the positions are at least full time AND pay enough to support my addictive DVD habit (still fiending for Hot Fuzz and Zodiac btw... having no money sucks!). Tomorrow I have a second interview with VS, Office Depot, and Borders, plus a first interview with Oakley. Christ I hate retail... I can already smell Santa's farts and it's not even September.
So, job situation is still up in the air... so what about housing? Despite my parents told me that I have until the end of July to find a new place... I am still here. Granted, I have found a new place... err, old place... a place in which I will move in soon that I have lived before. It just needs to be repainted and refloored, so when I'm not out pimping my soul out to consumeristic vendors, I will be found with a paint roller in hand.
What time is it? WTF, only 20 minutes? Christ... I figured typing took longer than all that. Maybe I could just start making up phrases and chuck them at the screen to see if they stick. Nope... takes too long, need to keep typing. If they come to me though, I'll be sure to interject... grammar be damned.
So, despite being in Maryland for a week and half now, I've managed to see maybe two of my friends. I recognize this to be %100 of my own damned fault since I haven't made any effort to see anyone, but rest assured... if any of you sodomites are still reading this... once all my shit is taken care of, you might find me showing up on your doorstep with a case of beer or bottle of whiskey (depends on the mood) ready to terrorass Maryland, or at least the inside of your house (muahaha).
Oh oh oh!!! So I was looking for jobs online and there was a local, monthly magazine looking for columnists. It's only 600 words and $75 per column, but at least I could get myself published... and that would rock!! Of course i'd have to pretend to be somewhat professional and not so foul-mouthed or bastardly... but that's fine. I'll still have this site to say "fuck" and "belligerant whale semen" all I want. Besides, 600 words would only take me like what... an hour to type [and three weeks to edit]? But I'd think it'd be fun, especially if knowing that literally thousands of average degenerates will be reading my material, and possibly following my advice, without ANY knowledge of the deformed brain behind the words.
So apparently, the gods that be don't want me to type interrupted for an hour. so far I'm up to 2 phone calls and a knock at the door. Normally I'd have no problem simply ignoring them, but I am the only one here and it might be someone that I might actually want to hear from (aka someone with a steady paycheck with my name on it).
So, back to bludgeoning away at the keyboard. I've actually lost track of how long I've been at this. Technically it's been about 45 minutes but that is including being afk for at least 5 minutes, maybe more. But again I've run into a wall. I simply can't think of anything...
...Except I was kinda surprised to hear absolutely nothing about the guy, that has been a vegetable for the past 8 years, that is now speaking and retained some of his motor functions. Of course this is limited to "Mommy" and being able to feed himself... but it is a pretty substantial medical/scientific break through. Instead... the news was focusing on how apparently somewhere in the midwest is crumbling and imploding on itself. I don't have the details in front of me, but all I remember is they were talking about mayhem, cars, collapsing highways, and the earth swallowing people whole. It was like some Old Testament Roller Derby. Does bring up an interesting question... which is more news worthy and why? Some guy can finally wipe his own ass after 8 years or the hand of god up and decides to smite those in Michigan (or Minnesota... or Montana... one of those M states). I understand that with media in the United States in question, "if it bleeds, it leads", but elsewhere (you know... pragmatically minded countries) which do think is more "important"? Personally, I've no clue.
So it comes down to the end of my hour. I will actually be spending some time to spell check (else some of my friends my castrate me), and taking the time to add an LJ cut somewhere. But I also wanted to actually live up to the subject line for once. If you were ever wondering if i am trying to be intelligent, subtle, or clever with my post subjects: I'm not. They are completely random, and I pick them out by looking around me. Like if i were to actually have a "normal" subject line this time it would probably be *scans about the room* [Chesapeake Pig Fetish].... which I will no doubt use next time.
Ok, one paragraph down, and I'm already stumped.... goddamn it. I thought it would be a lot easier than this. Just keep typing you bastard!! Don't worry about the content. The CONTENT BE DAMNED!!!
So I turned in a shitload of applications today. Having about NO luck in trying to find a regular non-retail job, I decided to throw my hat into the monkey pen and see which store grabs it first. Out of the 6 stores (Banana Republic, Oakley, Office Depot, Clarks of England, Wilson's Leather, and... Victoria's Secret) I applied to, 3 of them had an immediate interview.
