Fic: Outrun My Gun 6/7 (Supernatural; Dean/Castiel, NC-17)
Fic Title: Outrun My Gun ( Art Masterpost)
Author: misachan
Fandom/Genre: SPN, Drama, Romance, AU
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Warnings: Violence, language, character death
Word Count: 7636
Summary: "The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.
As it turned out, the best place to open a temporary entrance into hell was a run-down motel just outside Seaside Heights in Jersey. Dean watched Castiel finish the ritual and remembered a townie girl he'd known for a weekend a few years back, wondering if she'd known how right she'd been when she'd called this place "Motel Hell." "Jesus, Cas, can't you angels do anything without bleeding all over the place?" Castiel gave him a curious look and Dean realized that he probably didn't remember that. "When we were holed up in that motel after the fight. You made me put a thing on the door."
Castiel tilted his head. "I almost recall that." He blew out the candles he'd arranged on the floor and stood. "The portal will be ready at dawn."
Dean helped him sit back on the bed, alarmed at how winded he seemed. "You okay?"
Castiel's lips twitched up. "Opening a doorway to hell shouldn't be an easy task, Dean." He leaned his head against the wall and tried to catch his breath. "I'll recover shortly."
Dean saw his hand was shaking as he wiped the sweat from his face, and that didn't go away even after his breathing slowed. "Dude," Dean said, making sure Castiel knew he'd noticed. "You sure you're okay?"
Castiel stared at his hand as if it had betrayed him. "I suppose I'm a bit anxious."
Dean frowned. "You said you'd done this before. I thought round two would be old hat."
Castiel shook his head, letting out a harsh breath that was almost a laugh. "When I pulled y---" His eyes cut toward Dean and he wondered what Castiel had been about to say. "The last time I did this it was accompanied by forty years of siege. I had a full garrison at my back. I was stronger then. Fully connected," he said with that trace bitterness that was always in his voice when he spoke about Heaven. "And I've always suspected I was allowed to leave. The Righteous Man had already broken the first Seal and it suited Hell's purposes for him to be on Earth. Now I'm after a prize Hell wants dearly to keep." He drummed his fingers once against the bedspread. "This time is very different."
"There anything down there you can't take?"
He could see Castiel considering the question. "It's the numbers that concern me. I'll have to be undetected as long as possible." There was a look in his eyes that Dean didn't like at all. "The creature that rules the Pit is powerful. Alastair." He pronounced the word like it was profanity. "It didn't go well for me that last time we met." His lips curled up, a sharp, predatory expression. "I would like very much to kill Alastair."
"Good. You hold onto that, it'll help."
Castiel nodded. "Do you want me to restore you before I leave?"
That caught Dean by surprise. "What? I thought we had to do this first. Won't Michael and his little errand boy still be after me?"
Castiel just gave him a look. "You know what I'm saying, Dean."
And he'd heard the unspoken in case I don't come back. He just wasn't paying it any mind. "We do this right or we don't do it. Plenty of time to fix me up when you get back."
Castiel let out a frustrated breath. "Dean...."
"Plenty of time, Cas." He stared Castiel down, daring him to keep arguing. "You're not gonna get killed down there."
"They won't kill me," he said, shaking his head. "Although I'll wish they had."
Dean knew that if was any kind of a decent person he would call this off now. Come up with some other plan. Any plan that had an angel so scared he couldn't stop shaking was a bad plan. Castiel didn't owe him anything. Hell, the guy had gone pretty far out of his way for him already, Dean knew that. He knew what he should be saying. He just couldn't force the words out. "It's my dad, Cas."
Castiel tilted his head at Dean, surprise in his eyes. "Did you think I was denouncing you, Dean? That wasn't my intention. Quite the opposite, in fact." He ran one hand through his hair and let out a resigned sigh. "I shouldn't be burdening you with my weakness."
"Dude." Castiel glanced at him and Dean could see he'd actually meant that. "That has to be right up there with the stupidest things I've ever heard someone say. You just barely got over almost dying, this should freak you out." Dean shook his head. "Actually kind of like that you're freaked out," Dean admitted. "Makes you...I don't know. Less inhuman and creepy."
Castiel quirked an eyebrow at that but seemed to realize it was supposed to be a compliment. He settled back against the wall, his eyes distant. "Will you lie with me, Dean?"
Dean frowned again. "Will I...?" It took a second to realize what Castiel had just asked. "What?"
Castiel glanced at him, actually looking more nervous now than he had when talking about the possibility of going off to be tortured in hell. "The second time I faced Raphael it was very like this. There had been a long night of anticipation before a battle at dawn. It came out that I hadn't...." He trailed off, giving Dean a helpless look he didn't need any help decoding.
"Seriously? I mean...come on, you've been around a while, right?"
"Yes." He sounded sorry he'd even brought up the topic.
"And all that time you'd never....? I mean, there had to be one chick angel up there..."
"No. There wasn't." He let out a short, frustrated breath. "I was informed that was a deplorable state of affairs."
"Damn right it is. If I was alive I'd take you somewhere nice, make sure you got your cherry popped by a pro."
"I don't want to be taken anywhere," he insisted, as if he was terrified that Dean would find a way to do it anyway.
"Okay, okay, relax." Dean couldn't stop grinning, and he knew he should feel bad about that but just couldn't. The look on Castiel's face was hilarious. "Am I still even able to, um...lie with someone?"
"You still breathe even though there's no need to. That you appear clothed is merely as an extension of your will. There's no reason you couldn't, if you believed you could." He looked away, and Dean thought it was awesome that he was blushing. "You don't need to answer. I didn't voice what I'd actually wanted that night and have always regretted it. It didn't want to make the same mistake twice. Going into Hell with regrets is dangerous---"
Dean kissed him before he could even finish his sentence. Castiel's mouth was still open and Dean took full advantage, running his tongue along the inside of Castiel's lip until he felt him shiver. Dean wanted this. If he was honest with himself he'd wanted it since Castiel had first kissed him and looked at him like he was the only thing worth looking at in the world as Dean held him during that terrifying night. He'd tried to forget it, telling himself that Castiel hadn't known what he'd been doing but it had lurked in the back of his mind ever since, whispering what if into his ear. He'd even tried to justify it by telling himself that he just craved being touched again, even though he wasn't quite good enough a liar to convince himself that he didn't want Castiel to be the one doing the touching. He deepened the kiss, remembering the fear washing through him when he'd watched Raphael stab him and realized he didn't know when he'd started to want this.
He finally pulled back, running his thumb along the faint scar along Castiel's jawline. He'd never actually kissed a guy before but it wasn't all that different, all things considered. The stubble was different. Dean actually liked that. He heard Castiel whisper his name, the vibration of the word rumbling through his chest. "I didn't expect...."
"Hey. You're about to go pull my dad out of hell. Least I can do."
He felt Castiel go stiff, his expression turning sour. "I don't want you to do this out of duty...."
Dean pressed one hand over Castiel's mouth. "Cas. Shut up." Dean kissed him again, taking it slow this time, and he felt Castiel gradually relax into it, one hand reaching up to curl around his neck. Dean moved to straddle his lap, easing the coat down off his shoulders and starting to undo his tie. When that was done he pressed Castiel down onto the bed, already thinking of a list of things he'd like to get up to with that tie. Maybe next time.
It was actually pretty nice, being able to kiss someone and not having to come up for air. Castiel was getting the hang of it, too, figuring out what he was supposed to be doing with his tongue and Dean realized he'd never wanted anything the way he wanted Castiel's tongue down his throat. He sucked on Castiel's lip and felt him moan with surprise, already arching under Dean. Dean started unbuttoning his shirt and Castiel pulled back. "I can make this go faster," he whispered, already a little out of breath. "I can---"
Dean kissed him again to cut that off. "Cas, you're not the first virgin I've deflowered, okay? I know what I'm doing. This is part of it, trust me." As if to put an exclamation point on that Dean finished unbuttoning the shirt and trailed one hand down that pale, suddenly exposed skin. Dean tugged off his own shirt and kissed his way back up Castiel's torso, feeling Castiel's stomach tremble under his lips.
Castiel touched his left shoulder, tracing something Dean couldn't see. "Cas?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing. It told you, you look different in the future."
"What does that mean? Am I going to have scars or something?"
Castiel kissed him instead of answering and he was definitely getting the hand of this. "It doesn't matter anymore."
Dean could already tell he was hard. "I'm gonna take it slow," he said, meeting Castiel's eyes. "You let me know if I do something you like, okay?"
Castiel nodded, sighing with surprise and pleasure when Dean licked around the curve of his collarbone. "That," he whispered. "I like that."
Dean grinned. "Good." He moved on to Castiel's neck, licking along the hollow of his throat, kissing his way up his neck and sucking just hard enough to leave a bruise Dean knew would heal almost instantly. He could tell by the little fluttering sighs Castiel let out that he was liking that, too. Castiel had already started tracing his fingers along Dean's spine, pressing up against him; he felt Castiel slide his hand past his waistband and couldn't hold back his groan. "Said I was taking it slow, Cas."
