Obliviousness as feminism
On the oft-referenced post, here.
(EDIT - link fixed)
In a lot of ways, I'm very grateful for my cluelessness. It's really protected me from a lot of bullshit. I've come to the realization that I've got pretty serious attention problems, and in my life I've ended up just not fucking noticing when people tried to put the vibe on me that I shouldn't or couldn't.
I had a rep as a slut for years before I actually lost it, cuz I'd go off with boys for hours, just talking. I never knew, until someone mentioned it 10 years later.
Mom worked, I pretty much raised myself with the TV, and I never had a man in my life that had any say over my behavior. Mom kept bringing home damaged goods, so I guess I got a bit of a bad impression.
No, I've never needed or wanted escorting. During the most traumatic moments of my life, I didn't wish for a protector or escort. I've walked alone through darkened city streets at 3 am, aware that it was unsafe, but mostly not really caring, just planning on how to get away, if necessary. The worst that ever happened was I was stopped by the cops because they thought I might be the arsonist they were looking for.
My elder sister, the much older bull dyke with the traumatic life history, and the hunting and rough-and-tumble attitude, asked me once if I carried a knife, when I walked home late at night. I said, "No, cuz I don't want to get stabbed with my own knife!" She's always been much more protective of me than I have felt was appropriate. Have her negative experiences been a formative part of her personality? Er, duh.
I'm also pretty much not a girly-girl, though, either. I suck at makeup, hate dresses, etc. Hell, I only started wearing bras once having kids made it necessary. And I hate it.
I've never had to be around anyone that was patronizing, who used insulting terms, or implied that I wasn't capable.* Or at least, I never equated it with because I was a woman. I've always just put it down to being an ass.
And that's really what it is, isn't it? Making assumptions about people based on anything but their words and actions means you're an ass, right? I guess I make that clear with people. I don't get the quiet regret kind of feminism. The wistful, oh, this is how life is, sometimes, gosh, isn't it unfair?
Really, can't you communicate that someone is being a dick, without actually having to spell it out? I guess I have a transparent face.
My coworker that I disagree so virulently with on what I consider basic human rights issues, she knows I think she's a dick. Well, the two worst offenders. But we can still work together, and I don't feel like I'm being forced to compromise my standards. I've made it clear that we are not to broach the subject and everyone will be fine.
I'm brusque, I lack tact, and I lack patience for bullshit. I'm mature enough now that when I'm in a situation where someone is being obnoxious to me, I walk away. If I have to deal with this person, I revisit the issue later, and actually address it when I have a problem. Luckily I've never been the kind of person who cries when she's angry, so I guess that's helped.
Feh. I guess I just don't get it. I'm a feminist because I believe everyone is a person first, not because I am particularly sensitive to gender, sexuality, sexual orientation, whatever. I don't think I'm racist for the same reason.** I give what I get. Why is that so hard?
* (Well, except this one guy when my office was moving, and I was just kind of shocked that I couldn't joke him out of it.)
** (Though I fully cop to being very prejudiced against certain cultural choices. For example, I'm all for being proud of who you are, and your culture and group identity, but glorifying shit that is otherwise miserable is incomprehensible to me. Pimps, drug addiction, gangs - I was once sitting behind a girl in math class at Laney college in Oakland, who was wearing a T-Shirt that read "Shady 80's - Deep East Oakland" that had graphics of busted up houses with bullet holes, chainlink fences, and boarded up windows. Why would you be proud of that? Don't have to be ashamed, but, shit, why would you want to glorify THAT part of your life?)
(EDIT - link fixed)
In a lot of ways, I'm very grateful for my cluelessness. It's really protected me from a lot of bullshit. I've come to the realization that I've got pretty serious attention problems, and in my life I've ended up just not fucking noticing when people tried to put the vibe on me that I shouldn't or couldn't.
I had a rep as a slut for years before I actually lost it, cuz I'd go off with boys for hours, just talking. I never knew, until someone mentioned it 10 years later.
Mom worked, I pretty much raised myself with the TV, and I never had a man in my life that had any say over my behavior. Mom kept bringing home damaged goods, so I guess I got a bit of a bad impression.
No, I've never needed or wanted escorting. During the most traumatic moments of my life, I didn't wish for a protector or escort. I've walked alone through darkened city streets at 3 am, aware that it was unsafe, but mostly not really caring, just planning on how to get away, if necessary. The worst that ever happened was I was stopped by the cops because they thought I might be the arsonist they were looking for.
My elder sister, the much older bull dyke with the traumatic life history, and the hunting and rough-and-tumble attitude, asked me once if I carried a knife, when I walked home late at night. I said, "No, cuz I don't want to get stabbed with my own knife!" She's always been much more protective of me than I have felt was appropriate. Have her negative experiences been a formative part of her personality? Er, duh.
I'm also pretty much not a girly-girl, though, either. I suck at makeup, hate dresses, etc. Hell, I only started wearing bras once having kids made it necessary. And I hate it.
I've never had to be around anyone that was patronizing, who used insulting terms, or implied that I wasn't capable.* Or at least, I never equated it with because I was a woman. I've always just put it down to being an ass.
And that's really what it is, isn't it? Making assumptions about people based on anything but their words and actions means you're an ass, right? I guess I make that clear with people. I don't get the quiet regret kind of feminism. The wistful, oh, this is how life is, sometimes, gosh, isn't it unfair?
Really, can't you communicate that someone is being a dick, without actually having to spell it out? I guess I have a transparent face.
My coworker that I disagree so virulently with on what I consider basic human rights issues, she knows I think she's a dick. Well, the two worst offenders. But we can still work together, and I don't feel like I'm being forced to compromise my standards. I've made it clear that we are not to broach the subject and everyone will be fine.
I'm brusque, I lack tact, and I lack patience for bullshit. I'm mature enough now that when I'm in a situation where someone is being obnoxious to me, I walk away. If I have to deal with this person, I revisit the issue later, and actually address it when I have a problem. Luckily I've never been the kind of person who cries when she's angry, so I guess that's helped.
Feh. I guess I just don't get it. I'm a feminist because I believe everyone is a person first, not because I am particularly sensitive to gender, sexuality, sexual orientation, whatever. I don't think I'm racist for the same reason.** I give what I get. Why is that so hard?
* (Well, except this one guy when my office was moving, and I was just kind of shocked that I couldn't joke him out of it.)
** (Though I fully cop to being very prejudiced against certain cultural choices. For example, I'm all for being proud of who you are, and your culture and group identity, but glorifying shit that is otherwise miserable is incomprehensible to me. Pimps, drug addiction, gangs - I was once sitting behind a girl in math class at Laney college in Oakland, who was wearing a T-Shirt that read "Shady 80's - Deep East Oakland" that had graphics of busted up houses with bullet holes, chainlink fences, and boarded up windows. Why would you be proud of that? Don't have to be ashamed, but, shit, why would you want to glorify THAT part of your life?)