Okay... the victoria Secrets requires a bit of explanation. No, I'm not a perv... at least not when it comes to women. I was looking through the book at the Mall concierge desk to see which stores were hiring fulltime (which explains the short application list) and a sales associate from VS told me (nay, DEMANDED) that I apply there. My first response was "Derr, I'm a guy, derr", but apparently they are in need of stock help, which requires no dealing with customers or weekend hours... plus they pay almost as much as an Assistant Manager anywhere else. So I applied. The rest of the people in VS that worked there gave me weird looks; I couldn't help but feel that I'd been set up for an elaborate joke.
Anyway, one out of the three interviews was with VS... the other two being Office Depot and Clarks. No job offers yet, but it looks like that all of the positions are at least full time AND pay enough to support my addictive DVD habit (still fiending for Hot Fuzz and Zodiac btw... having no money sucks!). Tomorrow I have a second interview with VS, Office Depot, and Borders, plus a first interview with Oakley. Christ I hate retail... I can already smell Santa's farts and it's not even September.
So, job situation is still up in the air... so what about housing? Despite my parents told me that I have until the end of July to find a new place... I am still here. Granted, I have found a new place... err, old place... a place in which I will move in soon that I have lived before. It just needs to be repainted and refloored, so when I'm not out pimping my soul out to consumeristic vendors, I will be found with a paint roller in hand.
What time is it? WTF, only 20 minutes? Christ... I figured typing took longer than all that. Maybe I could just start making up phrases and chuck them at the screen to see if they stick. Nope... takes too long, need to keep typing. If they come to me though, I'll be sure to interject... grammar be damned.
So, despite being in Maryland for a week and half now, I've managed to see maybe two of my friends. I recognize this to be %100 of my own damned fault since I haven't made any effort to see anyone, but rest assured... if any of you sodomites are still reading this... once all my shit is taken care of, you might find me showing up on your doorstep with a case of beer or bottle of whiskey (depends on the mood) ready to terrorass Maryland, or at least the inside of your house (muahaha).
Oh oh oh!!! So I was looking for jobs online and there was a local, monthly magazine looking for columnists. It's only 600 words and $75 per column, but at least I could get myself published... and that would rock!! Of course i'd have to pretend to be somewhat professional and not so foul-mouthed or bastardly... but that's fine. I'll still have this site to say "fuck" and "belligerant whale semen" all I want. Besides, 600 words would only take me like what... an hour to type [and three weeks to edit]? But I'd think it'd be fun, especially if knowing that literally thousands of average degenerates will be reading my material, and possibly following my advice, without ANY knowledge of the deformed brain behind the words.
So apparently, the gods that be don't want me to type interrupted for an hour. so far I'm up to 2 phone calls and a knock at the door. Normally I'd have no problem simply ignoring them, but I am the only one here and it might be someone that I might actually want to hear from (aka someone with a steady paycheck with my name on it).
So, back to bludgeoning away at the keyboard. I've actually lost track of how long I've been at this. Technically it's been about 45 minutes but that is including being afk for at least 5 minutes, maybe more. But again I've run into a wall. I simply can't think of anything...
...Except I was kinda surprised to hear absolutely nothing about the guy, that has been a vegetable for the past 8 years, that is now speaking and retained some of his motor functions. Of course this is limited to "Mommy" and being able to feed himself... but it is a pretty substantial medical/scientific break through. Instead... the news was focusing on how apparently somewhere in the midwest is crumbling and imploding on itself. I don't have the details in front of me, but all I remember is they were talking about mayhem, cars, collapsing highways, and the earth swallowing people whole. It was like some Old Testament Roller Derby. Does bring up an interesting question... which is more news worthy and why? Some guy can finally wipe his own ass after 8 years or the hand of god up and decides to smite those in Michigan (or Minnesota... or Montana... one of those M states). I understand that with media in the United States in question, "if it bleeds, it leads", but elsewhere (you know... pragmatically minded countries) which do think is more "important"? Personally, I've no clue.
So it comes down to the end of my hour. I will actually be spending some time to spell check (else some of my friends my castrate me), and taking the time to add an LJ cut somewhere. But I also wanted to actually live up to the subject line for once. If you were ever wondering if i am trying to be intelligent, subtle, or clever with my post subjects: I'm not. They are completely random, and I pick them out by looking around me. Like if i were to actually have a "normal" subject line this time it would probably be *scans about the room* [Chesapeake Pig Fetish].... which I will no doubt use next time.