"I'm not very patient," Castiel answered, an unmistakable smirk on his face.
Dean just kissed him again, which he supposed wasn't a very good punishment. He finally pulled the shirt and suit jacket all the way off and tossed them to the floor, then traced one finger along the long white scar down Castiel's chest, feeling him shiver. "It hurt when I touch it?"
Castiel shook his head, his eyes wide. "No. It...I don't know how to describe it."
Dean licked along the edges of the scar and Castiel whimpered, his nails digging into Dean's back. Dean moved to kissing the scar, then finally sucking hard until Castiel moaned, his whole body jerking up under Dean. Dean grinned and started in on Castiel's belt, rapidly losing interest in taking things slow. Within seconds all the clothes were on the floor and Dean pressed himself against Castiel, not realizing until that moment how much he'd missed this. Castiel's lips were wet and shining in the room's dim light when Dean kissed him again, his mouth hot and open as his tongue slid over Dean's. Castiel pressed his thigh up between Dean's legs and Dean wondered how he'd known that was exactly what he'd wanted just then. He worked his way back down Castiel's body, savoring each twitch and moan and sigh of pleasure. He liked the way Castiel would jump with surprise when Dean hit a sensitive spot, his lips curling up in wonder.
If Dean hadn't already been so hard he ached the sound Castiel made when Dean touched his cock would have been more than enough. Dean licked his way up Castiel's shaft, thinking about everything he liked being done to him and hardly able to choose what to do first. Finally he decided to just take Castiel as deep as he could and go from there, and the way Castiel moaned when he did that made Dean wish he had a lot more practice. He'd always thought this wouldn't be as much fun from the other side but being able to take Castiel apart like this with just a flick of his tongue was like taking a shot of pure adrenaline. He was pretty sure he could come just from this if he let himself.
Dean finally picked his head up, ignoring Castiel's groan of dismay. "Turn over," he said, surprised he could still form words. "It'll be easier if you turn over."
Castiel followed the command, stretching out on his stomach. "Fuck, Cas, you're still all tense. You gotta relax," he said, running his hands down Castiel's spine. He straddled Castiel's hips and started massaging knots out of the stiff muscles. "It's not gonna be fun if you don't relax." Dean felt him sigh, his body slowly going loose and pliant under Dean's hands. He let out a little gasp when Dean hit a sensitive spot on his back, just under his his shoulders. There was a similar spot on the other opposite side and Dean couldn't help wondering. "Hey, Cas?"
"Mhmmm?"
"Do you have wings? Real ones, I mean?"
"Of course," Castiel said, slurring just a bit, like he was pleasantly drunk. "You've seen them. Their shadows, at least."
"Could I see them for real? Not just shadows?"
Castiel shook his head, sighing as Dean kneaded his fingers into the small of his back. "I don't think so. Part of...true form," he said, arching his back into the touch. He'd begun rocking his hips, the slight little movements rapidly taking away Dean's ability to think. "Don't know...how to manifest." Dean saw him clench his hands into the blanket. "Dean, please."
Dean didn't need any more encouragement than that. He moved backward, angling Castiel's hips up. He licked one finger and inserted it slowly, easier than Dean would have expected; Castiel was already slick, and Dean didn't know whether being his being a ghost or angel mojo was to thank for that. It was an awesome side bonus, wherever it came from. Castiel moaned when Dean inserted a second finger, already starting to writhe. Dean knew he should stretch him some more, take a little more time but he just couldn't; he positioned himself behind Castiel and pressed himself forward inch by slow inch. Castiel moaned from the first second, propping himself up on his elbows with his head bowed. Dean licked up his spine as he began to move and heard Castiel murmuring under his breath in his harsh language. He urged Dean on faster and harder almost before Dean could collect himself and Dean was more than happy to oblige him. He finally stopped holding back and just lost himself in the heat and tightness surrounding him, the way Castiel's hips bucked against him and pushed him closer to the edge with each movement. Dean wrapped his hand back around Castiel's cock and felt him shudder; Castiel sobbed out Dean's name and Dean squeezed his eyes shut. It was all he could to not come right there. Dean pressed his face against Castiel's back and fucked him hard; he almost sobbed himself when he felt that first tight contraction. Castiel shuddered again, harder this time and let out a soft, almost surprised whimper; Dean felt that hot wetness spread over his hand and the room was suddenly full of light. Before Dean could open his eyes to find out what the hell that was his own orgasm shook through him and he forgot little things like words and thoughts and questions.
He collapsed next to Castiel and wrapped his arms around him. "How about that, Cas?" he said when he remembered how language worked. "Worth waiting however many centuries for?"
Castiel pressed back against him, loose and sweat-soaked and Dean didn't ever want to stop touching him. "I liked all of that very much, Dean."
Dean nuzzled his ear. "Good." Castiel turned over and kissed Dean, as if just facing the opposite direction was too far away. Dean traced his fingers through Castiel's messy hair, drunk on the feeling of an angel sighing happily against him. "When I'm back in my body we should do that for real."
He actually felt Castiel frown. "This is real."
"That's not what I mean, don't get mushy." Dean pulled him closer. "I just meant we should do this when we both have bodies. See if it's different." He kissed Castiel's forehead. "Messier, probably."
Castiel propped himself on one elbow and trailed his fingertips over Dean's lips. "May I ask an indulgence?"
"Cas, man, right now you can seriously ask me anything."
That was the closest Dean had seen him come yet to a real, human smile. "If this is going to be my only chance..."
"Don't talk like that."
"Dean." Castiel looked at him and suddenly Dean could see his age in his eyes, those thousands of years spreading out behind him. Years that might end at dawn. "One of us should be pragmatic."
Dean nodded. "Sure, Cas. Like I said, you can ask me anything."
Castiel kissed him and Dean thought about what a waste it was that they hadn't been doing this the whole time. "I would like to know...." He sighed. "I don't know the right way to put this."
"Just say it. I'm not exactly easy to scandalize."
Castiel ran his tongue over his lips as he searched for the right words and Dean didn't know how that managed to be so hot. "I would like to be inside you. I want to know what that feels like."
Dean felt heat rush through his body. "Shit, Cas. You definitely found the right way to put that." He kissed Castiel again. "Give me a little bit, okay? I'm not sixteen anymore."
Castiel actually chuckled at that. "Dean, you're not bound by bodily limitations."
"Really?"
As if to prove his point Castiel reached down and stroked those long fingers up Dean's cock and Dean didn't think he'd ever gotten so hard so fast. It was the first time he was actually happy to be dead. "So do I have your permission? I believe I have a grasp on the mechanics now."
Castiel's eyes were so blue. Dean wondered how Castiel could possibly look at him like that, as if he thought Dean would actually say no. "Cas, you can do anything you want to me."
"That would take much longer than one night," Castiel murmured, and if Dean hadn't been hard before he sure as hell was now. "I would like to be able to see you, if I can."
"Shouldn't be a problem. I'm pretty flexible." He turned over on his back as the angel knelt over him. "How do you want to....
Castiel kissed him hard before he could finish his sentence. "I've put quite a lot of thought into this," he whispered, and Dean didn't think anything had ever turned him on like hearing that. Castiel kissed across his brow, brushed his lips against Dean's closed eyelids, sucked on Dean's lip until Dean moaned. Dean thought he'd taken it slow but it was nothing compared to Castiel now; it was like he couldn't bear to leave any inch of Dean's skin untouched. Dean shivered as Castiel kissed his palm, his tongue tracing along Dean's lifeline. "Cas," he breathed as he felt Castiel's lips brush against his wrist. Castiel made a soft, contented little humming sound and kept working Dean over, his eyes never leaving Dean's face. No one had ever touched Dean like this before. The word that kept floating to the front of his mind was worship.
Castiel finished working his way down Dean's body and traced his fingertips up Dean's cock again. "I liked when you did this," he murmured, then before Dean's addled mind could catch up with what was about to happen Castiel deep throated him. Dean felt his head snap back as his whole body almost jumped off the bed. "Fuck, Cas. Fuck, fuck, fuck." Castiel made that little humming sound again and that vibration ripped away any lingering language skills; all Dean could let out were increasingly desperate moans as his mind threw out thoughts like angel and gag reflex and don't stop don't stop.
"Cas," he finally croaked out. "Keep that up and you're...." Castiel sucked hard and Dean couldn't talk for a few seconds. "Not gonna be able to fuck me."
"Yes, I will," Castiel murmured, picking his head up for a moment, that evil smirk back on his face. He went back to work and Dean tossed on the bed. He wasn't at all sure he'd be able to take that, no matter what Castiel had said about no limitations.
Castiel finally did stop a few seconds later, showing Dean a little mercy. "No way you've never done that before."
Dean saw his lips curl up at the compliment. "You set a good example."
He moaned again when he felt the head of Castiel's cock press against him. He'd been pegged by a couple of girls over the years (Dean pretty much never said no to anything someone wanted to do in bed) but this was different, Cas was so warm against him and he was already so close.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Dean," Castiel said, and Dean hadn't even realized he'd been bracing until he spoke.
