Saving Graces
This week's fannish5: Every bad movie or series seems to have one character that's too good for it, or even makes an otherwise dreadful thing worth sitting through. Who are your five favorite characters from things you otherwise hated, or would have hated without them?
1) The Postman: Tom Petty. The Postman is a dire movie. It's ugly, everything is brown, mild-mannered Kevin Costner completely fails at playing an antihero and it's approximately one thousand hours long. The only enjoyable stretch of the interminable slog of a film is when Costner's titular Postman (the film is set after war and plague have thrown civilization into a near-Mad Max of post-apocalyptic ruin, which in this movie takes roughly sixteen years) delivers some mail to a town situated on top of an old dam and meets the mayor, none other than Tom Petty --- and not Tom Petty playing a character, actually Tom Petty. Petty is a crazy person who at one point zip lines across the dam and spends all of his scenes reminding the viewer what charisma is like.
2) Wing Commander: Paladin. Wing Commander is a squarely average space battle movie but Tchéky Karyo is just fantastic in it. He plays his part (aspects of which shamelessly lift from the UC Gundam newtypes) like he's a Jedi sage. It's the kind of character where when he leaves the scene you sigh as you realize you're in for three scenes of whiny hotshot pilots saying the same lines that whiny hotshot pilots always say in these movies before he gets to come back.
3) The Drizzt Saga: Jarlaxle Banrae. The Drizzt series is wildly popular despite its hero being the biggest wet blanket in all of fantasy. The turning point for me is the moment Jarlaxle shows up in all of is true neutral, eyepatch-and-pimp-hat wearing glory. Jaxlaxe brings nothing but good things to the story and is instrumental in turning villain Artemis Entreri into a character rather than an ambulatory magic dagger.
4) Boondock Saints: Agent Smecker. This is cheating a bit because I actually really like Boondock Saints but it's undeniable truth that the entire thing falls apart without Willem Dafoe running away with ever scene he's in. I have a well-known soft spot for brilliant detectives so the scenes of Smecker virtually channeling crime scenes would obviously score points with me, but my favorite scene in the movie is one Smecker's not even in: it's when Connor, Murphy and Rocco learn that Smecker is the one trying to track down the "Saints." Rocco has no idea who he is but Connor and Murph met him earlier in the film and let Rocco know that Smecker is a genius and a serious threat to their little Kill-All-The-Evildoers mission. Rocco, being a mob goon at heart, says they should go take care of the problem when Connor raises his hand. "He's not to be touched," he says. "He's a good man." And that's the end of that discussion. Those are the lines that make Boondock Saints more than just another vigilante flick.
5) Jumper: Griffin. Jumper is yet another movie about a teenager developing superpowers only to whine about how much they want to be normal, only in this the teen is played by Hayden Christensen, which makes everything worse somehow. About halfway through Christensen meets Griffin, another "jumper" (read: teleporter) which a great accent and a desert lair. We quickly find out that Griffin has been living by his wits and is actively being hunted by Samuel L. Jackson, forcing viewers to wonder why we've been forced to hang out with X-Men Anakin while this has been going on all movie.
1) The Postman: Tom Petty. The Postman is a dire movie. It's ugly, everything is brown, mild-mannered Kevin Costner completely fails at playing an antihero and it's approximately one thousand hours long. The only enjoyable stretch of the interminable slog of a film is when Costner's titular Postman (the film is set after war and plague have thrown civilization into a near-Mad Max of post-apocalyptic ruin, which in this movie takes roughly sixteen years) delivers some mail to a town situated on top of an old dam and meets the mayor, none other than Tom Petty --- and not Tom Petty playing a character, actually Tom Petty. Petty is a crazy person who at one point zip lines across the dam and spends all of his scenes reminding the viewer what charisma is like.
2) Wing Commander: Paladin. Wing Commander is a squarely average space battle movie but Tchéky Karyo is just fantastic in it. He plays his part (aspects of which shamelessly lift from the UC Gundam newtypes) like he's a Jedi sage. It's the kind of character where when he leaves the scene you sigh as you realize you're in for three scenes of whiny hotshot pilots saying the same lines that whiny hotshot pilots always say in these movies before he gets to come back.
3) The Drizzt Saga: Jarlaxle Banrae. The Drizzt series is wildly popular despite its hero being the biggest wet blanket in all of fantasy. The turning point for me is the moment Jarlaxle shows up in all of is true neutral, eyepatch-and-pimp-hat wearing glory. Jaxlaxe brings nothing but good things to the story and is instrumental in turning villain Artemis Entreri into a character rather than an ambulatory magic dagger.
4) Boondock Saints: Agent Smecker. This is cheating a bit because I actually really like Boondock Saints but it's undeniable truth that the entire thing falls apart without Willem Dafoe running away with ever scene he's in. I have a well-known soft spot for brilliant detectives so the scenes of Smecker virtually channeling crime scenes would obviously score points with me, but my favorite scene in the movie is one Smecker's not even in: it's when Connor, Murphy and Rocco learn that Smecker is the one trying to track down the "Saints." Rocco has no idea who he is but Connor and Murph met him earlier in the film and let Rocco know that Smecker is a genius and a serious threat to their little Kill-All-The-Evildoers mission. Rocco, being a mob goon at heart, says they should go take care of the problem when Connor raises his hand. "He's not to be touched," he says. "He's a good man." And that's the end of that discussion. Those are the lines that make Boondock Saints more than just another vigilante flick.
5) Jumper: Griffin. Jumper is yet another movie about a teenager developing superpowers only to whine about how much they want to be normal, only in this the teen is played by Hayden Christensen, which makes everything worse somehow. About halfway through Christensen meets Griffin, another "jumper" (read: teleporter) which a great accent and a desert lair. We quickly find out that Griffin has been living by his wits and is actively being hunted by Samuel L. Jackson, forcing viewers to wonder why we've been forced to hang out with X-Men Anakin while this has been going on all movie.