Matchmaker from Hell
"Well, somebody has to arrange the matches,
Young people can’t decide these things themselves."
Today I felt like I was in my own rendition of "The Fiddler on the Roof" and "Matchmaker" was my theme song.
It was Hell, pure Hell!
My aunt turned 90 and her birthday was this big celebration with the whole family. I smiled, acted my polite little self and covered my tattoo so I wouldn't have to hear how I'm not going to be buried on a Jewish cemetery. (This is a myth BTW.)
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm Jewish and so are the many relatives I had to put up with tonight.
Don't get me wrong, as the corny song says "I'm a Jew and I'm proud" but I have also lived in this community for all my life and some things get annoying very fast.
Allow me to illustrate. Here is my very twisted, real life and sad songfic of my evening: (Notice how I selected only the relevant parts of the lyrics)
_____________________
"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match,
find me a find, catch me a catch,"
I was sitting through the boring diner, thinking quietly about Gundam pilots in compromising situations, when the Rabbi showed up. He congratulated my aunt for her birthday and praised her many attributes as a good Jewish mother and wife.
"Bring me a ring for I'm longing to be the envy of all I see"
I'm not saying that that's bad at all but the woman is 90 years old and she has done many interesting things in her life besides being a mother and a wife (even if her descendants are 57 people with 2 great grandchild's and the third great great grandchild on the way - yes, a prolific family.)
"I promise you'll be happy, and even if you're not
there's more to life than that, don't ask me what."
Anyway, that's not the part that bothered me, after all the Rabbi wasn't talking to me and my aunt is a great mother, etc… The part that made me want to run as far as I could from my temporary Anatevka, was when the Rabbi turned to my grandfather and told him "May we see you on your grand daughter's matrimony".
"Chava I've found him you'll be a lucky bride,
he's handsome he's tall that is from side to side"
I used my hypocritical smile on the good Rabbi and tried to ignore the fact that he was waiting for me to nod. I've heard that many times and it doesn't affect me anymore but that 'blessing' was followed by another one to my mother, "May your daughter soon give a grandchild and a son in law."
Now, that one was new.
"you've heard about his temper, he'll beat you every night
but only when he's sober, so you're alright."
As if the humiliation wasn't enough, the people in the room (I'm not sure exactly who but If I ever find out I will hunt them down!) started telling me to say "Amen". Amen, the Hebrew word for "so be it"! I kept giving them my stupid fake smile as I silently but very firmly refused to accept the fate they were imposing on me.
"up to this minute I've misunderstood
that I could get stuck for good"
I'm 20 years old, what makes them think I want to get married?
I'm not a feminist but that notion that the best thing they can wish a woman is marriage and children is a little medieval. They are implying (be it intentional or not) that that's as high as we can or want to aspire. I have nothing against married women but I'm not the type.
"Matchmaker matchmaker plan me no plans "
I don't believe in marriage and I don't believe in love. I don't want to have children because I'm sure I wouldn't be a good mother and I know I'm too selfish to give a child what he or she deserves. I'm just not the type and I find it very stressing that my community just tries to make me fill the mold without caring if I want to or not.
I should become a hermit.
"so bring me no ring groom me no groom
find me no find catch me no catch"
________________________
That's why I hate family reunions... Now, to the mandatory Quiz thing...
A dreamer. You are the Faerie of the Moonlight. A
calm spirit who feels alone. You sometimes find
yourself crying, but can not figure out the
reason. You have a fear of being used. People
have hurt you, and you do not know if you can
trust them. You lose yourself in writing or
reading, a very creative faerie. People want to
be your friend, but you don't know if you want
to be theirs. Sometimes you classify yourself
as an outcast, but you try to be content with
your tears. At least you'll always have your
fantasies..
What's your inner Faerie?
brought to you by Quizilla
Young people can’t decide these things themselves."
Today I felt like I was in my own rendition of "The Fiddler on the Roof" and "Matchmaker" was my theme song.
It was Hell, pure Hell!
My aunt turned 90 and her birthday was this big celebration with the whole family. I smiled, acted my polite little self and covered my tattoo so I wouldn't have to hear how I'm not going to be buried on a Jewish cemetery. (This is a myth BTW.)
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm Jewish and so are the many relatives I had to put up with tonight.
Don't get me wrong, as the corny song says "I'm a Jew and I'm proud" but I have also lived in this community for all my life and some things get annoying very fast.
Allow me to illustrate. Here is my very twisted, real life and sad songfic of my evening: (Notice how I selected only the relevant parts of the lyrics)
_____________________
"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match,
find me a find, catch me a catch,"
I was sitting through the boring diner, thinking quietly about Gundam pilots in compromising situations, when the Rabbi showed up. He congratulated my aunt for her birthday and praised her many attributes as a good Jewish mother and wife.
"Bring me a ring for I'm longing to be the envy of all I see"
I'm not saying that that's bad at all but the woman is 90 years old and she has done many interesting things in her life besides being a mother and a wife (even if her descendants are 57 people with 2 great grandchild's and the third great great grandchild on the way - yes, a prolific family.)
"I promise you'll be happy, and even if you're not
there's more to life than that, don't ask me what."
Anyway, that's not the part that bothered me, after all the Rabbi wasn't talking to me and my aunt is a great mother, etc… The part that made me want to run as far as I could from my temporary Anatevka, was when the Rabbi turned to my grandfather and told him "May we see you on your grand daughter's matrimony".
"Chava I've found him you'll be a lucky bride,
he's handsome he's tall that is from side to side"
I used my hypocritical smile on the good Rabbi and tried to ignore the fact that he was waiting for me to nod. I've heard that many times and it doesn't affect me anymore but that 'blessing' was followed by another one to my mother, "May your daughter soon give a grandchild and a son in law."
Now, that one was new.
"you've heard about his temper, he'll beat you every night
but only when he's sober, so you're alright."
As if the humiliation wasn't enough, the people in the room (I'm not sure exactly who but If I ever find out I will hunt them down!) started telling me to say "Amen". Amen, the Hebrew word for "so be it"! I kept giving them my stupid fake smile as I silently but very firmly refused to accept the fate they were imposing on me.
"up to this minute I've misunderstood
that I could get stuck for good"
I'm 20 years old, what makes them think I want to get married?
I'm not a feminist but that notion that the best thing they can wish a woman is marriage and children is a little medieval. They are implying (be it intentional or not) that that's as high as we can or want to aspire. I have nothing against married women but I'm not the type.
"Matchmaker matchmaker plan me no plans "
I don't believe in marriage and I don't believe in love. I don't want to have children because I'm sure I wouldn't be a good mother and I know I'm too selfish to give a child what he or she deserves. I'm just not the type and I find it very stressing that my community just tries to make me fill the mold without caring if I want to or not.
I should become a hermit.
"so bring me no ring groom me no groom
find me no find catch me no catch"
________________________
That's why I hate family reunions... Now, to the mandatory Quiz thing...
A dreamer. You are the Faerie of the Moonlight. A
calm spirit who feels alone. You sometimes find
yourself crying, but can not figure out the
reason. You have a fear of being used. People
have hurt you, and you do not know if you can
trust them. You lose yourself in writing or
reading, a very creative faerie. People want to
be your friend, but you don't know if you want
to be theirs. Sometimes you classify yourself
as an outcast, but you try to be content with
your tears. At least you'll always have your
fantasies..
What's your inner Faerie?
brought to you by Quizilla