"Usually hurts a little bit," he gasped. "That's okay. Worth it."
Castiel pressed two fingers against his lips. "I am not going to hurt you."
Dean could only nod and force himself to relax as Castiel trailed his hand back down his body. Then Castiel let out a harsh, deep groan, like he couldn't hold himself back anymore; he pressed back against Dean and slid inside with one smooth motion, as easily as if they'd put in hours of prep. And he'd been right, there wasn't any pain, just that indescribable feeling of being stretched and full and if Castiel didn't start moving in the next five seconds Dean thought he was going to explode. Castiel was full-on shaking, his head bowed over Dean as he tried to collect himself. "Feels pretty awesome, huh?" Dean said, trailing his hands through Castiel's hair. Castiel just nodded and let out a soft whimper; Dean propped himself up as far as he could and kissed him, drawing out another deep-in-his throat groan.
Castiel started to move, slow at first but going to rough and fast in seconds and Dean fell back on the bed, glad he didn't actually have to breathe because there was no way he would have been capable of it just then. Castiel shifted position slightly, leaning further over Dean and managed to hit a spot that made Dean see stars. "Holy fuck, Cas, just like that."
Castiel growled and picked Dean right up off the bed like he weighed nothing (and in fairness he did weigh nothing at the moment, but Dean knew it wouldn't have mattered if he'd been flesh and bone) and pressed him up against the wall. Dean had never been with anyone who could manhandle him and he'd never imagined it could turn him on this much. All Dean could do was hold on; he could feel that Castiel was already almost right there and Dean made sure to keep his eyes open. Castiel shook again, that deep, fine tremor that said he was seconds away. "Dean," he whispered, his eyes so wide Dean could see himself in them.
"Come for me, Cas," Dean whispered back, grabbing a handful of Castiel's hair. "Right now. Don't make me wait." Castiel let out another whimper and pressed Dean harder against the wall, his eyes shut tight. He moaned Dean's name as the climax shuddered through him, even harder than the first one, and the room filled with light again.
And this time Dean could see why. Hanging in the air behind Castiel was an image of enormous wings, delicate and glowing like they'd been traced there in gold. Dean felt the beauty of those wings sear into his mind; there was something haunting about them, something secret, power hiding behind that filigree of golden light. He'd never understood what holy really meant until that moment. He couldn't stop himself from reaching for them; that touch lasted less than a second and was still enough to send him rocking back as energy rushed through him. It was like the wings had reached back for him in that split second.
He shut his eyes as the wings flickered out and kissed Castiel, his tongue as far down Castiel's throat as he could get as his own orgasm shook him to pieces. He didn't know it was possible to come so hard; he didn't remember Castiel laying him back on the bed, only that the next thing he knew they were lying down and Castiel was wrapped around him, murmuring his name in his ear. "I don't think I can do that again today, Cas."
Castiel let out that faint chuckle again and wrapped him up tighter. "I don't think I can, either." He lay on his back and pulled Dean on top of him.
"Why'm I sleepy?" he asked. "'m dead. Shouldn't be sleepy."
"Because you expect to be."
Dean shook his head. "You're doing this, right? You're making me sleepy."
He felt Castiel's fingers trail through his hair. "I may be helping it along."
"Don't go," Dean said. The thought that Castiel would be gone in a few hours suddenly filled him with panic. "We'll figure something else out."
Castiel just kept stroking his hair. "You won't feel that way come dawn."
Dean was ashamed that he knew that was true. "I feel that way now."
"I know."
"Let me come with you, then. I can help." Dean knew he sounded like a petulant kid but didn't care.
"No." Castiel tipped Dean's chin up so Dean was looking in his eyes. "I don't want you to ever go to Hell, Dean. I don't want that place to touch you." There was an undercurrent to the words Dean didn't understand. "Promise me that whatever happens you won't try to follow me."
"But...."
"Promise."
There was real fear deep in Castiel's eyes, worse than anything Dean had seen when he'd been talking about going to Hell himself. "Okay. Okay, I promise," he said, snuggling back against him. Although not snuggling, because Dean Winchester didn't snuggle. He'd think of a manlier word later when his brain started working again. "I want to help."
Castiel's lips were warm against his forehead. "You've given me everything I need, Dean." When Dean tried to speak again Castiel shushed him. "Sleep."
And despite fully intending to argue some more, Dean did.
***
When Dean opened his eyes again he saw he was alone in the room. The faint tinge of sulfur hung in the air, telling Dean that the portal had worked; he blinked and found himself clothed again, which he guessed was one of the better side benefits of ghostdom. He settled back and waited.
It wasn't long before anxiety began to claw at Dean's stomach; Castiel could time travel. He'd done it to save Dean from that Reaper in the first place and Dean knew there shouldn't have been a wait.
Dean started to pace the room, the lack of any other outlets just making the shakes worse. Normally he could take his car out or clean his guns or do any other thousands of things to keep his mind occupied. Now all there was to do was pace and worry and imagine everything that could have gone wrong.
Castiel had told him that time worked different in Hell; Dean wondered at the ratio, if one minute here meant an hour there. He'd said that John had been there for one hundred years by the time he'd busted out but by Dean's guess he shouldn't have been gone a year yet. Dean's grasp of time passing was slippery enough that he knew Castiel could have been there for days already. Maybe even months. He'd said that if the demons caught him he'd wish he was dead. Dean tried to keep the image of Castiel screaming in pain out of his mind. Screaming for days, with demons like Yellow-Eyes putting their filthy hands on him. He remembered Castiel's eyes when Raphael had stabbed him and imagined him feeling that kind of pain every second. Forever.
For the first time Dean could remember he was tempted to pray. He knew Sam would laugh if he could see him now.
He knew praying wouldn't do any good. Dean didn't really know the particulars of why, but Heaven and God had turned their backs on Castiel. Hell, from what Dean had seen of angels they seemed a lot more likely to join in.
So Dean turned to the one person he would always put money on if it came to a fist fight with God. "Dad?" he whispered. "Dad, I know you've got your hands full but I need a favor. You know I never ask for a whole lot."
He leaned his head back against the wall. "I've got the cavalry coming for you down there but you two might have to help each other. You'll know him when you see him, trust me, and when you do I need you to go with him. Don't do your bullshit thing of not letting anyone help, okay? I know you think you went there for a good reason but it's time to leave. The world might literally fucking end if you don't."
He tried to push back the memory of how hard Castiel had been shaking after casting the ritual. "The thing is, he's been gone a long time, and I'm just...I'm getting a little worried. They're gonna hurt him bad if they catch him, probably worse than whatever they've been up to with you. I...." Dean couldn't force the words out. He couldn't even really examine what he'd been about to say too closely. "It's important, Dad," Dean finally said. "I...I really just need him to come back."
Dean shook his head. He wasn't a little kid anymore and good things didn't happen just because he wanted them to really hard.
The motel started to shake. Dean staggered back as crack formed in the floor, not any wider than a hair. Noxious smoke - not demonic smoke, to his relief - poured from the crack as it widened; the room flooded with red light that made Dean want to curl up into a ball so it couldn't touch him. Screams poured from the crack, howls of agony that made Dean shake. "C'mon, Cas. C'mon," Dean said, his hands curled into fists. A clawed hand reached over the edge of the crack and Dean focused on it, forcing it back until whatever it belonged to fell back shrieking into the crack. "Cas, you hurry up!"
Then to his horror the crack started to close. Dean rushed to the edge, only stopping himself from from jumping in by remembering the promise Castiel had forced out of him. Instead he lay on the floor and reached one arm in as far as it could go. "Cas!" he shouted. "You son of a bitch, get up here now!"
The crack was almost closed when Dean felt something brush his hand. Dean didn't have time to check what it was, he just got the best grip he could and pulled.
One second later the crack was closed and Dean had his arms full of trenchcoated angel. Dean staggered backward as Castiel kissed him; he was so hot Dean could barely hold on to him, almost like he'd just been on fire. Dean pulled back and took a good look at him, realizing his clothes were shredded and bloody. "You okay?"
Castiel nodded. "Yes. Overcome by irony." He kissed Dean again, gently this time. "I'll be back shortly." He disappeared in a flutter of wings, leaving Dean to wonder what the hell had just happened.
He returned a few minutes later, gone just long enough for Dean to start worrying again. Dean watched him drop down on the bed, looking exhausted and, frankly, a little frustrated. "It's done. Your father should be entering Heaven as we speak."
"How?" Dean asked, settling down beside him. "I thought you and Heaven weren't on speaking terms."
"We're not. That's not true of all of my brothers." He glanced at Dean. "The last time I met one of my eldest brothers he...had some fun with me," he said, his lips curling with distaste. "He owed me for that and I called in the favor."
"Can we trust this guy?"
Castiel sighed. "Normally I might say no but I don't think there's anyone who wants the Apocalypse to happen less than him. He's having too much fun."
Dean quirked an eyebrow. "You sure you two are related?"
"I wonder sometimes."
Dean rubbed his back. "It would be nice to meet one of your brothers who wasn't raging dick."
"Oh, you've met him. And I don't think he would meet that criteria anyway."
"So we're done? You can do your thing and bring me back to life?"
Castiel nodded, his eyes solemn. "Yes. If you would allow me one more indulgence."
Dean grinned. "Dude, we can do that when I wake up."
"I didn't mean that," Castiel said, shaking his head. "I would like to make a stop first."
"Sure, Cas. Wherever you want." Dean felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder and heard the sound of wings.
***
It took Dean a second to realize where they were. "Is this Lawrence?"
"Yes. About eight years before you were born."
"Why?"
"I just realized there was still minor loose end that needed tying." He glanced over at Dean, a glint in his eyes Dean liked. "Your father needs to buy a car."
A few seconds later they were spying on John Winchester being slick talked by a car salesman in a bad jacket. It was messing with Dean to know his father had ever been this young. When he saw his dad get into a hideous seventies van Dean swore. "Dude. That's my car sitting right there, we can't let my dad walk off with that piece of shit van."
Castiel tilted his head at him. "So do something about it."
Just as his father turned over the ignition Dean focused; there was an audible bang and smoke poured out from under the hood. Dean saw John jump out of the van and start shouting at the salesman, then Dean grinned when he saw the salesman turn around in a panic and point at the Impala. "I think history's back on course, Cas."
Castiel stared at John and the nameless salesman discussing terms over what would someday be Dean's car, an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm glad I remembered this incident," he said, almost to himself. "I can hardly imagine you without your vehicle."
Something in his voice rang an alarm bell for Dean. "What do you mean? I thought this is why we came here."
Castiel was silent long enough that Dean felt genuine worry creep through him. "I would like to go somewhere quiet," he said, his hand on Dean's shoulder.
***
Dean blinked and the two of them were standing in a field, the only beings around for what seemed like miles. He felt memories drift up from his subconscious, ones he thought he'd long since forgotten. "I remember this place now. Me and mom used to go on picnics out here. This was where she told me I was going to have a brother. I was so mad. I wanted a dog."
Castiel nodded. "I saw in your mind that this place held pleasant memories for you."
"What's going on, Cas? You're starting to freak me out."
"Very soon now Mary Campbell is going to make a deal, one that will decide the fate of your family. The deal that will link Azazel to the Winchesters." He narrowed his eyes at Dean. "Aren't you going to ask me to stop her?"
Dean stared up at the sky. He wished there were stars, something better than the dark gray clouds above them. "Not this time." He saw Castiel tilt his head. "I saw what happens if my mom doesn't die, if none of that ever happened. She's with dad now, that's gotta be better than anything down here. And if it's not, I'm pretty sure my dad will make sure it gets there." The wind picked up, billowing out Castiel's coat as the first drops of rain began to fall. "Why is it always raining?"
Castiel stared up at the sky, letting the rain fall on his face. "I suppose it's only fitting."
"What's this about, Cas?"
"This is where everything began for you, Dean. I thought it would be a fitting place to say goodbye."
"What do you mean, 'goodbye,'? You said you were going to put me back in my body."
"I am."
"So, what? Are you taking off? Where the hell are you going?"
Dean saw a very faint, phantom smile. "I'm going nowhere. Quite literally." He tilted his head and Dean felt those laser eyes look right through him. "Dean, we broke time. Did you really think there wouldn't be consequences?"
It was too quiet. "What do you mean? What's happening to you?"
"We created enough paradoxes that the planet should be hurtling toward the sun. It takes a lot of energy to counteract that." He saw that faint smile again, something bleak in it this time. "There's a lot of energy in an angel's Grace."
"No." Thunder cracked and Dean knew he'd caused it. "That's not gonna happen. You're gonna wake me up and the three of us are going after Yellow-Eyes."
"Dean, don't make this any harder."
"I'm not just gonna let you die, Cas."
"I'm not dying, Dean." The rain started to come down hard, plastering Castiel's hair down to his face. Dean had a sudden flashback to the night they'd met. "When I restore you this new timeline will snap into place and I've had too direct a hand in creating it. I'll have never existed."
"Bullshit."
"It's going to happen whether or not you approve, Dean."
"How soon did you know this would happen?"
Castiel's brow furrowed. "I did tell you I knew how far I could go."
"That was...." So much had happened since that argument over Cold Oak Dean had completely forgotten about it. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would it have changed anything if I had? Would you have decided to sacrifice Sam? Would you have left your father in the Pit?"
"I...."
Castiel kissed him, his hands tight fists around Dean's jacket. There was absolution in that kiss and Dean didn't want any part of it. He didn't deserve any part of it. "It would only have grieved you and I didn't see any reason for that."
"Cas, I didn't want this. You've gotta exist."
Thunder cracked loud above them. "Dean, do you know one of the words for a gathering of angels?" Dean shook his head. "A plague. Michael and the rest of the Host won't try such a risk-laden plan again, not when this one could have cost them everything. The circumstances to produce an Apocalypse won't fall into place again for five hundred, even one thousand years. Perhaps longer. Perhaps long enough that our Father will return." He was shaking now, his eyes bright as the words poured out of him. "Angels won't walk the Earth again for centuries. Whatever harm lies in front of you and Sam, I can have the peace of knowing my brothers' machinations won't be behind it." He kissed Dean again. "I like kissing," he murmured. "I wish I could have known that sooner."
"Forget all this and we won't have to stop, Cas. We need you. Yellow-Eyes is still out there."
"If he pursues you again it will be purely out of spite. He needs to rebuild everything now. And you killed him without me before." He stroked his fingers down Dean's cheek. "You'll never have to face the Seven, or the Horsemen. You won't know the growl of a Hellhound unless you choose to hunt one. Ruby and Lilith and Alastair will only ever be names to you. I can welcome my fate if it buys you that."
He placed his hand against Dean's left shoulder. "You asked me once if you had scars in the future and I didn't answer. You do. They're just not ones you could see. I erased the ones on your flesh because healing the important scars was beyond my power." He kissed Dean, a long, slow, lingering kiss. "Your soul is so bright, Dean. You can't see it but I can. Sometimes it's all I can do to look at you. The Reaper almost caught you on that road because when I first saw you all I could do was stare. I didn't know your soul was supposed to be so bright." Castiel shook his head. "You deserve to be saved, Dean."
"Cas." Dean kissed him hard. "Cas, so do you."
Castiel tilted his head again, letting out a soft, scoffing laugh. "Dean, I love you more than I love God." He said that as if it was the plainest fact in the universe. "I shouldn't be capable of that. I turned against Heaven at your word. I destroyed time because you asked me to." He looked up at the sky. "I'm...flawed. Something went wrong in my creation. I shouldn't exist."
"That's complete bullshit."
"Do you know how many of my brothers and sisters I've killed? I used to and don't any more, they've been hunting me for so long." Dean saw a flash of buried horror in his eyes. "I was within an arm's length of Lucifer, once. He called me a 'peculiar thing.' Lucifer."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"It means everything."
Dean grabbed Castiel by his coat. "This doesn't make sense. This happened, I was here. I'll know you existed, I'll remember this."
"Dean, you've been asleep for a very long time. It's time to wake up. When you do this will seem like a dream. And before very long it will fade like a dream."
"No," Dean said, shaking his head. "No, that won't happen. I won't just forget you, Cas."
Castiel pulled Dean close, his hand against Dean's chest as he kissed him again. He tasted like rain and lightning. "Yes, Dean," he said, his hand starting to glow. "You will."
Dean lurched awake, gasping for air in an unfamiliar room. He felt a tube down his throat and a mask over his face, so many other tubes and wires going in and out of him that he didn't even know where to start removing them. Hospital, he remembered.
He heard a scream followed by a metallic clatter and turned his head as much as he could; a girl in a candy striper uniform was staring at him with her hand over her mouth, her tray full of supplies scattered all over the floor. Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to the bed. "I've gotta get the nurse," she stammered, the surprise and panic in her voice making Dean wonder if they'd moved him to some kind of lost causes ward. He couldn't talk and made a gesture he hoped she understood. "You...you want something to write with?"
If Dean had been breathing on his own he would have sighed with relief. He nodded and she searched her pockets, coming up with a spiral pad and a pen. He motioned for her to hold the pad and scrawled the word brother across the first page. "You want your brother?" she said, and Dean nodded again. "Right, right, I remember him, he's tall and scary. The nurses will call him." He turned the pad over and wrote book across the next blank page. "I don't...you want something to read? I don't think you should be...?"
Dean shook his head and wrote the wrote the word blank. "Oh. You mean...what, like a notebook?"
Dean nodded again, too tired to keep going. "Okay, okay, I'll tell the nurse. I promise." Dean let her go and she raced out of the room, the mess on the floor completely forgotten.
Dean lay back and wondered how long it would take Sam to get there. Then he spent the rest of the time thinking about angels with blue eyes and soft rasping voices, about wings drawn in gold and the rain on the road at night.
He wouldn't forget. He wouldn't.
On to Part 7
Return to Masterpost
Back to Part 5
Author: misachan
Fandom/Genre: SPN, Drama, Romance, AU
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Warnings: Violence, language, character death
Word Count: 7636
Summary: "The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.
As it turned out, the best place to open a temporary entrance into hell was a run-down motel just outside Seaside Heights in Jersey. Dean watched Castiel finish the ritual and remembered a townie girl he'd known for a weekend a few years back, wondering if she'd known how right she'd been when she'd called this place "Motel Hell." "Jesus, Cas, can't you angels do anything without bleeding all over the place?" Castiel gave him a curious look and Dean realized that he probably didn't remember that. "When we were holed up in that motel after the fight. You made me put a thing on the door."
Castiel tilted his head. "I almost recall that." He blew out the candles he'd arranged on the floor and stood. "The portal will be ready at dawn."
Dean helped him sit back on the bed, alarmed at how winded he seemed. "You okay?"
Castiel's lips twitched up. "Opening a doorway to hell shouldn't be an easy task, Dean." He leaned his head against the wall and tried to catch his breath. "I'll recover shortly."
Dean saw his hand was shaking as he wiped the sweat from his face, and that didn't go away even after his breathing slowed. "Dude," Dean said, making sure Castiel knew he'd noticed. "You sure you're okay?"
Castiel stared at his hand as if it had betrayed him. "I suppose I'm a bit anxious."
Dean frowned. "You said you'd done this before. I thought round two would be old hat."
Castiel shook his head, letting out a harsh breath that was almost a laugh. "When I pulled y---" His eyes cut toward Dean and he wondered what Castiel had been about to say. "The last time I did this it was accompanied by forty years of siege. I had a full garrison at my back. I was stronger then. Fully connected," he said with that trace bitterness that was always in his voice when he spoke about Heaven. "And I've always suspected I was allowed to leave. The Righteous Man had already broken the first Seal and it suited Hell's purposes for him to be on Earth. Now I'm after a prize Hell wants dearly to keep." He drummed his fingers once against the bedspread. "This time is very different."
"There anything down there you can't take?"
He could see Castiel considering the question. "It's the numbers that concern me. I'll have to be undetected as long as possible." There was a look in his eyes that Dean didn't like at all. "The creature that rules the Pit is powerful. Alastair." He pronounced the word like it was profanity. "It didn't go well for me that last time we met." His lips curled up, a sharp, predatory expression. "I would like very much to kill Alastair."
"Good. You hold onto that, it'll help."
Castiel nodded. "Do you want me to restore you before I leave?"
That caught Dean by surprise. "What? I thought we had to do this first. Won't Michael and his little errand boy still be after me?"
Castiel just gave him a look. "You know what I'm saying, Dean."
And he'd heard the unspoken in case I don't come back. He just wasn't paying it any mind. "We do this right or we don't do it. Plenty of time to fix me up when you get back."
Castiel let out a frustrated breath. "Dean...."
"Plenty of time, Cas." He stared Castiel down, daring him to keep arguing. "You're not gonna get killed down there."
"They won't kill me," he said, shaking his head. "Although I'll wish they had."
Dean knew that if was any kind of a decent person he would call this off now. Come up with some other plan. Any plan that had an angel so scared he couldn't stop shaking was a bad plan. Castiel didn't owe him anything. Hell, the guy had gone pretty far out of his way for him already, Dean knew that. He knew what he should be saying. He just couldn't force the words out. "It's my dad, Cas."
Castiel tilted his head at Dean, surprise in his eyes. "Did you think I was denouncing you, Dean? That wasn't my intention. Quite the opposite, in fact." He ran one hand through his hair and let out a resigned sigh. "I shouldn't be burdening you with my weakness."
"Dude." Castiel glanced at him and Dean could see he'd actually meant that. "That has to be right up there with the stupidest things I've ever heard someone say. You just barely got over almost dying, this should freak you out." Dean shook his head. "Actually kind of like that you're freaked out," Dean admitted. "Makes you...I don't know. Less inhuman and creepy."
Castiel quirked an eyebrow at that but seemed to realize it was supposed to be a compliment. He settled back against the wall, his eyes distant. "Will you lie with me, Dean?"
Dean frowned again. "Will I...?" It took a second to realize what Castiel had just asked. "What?"
Castiel glanced at him, actually looking more nervous now than he had when talking about the possibility of going off to be tortured in hell. "The second time I faced Raphael it was very like this. There had been a long night of anticipation before a battle at dawn. It came out that I hadn't...." He trailed off, giving Dean a helpless look he didn't need any help decoding.
"Seriously? I mean...come on, you've been around a while, right?"
"Yes." He sounded sorry he'd even brought up the topic.
"And all that time you'd never....? I mean, there had to be one chick angel up there..."
"No. There wasn't." He let out a short, frustrated breath. "I was informed that was a deplorable state of affairs."
"Damn right it is. If I was alive I'd take you somewhere nice, make sure you got your cherry popped by a pro."
"I don't want to be taken anywhere," he insisted, as if he was terrified that Dean would find a way to do it anyway.
"Okay, okay, relax." Dean couldn't stop grinning, and he knew he should feel bad about that but just couldn't. The look on Castiel's face was hilarious. "Am I still even able to, um...lie with someone?"
"You still breathe even though there's no need to. That you appear clothed is merely as an extension of your will. There's no reason you couldn't, if you believed you could." He looked away, and Dean thought it was awesome that he was blushing. "You don't need to answer. I didn't voice what I'd actually wanted that night and have always regretted it. It didn't want to make the same mistake twice. Going into Hell with regrets is dangerous---"
Dean kissed him before he could even finish his sentence. Castiel's mouth was still open and Dean took full advantage, running his tongue along the inside of Castiel's lip until he felt him shiver. Dean wanted this. If he was honest with himself he'd wanted it since Castiel had first kissed him and looked at him like he was the only thing worth looking at in the world as Dean held him during that terrifying night. He'd tried to forget it, telling himself that Castiel hadn't known what he'd been doing but it had lurked in the back of his mind ever since, whispering what if into his ear. He'd even tried to justify it by telling himself that he just craved being touched again, even though he wasn't quite good enough a liar to convince himself that he didn't want Castiel to be the one doing the touching. He deepened the kiss, remembering the fear washing through him when he'd watched Raphael stab him and realized he didn't know when he'd started to want this.
He finally pulled back, running his thumb along the faint scar along Castiel's jawline. He'd never actually kissed a guy before but it wasn't all that different, all things considered. The stubble was different. Dean actually liked that. He heard Castiel whisper his name, the vibration of the word rumbling through his chest. "I didn't expect...."
"Hey. You're about to go pull my dad out of hell. Least I can do."
He felt Castiel go stiff, his expression turning sour. "I don't want you to do this out of duty...."
Dean pressed one hand over Castiel's mouth. "Cas. Shut up." Dean kissed him again, taking it slow this time, and he felt Castiel gradually relax into it, one hand reaching up to curl around his neck. Dean moved to straddle his lap, easing the coat down off his shoulders and starting to undo his tie. When that was done he pressed Castiel down onto the bed, already thinking of a list of things he'd like to get up to with that tie. Maybe next time.
It was actually pretty nice, being able to kiss someone and not having to come up for air. Castiel was getting the hang of it, too, figuring out what he was supposed to be doing with his tongue and Dean realized he'd never wanted anything the way he wanted Castiel's tongue down his throat. He sucked on Castiel's lip and felt him moan with surprise, already arching under Dean. Dean started unbuttoning his shirt and Castiel pulled back. "I can make this go faster," he whispered, already a little out of breath. "I can---"
Dean kissed him again to cut that off. "Cas, you're not the first virgin I've deflowered, okay? I know what I'm doing. This is part of it, trust me." As if to put an exclamation point on that Dean finished unbuttoning the shirt and trailed one hand down that pale, suddenly exposed skin. Dean tugged off his own shirt and kissed his way back up Castiel's torso, feeling Castiel's stomach tremble under his lips.
Castiel touched his left shoulder, tracing something Dean couldn't see. "Cas?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing. It told you, you look different in the future."
"What does that mean? Am I going to have scars or something?"
Castiel kissed him instead of answering and he was definitely getting the hand of this. "It doesn't matter anymore."
Dean could already tell he was hard. "I'm gonna take it slow," he said, meeting Castiel's eyes. "You let me know if I do something you like, okay?"
Castiel nodded, sighing with surprise and pleasure when Dean licked around the curve of his collarbone. "That," he whispered. "I like that."
Dean grinned. "Good." He moved on to Castiel's neck, licking along the hollow of his throat, kissing his way up his neck and sucking just hard enough to leave a bruise Dean knew would heal almost instantly. He could tell by the little fluttering sighs Castiel let out that he was liking that, too. Castiel had already started tracing his fingers along Dean's spine, pressing up against him; he felt Castiel slide his hand past his waistband and couldn't hold back his groan. "Said I was taking it slow, Cas."
"I'm not very patient," Castiel answered, an unmistakable smirk on his face.
Dean just kissed him again, which he supposed wasn't a very good punishment. He finally pulled the shirt and suit jacket all the way off and tossed them to the floor, then traced one finger along the long white scar down Castiel's chest, feeling him shiver. "It hurt when I touch it?"
Castiel shook his head, his eyes wide. "No. It...I don't know how to describe it."
Dean licked along the edges of the scar and Castiel whimpered, his nails digging into Dean's back. Dean moved to kissing the scar, then finally sucking hard until Castiel moaned, his whole body jerking up under Dean. Dean grinned and started in on Castiel's belt, rapidly losing interest in taking things slow. Within seconds all the clothes were on the floor and Dean pressed himself against Castiel, not realizing until that moment how much he'd missed this. Castiel's lips were wet and shining in the room's dim light when Dean kissed him again, his mouth hot and open as his tongue slid over Dean's. Castiel pressed his thigh up between Dean's legs and Dean wondered how he'd known that was exactly what he'd wanted just then. He worked his way back down Castiel's body, savoring each twitch and moan and sigh of pleasure. He liked the way Castiel would jump with surprise when Dean hit a sensitive spot, his lips curling up in wonder.
If Dean hadn't already been so hard he ached the sound Castiel made when Dean touched his cock would have been more than enough. Dean licked his way up Castiel's shaft, thinking about everything he liked being done to him and hardly able to choose what to do first. Finally he decided to just take Castiel as deep as he could and go from there, and the way Castiel moaned when he did that made Dean wish he had a lot more practice. He'd always thought this wouldn't be as much fun from the other side but being able to take Castiel apart like this with just a flick of his tongue was like taking a shot of pure adrenaline. He was pretty sure he could come just from this if he let himself.
Dean finally picked his head up, ignoring Castiel's groan of dismay. "Turn over," he said, surprised he could still form words. "It'll be easier if you turn over."
Castiel followed the command, stretching out on his stomach. "Fuck, Cas, you're still all tense. You gotta relax," he said, running his hands down Castiel's spine. He straddled Castiel's hips and started massaging knots out of the stiff muscles. "It's not gonna be fun if you don't relax." Dean felt him sigh, his body slowly going loose and pliant under Dean's hands. He let out a little gasp when Dean hit a sensitive spot on his back, just under his his shoulders. There was a similar spot on the other opposite side and Dean couldn't help wondering. "Hey, Cas?"
"Mhmmm?"
"Do you have wings? Real ones, I mean?"
"Of course," Castiel said, slurring just a bit, like he was pleasantly drunk. "You've seen them. Their shadows, at least."
"Could I see them for real? Not just shadows?"
Castiel shook his head, sighing as Dean kneaded his fingers into the small of his back. "I don't think so. Part of...true form," he said, arching his back into the touch. He'd begun rocking his hips, the slight little movements rapidly taking away Dean's ability to think. "Don't know...how to manifest." Dean saw him clench his hands into the blanket. "Dean, please."
Dean didn't need any more encouragement than that. He moved backward, angling Castiel's hips up. He licked one finger and inserted it slowly, easier than Dean would have expected; Castiel was already slick, and Dean didn't know whether being his being a ghost or angel mojo was to thank for that. It was an awesome side bonus, wherever it came from. Castiel moaned when Dean inserted a second finger, already starting to writhe. Dean knew he should stretch him some more, take a little more time but he just couldn't; he positioned himself behind Castiel and pressed himself forward inch by slow inch. Castiel moaned from the first second, propping himself up on his elbows with his head bowed. Dean licked up his spine as he began to move and heard Castiel murmuring under his breath in his harsh language. He urged Dean on faster and harder almost before Dean could collect himself and Dean was more than happy to oblige him. He finally stopped holding back and just lost himself in the heat and tightness surrounding him, the way Castiel's hips bucked against him and pushed him closer to the edge with each movement. Dean wrapped his hand back around Castiel's cock and felt him shudder; Castiel sobbed out Dean's name and Dean squeezed his eyes shut. It was all he could to not come right there. Dean pressed his face against Castiel's back and fucked him hard; he almost sobbed himself when he felt that first tight contraction. Castiel shuddered again, harder this time and let out a soft, almost surprised whimper; Dean felt that hot wetness spread over his hand and the room was suddenly full of light. Before Dean could open his eyes to find out what the hell that was his own orgasm shook through him and he forgot little things like words and thoughts and questions.
He collapsed next to Castiel and wrapped his arms around him. "How about that, Cas?" he said when he remembered how language worked. "Worth waiting however many centuries for?"
Castiel pressed back against him, loose and sweat-soaked and Dean didn't ever want to stop touching him. "I liked all of that very much, Dean."
Dean nuzzled his ear. "Good." Castiel turned over and kissed Dean, as if just facing the opposite direction was too far away. Dean traced his fingers through Castiel's messy hair, drunk on the feeling of an angel sighing happily against him. "When I'm back in my body we should do that for real."
He actually felt Castiel frown. "This is real."
"That's not what I mean, don't get mushy." Dean pulled him closer. "I just meant we should do this when we both have bodies. See if it's different." He kissed Castiel's forehead. "Messier, probably."
Castiel propped himself on one elbow and trailed his fingertips over Dean's lips. "May I ask an indulgence?"
"Cas, man, right now you can seriously ask me anything."
That was the closest Dean had seen him come yet to a real, human smile. "If this is going to be my only chance..."
"Don't talk like that."
"Dean." Castiel looked at him and suddenly Dean could see his age in his eyes, those thousands of years spreading out behind him. Years that might end at dawn. "One of us should be pragmatic."
Dean nodded. "Sure, Cas. Like I said, you can ask me anything."
Castiel kissed him and Dean thought about what a waste it was that they hadn't been doing this the whole time. "I would like to know...." He sighed. "I don't know the right way to put this."
"Just say it. I'm not exactly easy to scandalize."
Castiel ran his tongue over his lips as he searched for the right words and Dean didn't know how that managed to be so hot. "I would like to be inside you. I want to know what that feels like."
Dean felt heat rush through his body. "Shit, Cas. You definitely found the right way to put that." He kissed Castiel again. "Give me a little bit, okay? I'm not sixteen anymore."
Castiel actually chuckled at that. "Dean, you're not bound by bodily limitations."
"Really?"
As if to prove his point Castiel reached down and stroked those long fingers up Dean's cock and Dean didn't think he'd ever gotten so hard so fast. It was the first time he was actually happy to be dead. "So do I have your permission? I believe I have a grasp on the mechanics now."
Castiel's eyes were so blue. Dean wondered how Castiel could possibly look at him like that, as if he thought Dean would actually say no. "Cas, you can do anything you want to me."
"That would take much longer than one night," Castiel murmured, and if Dean hadn't been hard before he sure as hell was now. "I would like to be able to see you, if I can."
"Shouldn't be a problem. I'm pretty flexible." He turned over on his back as the angel knelt over him. "How do you want to....
Castiel kissed him hard before he could finish his sentence. "I've put quite a lot of thought into this," he whispered, and Dean didn't think anything had ever turned him on like hearing that. Castiel kissed across his brow, brushed his lips against Dean's closed eyelids, sucked on Dean's lip until Dean moaned. Dean thought he'd taken it slow but it was nothing compared to Castiel now; it was like he couldn't bear to leave any inch of Dean's skin untouched. Dean shivered as Castiel kissed his palm, his tongue tracing along Dean's lifeline. "Cas," he breathed as he felt Castiel's lips brush against his wrist. Castiel made a soft, contented little humming sound and kept working Dean over, his eyes never leaving Dean's face. No one had ever touched Dean like this before. The word that kept floating to the front of his mind was worship.
Castiel finished working his way down Dean's body and traced his fingertips up Dean's cock again. "I liked when you did this," he murmured, then before Dean's addled mind could catch up with what was about to happen Castiel deep throated him. Dean felt his head snap back as his whole body almost jumped off the bed. "Fuck, Cas. Fuck, fuck, fuck." Castiel made that little humming sound again and that vibration ripped away any lingering language skills; all Dean could let out were increasingly desperate moans as his mind threw out thoughts like angel and gag reflex and don't stop don't stop.
"Cas," he finally croaked out. "Keep that up and you're...." Castiel sucked hard and Dean couldn't talk for a few seconds. "Not gonna be able to fuck me."
"Yes, I will," Castiel murmured, picking his head up for a moment, that evil smirk back on his face. He went back to work and Dean tossed on the bed. He wasn't at all sure he'd be able to take that, no matter what Castiel had said about no limitations.
Castiel finally did stop a few seconds later, showing Dean a little mercy. "No way you've never done that before."
Dean saw his lips curl up at the compliment. "You set a good example."
He moaned again when he felt the head of Castiel's cock press against him. He'd been pegged by a couple of girls over the years (Dean pretty much never said no to anything someone wanted to do in bed) but this was different, Cas was so warm against him and he was already so close.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Dean," Castiel said, and Dean hadn't even realized he'd been bracing until he spoke.
"Usually hurts a little bit," he gasped. "That's okay. Worth it."
Castiel pressed two fingers against his lips. "I am not going to hurt you."
Dean could only nod and force himself to relax as Castiel trailed his hand back down his body. Then Castiel let out a harsh, deep groan, like he couldn't hold himself back anymore; he pressed back against Dean and slid inside with one smooth motion, as easily as if they'd put in hours of prep. And he'd been right, there wasn't any pain, just that indescribable feeling of being stretched and full and if Castiel didn't start moving in the next five seconds Dean thought he was going to explode. Castiel was full-on shaking, his head bowed over Dean as he tried to collect himself. "Feels pretty awesome, huh?" Dean said, trailing his hands through Castiel's hair. Castiel just nodded and let out a soft whimper; Dean propped himself up as far as he could and kissed him, drawing out another deep-in-his throat groan.
Castiel started to move, slow at first but going to rough and fast in seconds and Dean fell back on the bed, glad he didn't actually have to breathe because there was no way he would have been capable of it just then. Castiel shifted position slightly, leaning further over Dean and managed to hit a spot that made Dean see stars. "Holy fuck, Cas, just like that."
Castiel growled and picked Dean right up off the bed like he weighed nothing (and in fairness he did weigh nothing at the moment, but Dean knew it wouldn't have mattered if he'd been flesh and bone) and pressed him up against the wall. Dean had never been with anyone who could manhandle him and he'd never imagined it could turn him on this much. All Dean could do was hold on; he could feel that Castiel was already almost right there and Dean made sure to keep his eyes open. Castiel shook again, that deep, fine tremor that said he was seconds away. "Dean," he whispered, his eyes so wide Dean could see himself in them.
"Come for me, Cas," Dean whispered back, grabbing a handful of Castiel's hair. "Right now. Don't make me wait." Castiel let out another whimper and pressed Dean harder against the wall, his eyes shut tight. He moaned Dean's name as the climax shuddered through him, even harder than the first one, and the room filled with light again.
And this time Dean could see why. Hanging in the air behind Castiel was an image of enormous wings, delicate and glowing like they'd been traced there in gold. Dean felt the beauty of those wings sear into his mind; there was something haunting about them, something secret, power hiding behind that filigree of golden light. He'd never understood what holy really meant until that moment. He couldn't stop himself from reaching for them; that touch lasted less than a second and was still enough to send him rocking back as energy rushed through him. It was like the wings had reached back for him in that split second.
He shut his eyes as the wings flickered out and kissed Castiel, his tongue as far down Castiel's throat as he could get as his own orgasm shook him to pieces. He didn't know it was possible to come so hard; he didn't remember Castiel laying him back on the bed, only that the next thing he knew they were lying down and Castiel was wrapped around him, murmuring his name in his ear. "I don't think I can do that again today, Cas."
Castiel let out that faint chuckle again and wrapped him up tighter. "I don't think I can, either." He lay on his back and pulled Dean on top of him.
"Why'm I sleepy?" he asked. "'m dead. Shouldn't be sleepy."
"Because you expect to be."
Dean shook his head. "You're doing this, right? You're making me sleepy."
He felt Castiel's fingers trail through his hair. "I may be helping it along."
"Don't go," Dean said. The thought that Castiel would be gone in a few hours suddenly filled him with panic. "We'll figure something else out."
Castiel just kept stroking his hair. "You won't feel that way come dawn."
Dean was ashamed that he knew that was true. "I feel that way now."
"I know."
"Let me come with you, then. I can help." Dean knew he sounded like a petulant kid but didn't care.
"No." Castiel tipped Dean's chin up so Dean was looking in his eyes. "I don't want you to ever go to Hell, Dean. I don't want that place to touch you." There was an undercurrent to the words Dean didn't understand. "Promise me that whatever happens you won't try to follow me."
"But...."
"Promise."
There was real fear deep in Castiel's eyes, worse than anything Dean had seen when he'd been talking about going to Hell himself. "Okay. Okay, I promise," he said, snuggling back against him. Although not snuggling, because Dean Winchester didn't snuggle. He'd think of a manlier word later when his brain started working again. "I want to help."
Castiel's lips were warm against his forehead. "You've given me everything I need, Dean." When Dean tried to speak again Castiel shushed him. "Sleep."
And despite fully intending to argue some more, Dean did.
***
When Dean opened his eyes again he saw he was alone in the room. The faint tinge of sulfur hung in the air, telling Dean that the portal had worked; he blinked and found himself clothed again, which he guessed was one of the better side benefits of ghostdom. He settled back and waited.
It wasn't long before anxiety began to claw at Dean's stomach; Castiel could time travel. He'd done it to save Dean from that Reaper in the first place and Dean knew there shouldn't have been a wait.
Dean started to pace the room, the lack of any other outlets just making the shakes worse. Normally he could take his car out or clean his guns or do any other thousands of things to keep his mind occupied. Now all there was to do was pace and worry and imagine everything that could have gone wrong.
Castiel had told him that time worked different in Hell; Dean wondered at the ratio, if one minute here meant an hour there. He'd said that John had been there for one hundred years by the time he'd busted out but by Dean's guess he shouldn't have been gone a year yet. Dean's grasp of time passing was slippery enough that he knew Castiel could have been there for days already. Maybe even months. He'd said that if the demons caught him he'd wish he was dead. Dean tried to keep the image of Castiel screaming in pain out of his mind. Screaming for days, with demons like Yellow-Eyes putting their filthy hands on him. He remembered Castiel's eyes when Raphael had stabbed him and imagined him feeling that kind of pain every second. Forever.
For the first time Dean could remember he was tempted to pray. He knew Sam would laugh if he could see him now.
He knew praying wouldn't do any good. Dean didn't really know the particulars of why, but Heaven and God had turned their backs on Castiel. Hell, from what Dean had seen of angels they seemed a lot more likely to join in.
So Dean turned to the one person he would always put money on if it came to a fist fight with God. "Dad?" he whispered. "Dad, I know you've got your hands full but I need a favor. You know I never ask for a whole lot."
He leaned his head back against the wall. "I've got the cavalry coming for you down there but you two might have to help each other. You'll know him when you see him, trust me, and when you do I need you to go with him. Don't do your bullshit thing of not letting anyone help, okay? I know you think you went there for a good reason but it's time to leave. The world might literally fucking end if you don't."
He tried to push back the memory of how hard Castiel had been shaking after casting the ritual. "The thing is, he's been gone a long time, and I'm just...I'm getting a little worried. They're gonna hurt him bad if they catch him, probably worse than whatever they've been up to with you. I...." Dean couldn't force the words out. He couldn't even really examine what he'd been about to say too closely. "It's important, Dad," Dean finally said. "I...I really just need him to come back."
Dean shook his head. He wasn't a little kid anymore and good things didn't happen just because he wanted them to really hard.
The motel started to shake. Dean staggered back as crack formed in the floor, not any wider than a hair. Noxious smoke - not demonic smoke, to his relief - poured from the crack as it widened; the room flooded with red light that made Dean want to curl up into a ball so it couldn't touch him. Screams poured from the crack, howls of agony that made Dean shake. "C'mon, Cas. C'mon," Dean said, his hands curled into fists. A clawed hand reached over the edge of the crack and Dean focused on it, forcing it back until whatever it belonged to fell back shrieking into the crack. "Cas, you hurry up!"
Then to his horror the crack started to close. Dean rushed to the edge, only stopping himself from from jumping in by remembering the promise Castiel had forced out of him. Instead he lay on the floor and reached one arm in as far as it could go. "Cas!" he shouted. "You son of a bitch, get up here now!"
The crack was almost closed when Dean felt something brush his hand. Dean didn't have time to check what it was, he just got the best grip he could and pulled.
One second later the crack was closed and Dean had his arms full of trenchcoated angel. Dean staggered backward as Castiel kissed him; he was so hot Dean could barely hold on to him, almost like he'd just been on fire. Dean pulled back and took a good look at him, realizing his clothes were shredded and bloody. "You okay?"
Castiel nodded. "Yes. Overcome by irony." He kissed Dean again, gently this time. "I'll be back shortly." He disappeared in a flutter of wings, leaving Dean to wonder what the hell had just happened.
He returned a few minutes later, gone just long enough for Dean to start worrying again. Dean watched him drop down on the bed, looking exhausted and, frankly, a little frustrated. "It's done. Your father should be entering Heaven as we speak."
"How?" Dean asked, settling down beside him. "I thought you and Heaven weren't on speaking terms."
"We're not. That's not true of all of my brothers." He glanced at Dean. "The last time I met one of my eldest brothers he...had some fun with me," he said, his lips curling with distaste. "He owed me for that and I called in the favor."
"Can we trust this guy?"
Castiel sighed. "Normally I might say no but I don't think there's anyone who wants the Apocalypse to happen less than him. He's having too much fun."
Dean quirked an eyebrow. "You sure you two are related?"
"I wonder sometimes."
Dean rubbed his back. "It would be nice to meet one of your brothers who wasn't raging dick."
"Oh, you've met him. And I don't think he would meet that criteria anyway."
"So we're done? You can do your thing and bring me back to life?"
Castiel nodded, his eyes solemn. "Yes. If you would allow me one more indulgence."
Dean grinned. "Dude, we can do that when I wake up."
"I didn't mean that," Castiel said, shaking his head. "I would like to make a stop first."
"Sure, Cas. Wherever you want." Dean felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder and heard the sound of wings.
***
It took Dean a second to realize where they were. "Is this Lawrence?"
"Yes. About eight years before you were born."
"Why?"
"I just realized there was still minor loose end that needed tying." He glanced over at Dean, a glint in his eyes Dean liked. "Your father needs to buy a car."
A few seconds later they were spying on John Winchester being slick talked by a car salesman in a bad jacket. It was messing with Dean to know his father had ever been this young. When he saw his dad get into a hideous seventies van Dean swore. "Dude. That's my car sitting right there, we can't let my dad walk off with that piece of shit van."
Castiel tilted his head at him. "So do something about it."
Just as his father turned over the ignition Dean focused; there was an audible bang and smoke poured out from under the hood. Dean saw John jump out of the van and start shouting at the salesman, then Dean grinned when he saw the salesman turn around in a panic and point at the Impala. "I think history's back on course, Cas."
Castiel stared at John and the nameless salesman discussing terms over what would someday be Dean's car, an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm glad I remembered this incident," he said, almost to himself. "I can hardly imagine you without your vehicle."
Something in his voice rang an alarm bell for Dean. "What do you mean? I thought this is why we came here."
Castiel was silent long enough that Dean felt genuine worry creep through him. "I would like to go somewhere quiet," he said, his hand on Dean's shoulder.
***
Dean blinked and the two of them were standing in a field, the only beings around for what seemed like miles. He felt memories drift up from his subconscious, ones he thought he'd long since forgotten. "I remember this place now. Me and mom used to go on picnics out here. This was where she told me I was going to have a brother. I was so mad. I wanted a dog."
Castiel nodded. "I saw in your mind that this place held pleasant memories for you."
"What's going on, Cas? You're starting to freak me out."
"Very soon now Mary Campbell is going to make a deal, one that will decide the fate of your family. The deal that will link Azazel to the Winchesters." He narrowed his eyes at Dean. "Aren't you going to ask me to stop her?"
Dean stared up at the sky. He wished there were stars, something better than the dark gray clouds above them. "Not this time." He saw Castiel tilt his head. "I saw what happens if my mom doesn't die, if none of that ever happened. She's with dad now, that's gotta be better than anything down here. And if it's not, I'm pretty sure my dad will make sure it gets there." The wind picked up, billowing out Castiel's coat as the first drops of rain began to fall. "Why is it always raining?"
Castiel stared up at the sky, letting the rain fall on his face. "I suppose it's only fitting."
"What's this about, Cas?"
"This is where everything began for you, Dean. I thought it would be a fitting place to say goodbye."
"What do you mean, 'goodbye,'? You said you were going to put me back in my body."
"I am."
"So, what? Are you taking off? Where the hell are you going?"
Dean saw a very faint, phantom smile. "I'm going nowhere. Quite literally." He tilted his head and Dean felt those laser eyes look right through him. "Dean, we broke time. Did you really think there wouldn't be consequences?"
It was too quiet. "What do you mean? What's happening to you?"
"We created enough paradoxes that the planet should be hurtling toward the sun. It takes a lot of energy to counteract that." He saw that faint smile again, something bleak in it this time. "There's a lot of energy in an angel's Grace."
"No." Thunder cracked and Dean knew he'd caused it. "That's not gonna happen. You're gonna wake me up and the three of us are going after Yellow-Eyes."
"Dean, don't make this any harder."
"I'm not just gonna let you die, Cas."
"I'm not dying, Dean." The rain started to come down hard, plastering Castiel's hair down to his face. Dean had a sudden flashback to the night they'd met. "When I restore you this new timeline will snap into place and I've had too direct a hand in creating it. I'll have never existed."
"Bullshit."
"It's going to happen whether or not you approve, Dean."
"How soon did you know this would happen?"
Castiel's brow furrowed. "I did tell you I knew how far I could go."
"That was...." So much had happened since that argument over Cold Oak Dean had completely forgotten about it. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would it have changed anything if I had? Would you have decided to sacrifice Sam? Would you have left your father in the Pit?"
"I...."
Castiel kissed him, his hands tight fists around Dean's jacket. There was absolution in that kiss and Dean didn't want any part of it. He didn't deserve any part of it. "It would only have grieved you and I didn't see any reason for that."
"Cas, I didn't want this. You've gotta exist."
Thunder cracked loud above them. "Dean, do you know one of the words for a gathering of angels?" Dean shook his head. "A plague. Michael and the rest of the Host won't try such a risk-laden plan again, not when this one could have cost them everything. The circumstances to produce an Apocalypse won't fall into place again for five hundred, even one thousand years. Perhaps longer. Perhaps long enough that our Father will return." He was shaking now, his eyes bright as the words poured out of him. "Angels won't walk the Earth again for centuries. Whatever harm lies in front of you and Sam, I can have the peace of knowing my brothers' machinations won't be behind it." He kissed Dean again. "I like kissing," he murmured. "I wish I could have known that sooner."
"Forget all this and we won't have to stop, Cas. We need you. Yellow-Eyes is still out there."
"If he pursues you again it will be purely out of spite. He needs to rebuild everything now. And you killed him without me before." He stroked his fingers down Dean's cheek. "You'll never have to face the Seven, or the Horsemen. You won't know the growl of a Hellhound unless you choose to hunt one. Ruby and Lilith and Alastair will only ever be names to you. I can welcome my fate if it buys you that."
He placed his hand against Dean's left shoulder. "You asked me once if you had scars in the future and I didn't answer. You do. They're just not ones you could see. I erased the ones on your flesh because healing the important scars was beyond my power." He kissed Dean, a long, slow, lingering kiss. "Your soul is so bright, Dean. You can't see it but I can. Sometimes it's all I can do to look at you. The Reaper almost caught you on that road because when I first saw you all I could do was stare. I didn't know your soul was supposed to be so bright." Castiel shook his head. "You deserve to be saved, Dean."
"Cas." Dean kissed him hard. "Cas, so do you."
Castiel tilted his head again, letting out a soft, scoffing laugh. "Dean, I love you more than I love God." He said that as if it was the plainest fact in the universe. "I shouldn't be capable of that. I turned against Heaven at your word. I destroyed time because you asked me to." He looked up at the sky. "I'm...flawed. Something went wrong in my creation. I shouldn't exist."
"That's complete bullshit."
"Do you know how many of my brothers and sisters I've killed? I used to and don't any more, they've been hunting me for so long." Dean saw a flash of buried horror in his eyes. "I was within an arm's length of Lucifer, once. He called me a 'peculiar thing.' Lucifer."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"It means everything."
Dean grabbed Castiel by his coat. "This doesn't make sense. This happened, I was here. I'll know you existed, I'll remember this."
"Dean, you've been asleep for a very long time. It's time to wake up. When you do this will seem like a dream. And before very long it will fade like a dream."
"No," Dean said, shaking his head. "No, that won't happen. I won't just forget you, Cas."
Castiel pulled Dean close, his hand against Dean's chest as he kissed him again. He tasted like rain and lightning. "Yes, Dean," he said, his hand starting to glow. "You will."
Dean lurched awake, gasping for air in an unfamiliar room. He felt a tube down his throat and a mask over his face, so many other tubes and wires going in and out of him that he didn't even know where to start removing them. Hospital, he remembered.
He heard a scream followed by a metallic clatter and turned his head as much as he could; a girl in a candy striper uniform was staring at him with her hand over her mouth, her tray full of supplies scattered all over the floor. Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to the bed. "I've gotta get the nurse," she stammered, the surprise and panic in her voice making Dean wonder if they'd moved him to some kind of lost causes ward. He couldn't talk and made a gesture he hoped she understood. "You...you want something to write with?"
If Dean had been breathing on his own he would have sighed with relief. He nodded and she searched her pockets, coming up with a spiral pad and a pen. He motioned for her to hold the pad and scrawled the word brother across the first page. "You want your brother?" she said, and Dean nodded again. "Right, right, I remember him, he's tall and scary. The nurses will call him." He turned the pad over and wrote book across the next blank page. "I don't...you want something to read? I don't think you should be...?"
Dean shook his head and wrote the wrote the word blank. "Oh. You mean...what, like a notebook?"
Dean nodded again, too tired to keep going. "Okay, okay, I'll tell the nurse. I promise." Dean let her go and she raced out of the room, the mess on the floor completely forgotten.
Dean lay back and wondered how long it would take Sam to get there. Then he spent the rest of the time thinking about angels with blue eyes and soft rasping voices, about wings drawn in gold and the rain on the road at night.
He wouldn't forget. He wouldn't.
On to Part 7
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